lit_gal | Kin of the Heart

In this universe, Xander challenged Angel right up front--called him a pedophile to his face. And from there, everything's changed.

Previous parts:
Part one: Bumbling to a Save
Part two: Family Ties
Part three: Devil in the Details
Part Four: Bad Karma
Part Five: Rust Upon Iron
Part Six: Mending Fences... or tearing them down
Part Seven: Quiet Waters Mirroring Undistorted
Part Eight: Bait, Swindle and Self-destruct
Part Nine: Deaf, Dumb, and Destiny-blind

On their road trip to get rid of Acathla, Angel and Xander discover something disturbing about Angel's future and the curse that gave him a soul.

The Road Not Taken

"Pop quiz time," Blair announced happily as he shifted the truck and slowed around a slight curve. Xander squinted as the light from the sunset caught him.

"You are running the risk of no longer being my favoritest truck driver with words like that," Xander warned.

Blair rolled his eyes and then checked his mirrors before changing lanes. "The byproduct of anaerobic respiration?"

"That's when you're running fast because a demon is about to munch on your legs, right?" Xander checked. The science stuff actually made a lot more sense now that Blair put it in terms of demons and things that went bump in the night. Even Angel was getting most of it, and Angel and science were big with the non-mixy. The only reason he studied so much around Angel was the sheer enjoyment of watching Angel get that flummoxed expression when Xander asked for help. Yep, Xander was mean spirited, but then he figured Angel already knew that and freaking bought him anyway. Not that Xander was thinking about that because he was on the not-thinking-about-that plan.

"Man, stop stalling," Blair huffed.

Xander focused on the question and not all the little weirdnesses in his own psyche. "Fine, but it's not like we don't we have enough time out here to waste," Xander pointed out as he waved a hand at the highway. They were near some town called Appleton right now, but whether they were looking at house after house or tree after tree, this wasn't the most exciting trip in the history of tripping. "And the byproduct is lactic acid, which is taken up by the mitochondrial somethings in order to get more energy, unless you overdo it, and then you just cramp. Or unless a Ryk demon catches you because they like to kill humans at the point of maximum lactic acid build-up for the yum, and I have to say, I don't think that last part will be on the test."

"The last part is the only part that really matters if you're going to hunt demons," Angel added from behind the sun-proof curtains that protected the living area.

"Ah, the grumpy-guts awakens," Blair teased. Angel didn't answer, but Xander thought he heard a growl. But then, Angel trapped in a small space was not a happy thing. He'd even insisted on riding in back with the rock guy for one leg of the trip just because he needed to pace. "We're getting ready to stop for gas, and I thought I would kick you two out and get three or four hours of sleep before we do the next leg," Blair suggested, his voice clearly a question.

"That'd be fine," Angel answered immediately, and Blair got an impish grin.

"Someone so does not appreciate my living accommodations," he said softly.

"Angel's a little touchy on the subject of creature comforts," Xander nodded. "Big with the interior decorating. I caught him watching design shows one day."

"Oh, man, I don't doubt it. I can totally see him going into interior design."

"And when I get a little Cheetos dust on the couch, he gets that look on his face like he's trying really hard to not vamp out."

"He probably has fantasies about putting you over his knee," Blair said in a conspiratorial voice with a wink added on. That time, Xander *knew* he heard the growl.

"Dream on, Bloodbreath," Xander called back to Angel. "If you're anally retenting with the couch, I am not responsible for that."

Blair nearly choked to death as he pulled into a gas station. "It's anal retentive, and I don't think there's an 'if' in there, Angel just is," Blair offered.

"As long as that means 'prissy', oh he really, really is." Aside from the having to study part, this trip was turning out a lot more fun than he'd ever expected. Pissing Angel off was always a joy, and Blair tended to tell him about demons and nasties that Angel had somehow managed to completely skip over when teaching him. On top of that, Blair had a knack of explaining school stuff in a way that almost wasn't boring... usually by adding demons and nasties to the lessons.

"Xander, do keep in mind that the sun is going down in about five minutes," Angel warned from the other side of the curtain.

"Yeah, whatever, threaten away, but you paid good money for me, and you're not going to break me now," Xander pointed out, and he was fairly sure his voice was a little more pissy than he meant because Angel fell silent.

"Oh man, you are not good at letting things go, are you?" Blair asked as he brought the truck to an idle behind another truck already fueling.

Xander cringed. "I meant that to be more in the teasing end of the pool than it actually came out," he admitted.

"Buddy," Blair said with a shake of his head, "if that was teasing, I so do not want to be around when you're actually trying to inflict emotional damage."

"When he gets going, it's really something. Spike has stood back and watched with appreciation when he gets up to full speed," Angel said as he stuck his head out from the back. The cab was in shadow and only a few streaks of light were left streaking across the parking lot.

"Hey, I am not sadistic enough for Spike-appreciation."

"Oh yes you are."

"Whoa, Spike likes him? Man, you must have some seriously freaky shit going on if both Angel and Spike like you," Blair said with an amused shake of his head.

"Spike just thinks he's going to get to have sex with me, and that's a big old never-happening. Besides, who did Spike ever see me get emotionally damaging with?" Xander demanded.

Angel turned to Blair, totally ignoring Xander. "He and this girl at school would rip into each other to the point that I kept waiting for one of them to bring a gun to their little tête à têtes."

"No way," Blair said as he looked back at Angel with wide eyes. "No fucking way. Do not tell me that he..."

"Yep," Angel interrupted. "He is now officially dating her, and Spike has announced that when I turn them, he will be taking a decade-long vacation on another continent until I teach them some manners." Angel chuckled for a second before his face lost all expression. "Not that I would turn them. I don't—I wouldn't—"

"Chill!" Blair held up his hand. "Man, I talk about killing my family all the time, and that so does not mean I'm going to do it."

"Besides, I wouldn't let you. I would be all 'not going there' boy if you pulled out even one fang," Xander warned. Both men gave him an odd look.

"Blair," Angel nearly whispered, his voice carrying that edge that made Xander's hand slip to his cinquedea.

"I see him," Blair said.

"Who are you with the seeing?" Xander asked in a rough whisper. Angel's hand came out and rested on Xander's shoulder.

"It's okay, it's just cousin Whistler the Hustler," Blair said with a sigh.

"I'll deal with him, you two stay here," Angel ordered as he started reaching over Xander. Xander grabbed Angel's arm.

"That a big old 10 on the not happening scale. Angel, you're good at the killing of random baddies, but this is the guy who convinced you to develop the hots for a 15 year old slayer, and I'm thinking he's probably more dangerous to you than random baddies—especially if Blair is right about his habit of obfuscating."

"Oh, I'm right. I'm totally right," Blair added.

"I'll be fine, just stay here," Angel growled. Right, like that expression worked on him, Xander turned to get out of the truck, and he found himself pinned to the seat by a hand too strong for him to move. "Stay here."

"Not happening," Xander said as he struggled without getting anywhere eventually, he gave up and just glared. "I'm following you the minute you get out of this truck."

"I can make you stay."

"Oh, you so cannot," Xander said as he poked Angel in the chest with a finger. "Look, if Whistler pulls a sword, you can go all grrrr on his ass, but if he's just going to try and talk you around a corner, you're so out of your depth. That's why I'll be there to verbally poke him back if he starts in with the stupid."

"Blair," Angel said, turning hopeful eyes toward him.

"Hey, leave me out of it. But if you're going to pull me in, I am so on Xander's side with this one."

"Ha!" Xander poked Angel's chest again, and the vampire got that stone-faced look he sometimes got right before he'd slam Spike into the nearest immovable surface, but no way was Xander backing off on this one. It'd taken him long enough to talk Angel out of the last bit of stupid he'd fallen for.

"You stay at my side, and you do not touch him," Angel finally relented as he let go of Xander's shoulder.

"Bully," Xander whispered as he pushed the truck door open and awkwardly scrambled out. Angel just landed next to him in one leap and immediately put a hand on Xander's shoulder, fisting the fabric and pulling Xander close. Xander might have repeated the whole bully comment, but he spotted Whistler for himself. The man looked like a used car salesman, although Xander really liked his shirt. Angel walked over, half escorting and half dragging Xander who couldn't quite keep pace.

"Angel," the man said as they neared him, and he really was going for the used car salesman vibe with that accent.

"Whistler."

"You've made a few changes since I saw you last. Gave up the rats then, have you?" Whistler's words made Angel go stiff, and Xander could feel his own temper rise. Yeah, Angel had been pretty stupid thinking that doing nothing made up for doing bad, but it wasn't like he had a whole lot of help in the figure it out department back then.

"Is there a problem with Acathla?" Angel asked, his voice calm even if his body was stiff.

"Not now, no," Whistler shrugged. "Denver? Are you sure you want to bury that thing on cursed ground?"

Xander frowned. "Wait, Denver's cursed? They built a city on cursed land? Okay, that's stupid like building a town on a hellmouth level of stupid,"

"Not Denver, just the place we're going," Angel said, and the fist holding Xander's shirt moved so that Angel had an arm flung over Xander's shoulders. "The Northglenn Mall in Denver is on land that is cursed so that people can't find what they're looking for. The Native People have a powerful artifact buried there, but no one knows what because they can't find it."

"Um, can I say that's a pretty dumb place to build a mall?"

"That's humanity for you," Whistler shrugged. "I sometimes wonder what cousin Malachi sees in them," he said as he looked toward the truck. Blair was finally pulling up for his turn at the pumps.

"Um, human here," Xander objected.

"You don't have to be you know," Whistler said, and Xander hadn't even totally deciphered those words before he was thrust behind a growling and vamped Angel who had both hands around Whistler's throat.

"Hey, whoa there. I wasn't doing anything to your little friend!" he argued as Angel slammed him into the side of the gas station. A couple of truckers glanced over before walking quickly in the other direction. There were way too many lights around here for Angel to do his dark crusader act, but obviously he was not big with the thinking right now.

"You try to hurt Xander, and I will rip your guts out," Angel snarled, his fangs making the words hiss like a demented something not really in full control of the dement. Xander made a mental note to look that word up when he got home.

"Hey, I wouldn't dream of touching him. But you need a seer."

Angel pulled Whistler away from the wall and slammed him back against the brick. "Leave. Him. Alone." Each word came with another slam into the wall. Whistler's hands scuttled over Angel's arms.

"Angel," Xander said as he grabbed one arm. "You're big with the freakiness here. Let's not kill Blair's cousin, please. People are watching." Angel slammed Whistler into the wall one more time before he dropped the D'fatum demon and backed off several steps, shoving Xander back with him.

"I'm just making the offer. If he wants to be a seer, it's his choice," Whistler said as he rubbed his throat. "No need for violence."

"Hey, if it's a choice between demony or non-demony, I’m choosing non-demony, no offense to the demons in the audience." Xander tried to stand at Angel's side, only to have Angel grab him by the neck and pull him close. Okay, a few demon genes might not be bad if it meant a little less man-handling.

"Leave him alone."

"It's his choice, and I respect that," Whistler said, but it was a little hard for Xander to really judge the honesty of that since he had a nice view of Angel's armpit as the stupid vampire held him embarrassingly close. "But that's not the only issue here."

"What do you want?"

"To tell you the truth," Whistler said in a smug voice.

Xander punched Angel as hard as he could. The idiot vampire didn't even react, but a second later, he did loosen his grip so that he held Xander close without forcing Xander's face into Angel's body. Xander rolled his eyes as Angel's arm caught him around the chest and held him. Big, over-protective boob. Only not so much with the boob because there were no boobies. Now that Xander was turned around, he could see the amused way Whistler was looking at him. Humiliating much?

"As I was saying," Whistler started again, "there's something you need to know about that soul of yours. The curse... it has a little catch on it."

"What?!" Angel demanded, his eyes still yellow even if the bumps had retreated. The silence was deafening as Whistler looked thoughtfully around the parking lot, and if he didn't stop with the over-acting, Xander was so going to kick the demon in the shin.

"It has a little happiness clause attached," Whistler shrugged, and Xander narrowed his eyes at the manipulation. Oh yeah, this guy was dribbling and drabbling information out to get Angel worked up, and from the way Angel's arm tightened, pulling Xander tight against his chest, he was guessing that it was working.

"What clause?" Angel demanded when the silence continued too long.

"If you have a moment of perfect happiness, that soul is going to come popping off and 'poof,' the old Angel is back in business. Only now, you'll have a hundred years of repression and self-denial to make up for."

Xander stopped breathing, panic racing through him on cold little feet as he thought about that. He knew all about Angelus. Back in the early days when Xander was trying to keep Angel away from Buffy and Angel was trying to just keep Xander away, he'd heard all sorts of Angelus stories from Angel himself, and that wasn't even counting the stories Giles managed to slip in at every possible opportunity. Part of Xander voted for disbelief and repression, but even Blair said that Whistler couldn't out and out lie. Oh, he could obfuscate and garble and manipulate, but not lie.

Angel was freakily still, not even bothering to breathe as his hands clutched Xander for long, long minutes. People walked past them having perfectly normal lives, and Xander couldn't even wrap his brain around just how bad this was. This was hugely bad. This was... this was worse than Xander could even imagine, and he couldn't even figure out what must be going through Angel's brain because the vamp was not all with the emotionally healthy when it came to his vampy past.

Angel had gone emotionless, which wasn't a good sign. "Is there a spell, something to stop that from happening?"

Whistler was already shaking his head. "Nothing can stop the clause from kicking in the minute you have perfect happiness. The curse will end and you will be left without a soul."

Something in Whistler's words made Xander stop and pay attention.

"I can't stay, then. I'm dangerous," Angel whispered.

"You are more dangerous than you know," Whistler agreed, and Xander could feel Angel's grip loosen. If Xander had to guess, he would say that Angel was about two seconds away from doing a runner. He grabbed Angel's arm to keep that from happening.

"Wait," Xander said. "So, the whole happiness clause... it's not for kinda happy or having a really good day and coming home and finding out the friend vacuumed the Cheetos dust off the couch... it's just for perfect happiness?"

"Yep, that's the deal. And then his soul goes 'poof' and you're front and center for the grand reappearance of the old Angel, the scourge of Europe, the vampire who wiped out entire villages, and the bane of nuns everywhere. You could be ground zero for a spectacular disaster, kid."

"Xander, you should—" Angel started to say. Xander interrupted him by laughing. Not just chuckling or chortling but out and out laughing. And then Whistler got this pained expression, and Xander laughed even harder. God, Angel was a goober to fall for this guy's line, and clearly, he was so ready to fall for it again.

"Fuck, you're good," Xander said as he finally got himself under control. "You overact a bit, and the whole winding Angel up... that could use a little work with the lack of subtlety, but the gloom and doom and nuns thing... you're good."

"Xander?" Angel asked in a voice that made it pretty clear that he thought Xander had just pretty much lost his mind.

"Listen to what he's saying," Xander said.

"He hears me. He's risking destroying everything he loves... again," Whistler said with confidence.

"And the chance of that risk is what? Point-zero-zero-zero-one percent?" Xander demanded. "Angel, he said you have to have perfect happiness. Perfect as in not a bit of worry in there with the happy, and that is just not in you."

"It might be," Angel said, but Xander could hear the uncertainly.

"Trust me, it is not in you. Unless you lost your freaking mind and went all delusional, there's no way for you to be perfectly happy. Let's say I lost all my powers of annoyingness, and Spike and Drusilla came back and they were suddenly soul-having and Buffy forgave them and thanked you for being the back-up she'd always needed and my parents dropped dead of heart attacks and Giles got called back to England and the new watcher didn't have that English stick up his ass. I mean, that's pretty much perfect, but I know you. You'd still be worried about the next slimy thing trying to kill Buffy or Spike being Spike, soul or not, or me blaming you for my parents' deaths or the return of my annoyingness. You worry about whether the sun will come up tomorrow. You worry about your hair, and as a vampire, can I just say that's a little freaky. But the point is, you worry. It's your defining trait, so you being perfectly happy would only happen if you went perfectly, temporarily, blindingly delusional with the lying to yourself."

Xander could tell he was making some progress when Angel pulled him close and turned to glare at Whistler. "Is he right? Is the chance that small?"

"There's no calculating the future. I just know that it's a very real possibility."

"So is me getting hit by lightening. But trust me, we are all in way more danger if you drive Angel away, so what is up with that?" Xander asked.

Whistler sighed and crossed his arms. "Kid, you are just screwing everything up here, aren't you?"

"It's my extra-special talent," he agreed without taking too much offense.

"He's right, then? My soul isn't in immediate danger?" Angel asked.

Whistler sighed again. "You had a nice clear destiny ahead of you... not a pretty one, but a clear one. Now, now I can't see that much," he shrugged. "You're tying yourself to a human, and humans... well, they don't have any sort of clear future. They just bang around from one point to another. But separate yourself from him, and you'll be in on the big, final battles."

"On the side of good or evil?" Blair asked as he wandered up to them. "Cuz," he greeted Whistler.

"Blair," Whistler said as his mouth got a nasty twist.

"Demons shouldn't give up their destinies for humans. They shouldn't tie themselves to humans," Whistler said, completely ignoring Blair's question, and Xander didn't think that Angel missed that.

"Oh yeah, because that would be way too human of them, except Angel was human once, and he didn't exactly sign up for the demon upgrade plan," Xander pointed out.

"Keep telling yourself that, kid. If you say it often enough, you just might believe it, but Angel is exactly where he put himself."

Blair shook his head. "Maybe. Only now he's putting himself out of your game, man. He has that right, too."

"The Powers that Be aren't going to be amused. And you," Whistler poked a finger in Blair's direction, "are on their shit list."

"Yeah, yeah, what's new? So, how's Aunt Petunia? Is her garden doing any better? Did she try the coffee grounds?"

For a second, Whistler just stared at Blair. Then he got a crooked grin on his face, but Xander was still not liking any expression on this guy. "You're headed for disaster, Cuz, but she thinks you’re a genius with azalea."

"I told her!" Blair said triumphantly. "She just didn't have the soil acidic enough for them. So, are you through trying to make your little prophesies of gloom and doom or do you have something more to add?"

"The danger's there," Whistler said as he looked over at Angel meaningfully. Xander could feel himself prickle up with a need to say something really biting and sarcastic, only he couldn't think of anything to say.

"Man, danger is everywhere," Blair countered. "You come in with all this destiny crap and you completely ignore the fact that we all have choices."

"And you ignore that some of us have destinies," Whistler countered. "And hiding from it does not make it go away." He looked at Angel with more than a little disgust.

"Jackass," Xander whispered, and Angel's arm tightened in warning.

"If it's really his destiny, he'll find it on his own with Xander at his side. He so totally does not need you with your gloom and doom act," Blair said as he crossed his arms. Whistler looked from Angel to Blair several times before he shook his head and just walked away.

"Xander," Angel said softly.

"Don't even think it," Xander warned. "If you're about to get all happy, I'll do something to torture you, like ask you to explain dominant and recessive traits in corn or something."

"If I have a destiny out there that isn't pretty, I shouldn't drag you into it." Angel said the words, but his arms just tightened around Xander, so it was pretty much clear what Angel really wanted. It was weird. Xander knew that Buffy and Willow loved him, but he never felt like they needed him. And now, here was Angel with his buff shoulders and his scary fighting skills and his way out of control bossiness, and Xander still felt like Angel needed him more than everyone else in his life put together.

"Man, don't go trying to make his choices for him," Blair warned as he reached over and shoved at Angel's arm. "It's bad karma. Besides, as a human, he has the right to choose."

"And if I don't like the choice?" Angel asked.

Xander answered for himself. "Suck it up and live with it. You bought me, and all purchases are final." This time, Xander actually managed to make that sound teasing without the sharp edge of earlier. "And don't worry about the happy because after that stunt, I will make sure you are never happy again," he said, smiling as he caught Blair's expression. He was trying hard not to laugh, and the expression on Blair's face nearly pushed him over into laughing himself.

Angel gave a pained sigh. "I don't suppose there really is much chance of you ever letting me have any peace and quiet, much less happiness."

"Oh man, happiness is not even necessarily happy," Blair said, which was not really making sense to Xander, but Blair kept right on going anyway. "This one human actually wrote about how humans invented happiness as an excuse to give up on striving to become something better or more real. He says happiness only exists as some pathetic attempt to justify mediocrity."

"Okay, that's sounding a little slightly totally depressing," Xander pointed out as Blair started walking toward the café, and Angel urged him to follow.

"That's Nietzsche for you," Blair shrugged.

"Hey, Willow talks about him. He wrote books, right?"

"Yep, and he was crazy as a bedbug, probably with a meningioma in a right side of his brain, but who knows. Personally, I say that it's all about the choices you make," Blair said as he pulled the door to the café open.

"You do know I have no idea what that word means, right?" Xander checked. Angel actually managed to let him go long enough for Xander to walk in the café on his own before Angel's hand landed on his shoulder again.

"Brain tumor," Blair clarified. "So, do you two have any plans while I catch a couple of hours sleep out back?" Blair winked at the waitress as he took the photocopied menu and slipped into a booth. Xander followed, not at all surprised when Angel slid in next to him. The big vamp might never admit it, but Xander was guessing that he was quietly freaking out. Xander let his hand rest on Angel's knee and really, really wished that Spike was still around. A good round of Spike-beating always put both vampires into a much, much better mood.

"I'm clueless. I don't even know what state we're in," Xander admitted.

"Colorado," Angel offered. "And I don't think there's much to do around here, but we could find a private spot and do a little sparring."

"Otherwise known as kicking my ass over and over while offering not encouraging words of untruthful encouragement like 'you can do it' when I clearly can't," Xander said ruefully to Blair. Blair laughed.

"Or you could work on your homework," Angel added darkly.

"Hey, sparring sounds good, we should so spar," Xander said brightly. Angel reached over and popped him on the shoulder hard enough to make Xander glare at him. "Nice, beat up on the guy who's dedicated his life to keeping you from the happy." Angel didn't answer as he studied his menu looking for something with enough crunch to be satisfying for a vampire who didn't actually need to eat. This was as close to happiness as either of them needed to get. And seriously, how crazy was Whistler to expect anyone to find perfect happiness? But Xander was relieved that the odds of perfect happiness were so crazy-stupid impossible because he kinda liked Angel with the soul still attached.

Current Mood: cheerful

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

shakatany.livejournal.com

Interesting re-write of canon. I had to think for awhile but as I recall that "great" messenger of the PTB only appeared in the "Becoming" eps. I'm glad in this 'verse Angel was forewarned about the happiness clause in the curse which was a significant oversight on the part of Whistler in canon.

Now that we have left canon far behind I wonder where you will take us. Looking forward to the trip.

Hope you're having a happy 4th.

Shakatany

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Kin of the Heart

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