Thoughts Colored Ugly 5
Jan. 3rd, 2008 07:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lit_galI really do like how this one is shaping up. Jayne is one tough, strong sub, but when he runs away from the one person who offers to take him in hand before he falls apart, his life just comes to pieces.
Thoughts Colored Ugly 5/?
River/Jayne
Rated: ADULT
Warnings: Dom/sub, slavery, angst.
Previous parts
Jayne brushed the sweat off his forehead before slipping his hat back on. Whole gorram fence was ready to fall apart. Something just felt right about pulling it up and putting the new one in. Leastwise, it was a whole lot better than sitting in the barn twiddling his thumbs doing a whole lot of nothing. He remembered being a boy and replacing a fence on their farm with his father. The old man had pulled the rotting wood from the ground and held it out for Jayne, showing him the tiny white bugs in the crumbling splinters.
Funny how working under the sun brought back memories he didn't rightly even know he still had. His father had shown him where to dig new holes to avoid the bugs, explained how a good fence could last a generation. His own father had put in the fence they were taking down. Jayne didn't have much memory of his grandfather, seemed like the Cobb men were destined to die young. Jayne felt a flash of anger.
Gorram fence hadn't lasted long after all. Gorram thing only lasted about six months longer than his gorram father who'd gone and died on them. Jayne put his shovel deep into the ground and tossed the dirt to one side as he tried to unbury the base. Whoever put this in hadn't packed the bottom with rock, made it too easy for the bugs to come in and eat the wood. Jayne had already fixed that on the first half of the fence line, and hopefully this fence would last longer than that one from his memory. Weren't nothing left of that fence after a year, not even firewood.
His step father had come with money… not enough money to buy the kind of land he wanted, but then he'd found a widow for that part. One of the first things he'd done was hire a rig to come in and rip out the wood fence and replace it with an electrical one. The neighbors had been mighty put out since it was their cows that kept showing up with electrical burns, but Jayne's step father never had been one for caring what other people thought. The man certainly didn't think much of a cryin' child throwing a tantrum, that's for sure.
Jayne had watched that machine destroy in one day everything he'd spent weeks working at building with his father. His ma had tried to sit and explain, Jayne remembered that, but it had just seemed so gorram unfair. Cows getting into the garden didn't seem near as important as erasing something that his father had built, something Jayne's own hands had helped build. He'd held the post as his father had shoveled the rock, and now some chou ba guai machine was rippin' it out.
His step father had slapped him across the face and called him a baby, and not even that had stopped him. Jayne hadn't stopped throwing his fit until he'd seen his ma start crying. He never did stop being angry, even when he told his ma he had. Never lied to his ma before that.
Sinking the shovel into the hard ground, Jayne pried on it again, muscles straining as he tried to get the old post out. The rotted wood gave with a sharp crack and Jayne stumbled back a bit. Felt good, making something give way to him. The wood would make passable firewood once he'd corded it. He might have time for that tomorrow. He figured he'd proved himself enough to be trusted with an ax. If not, he'd leave it for Mann up by the house. The way the man wheezed when he did anything more than walk a dozen steps, the wood would rot to dust before he got around to chopping firewood, but maybe the missus could finish the job after she dropped that pup of hers.
A noise behind him meant that Mann was ready to be noticed. Jayne had given up trying to pay attention whenever the man appeared because apparently other people found it real unnatural how he knew when someone was behind him. Jayne couldn't exactly turn off that sense of danger when people were at his back, but he was getting better at ignoring it. At this point, if it got him dead, Jayne could only count that as a blessing.
He leaned the shovel against the bit of fence that was still standing and sank wearily to his knees. It were getting too easy to do that, and having to kneel for Mann had ruined most of his good bunk fantasies, but Jayne was getting used to that, too.
"I can't believe how much of the fence you have done; it's looking great. I'll go into town and get more posts." Mann held out a glass of lemonade, and Jayne reached for it, ignoring the flare of something warm at the compliment.
"Not smart, letting the wood rot. Once it gets bugs, the things will take out the good wood with the bad," Jayne said. If he couldn’t come right out and call Mann fat and little, he'd settle for getting more subtle digs in. Problem bein' that either Jayne was remarkable bad at being subtle—which very well might be the case—or Mann was unusual thick.
He just nodded with a hint of embarrassment in his smile. "Can't do the work myself, and most of the slaves I get aren't the best. I can't really afford high-quality slaves."
Jayne focused on his lemonade and not the thoughts rattling around in his brain. Fact was, this place weren't bad. The missus cooked good, and the work was satisfying. Okay, not as satisfying as seeing some wang ba dan look at him with fear in his eyes, but seeing the new fence finished along the west side gave Jayne some satisfaction.
"Are you going to be finished in three days? If you can dig out the old posts and set new ones, I should be able to handle the cross pieces, but I don't want the fence down, and with the baby coming, I can't afford a hired hand."
Jayne tipped his hat back before he finished the lemonade. "Could keep me around the place. If you had someone who weren't so sickly, you could put in some cows. That west field would take corn good," Jayne suggested slowly. A little piece of his brain kicked him… hard. He'd never slip free of the leash here on Estias, but if he went and got sold, there weren't no guarantee that he'd be sold to a border-world. Better the owner you know. And Mann was looking thoughtful.
"I really wish I could." Mann took his own hat off and nervously scratched at his turkey neck, something that always meant the man was about to say something that Jayne wasn't going to like none. "I'll never be able to afford anyone as good as you, and I'm really afraid you aren't going to bring full value at market. You have a habit of looking scary when you aren't being careful, so it seems like a good business move, keeping you around the place."
Mann sighed heavily, and Jayne could hear the 'but' in that silence. "The wife really doesn't want a slave around when the baby comes. I mean, she knows you aren't dangerous, and she really appreciates the work you've put in here at the farm. Let me tell you, she doesn't just make her strawberry-rhubarb pie in the middle of the week for no reason. But she's not really okay with slavery. She puts up with me bringing someone home for three weeks every now and then because we need the money." More neck scratching. "I even tried to talk to her about keeping… you know." Mann just sort of ran out of words, which was unusual. Most times, the man could talk until Jayne's ears was hurting.
"So, she's okay with me bein' sold to someone I don't know, but she weren't willing to even consider keeping me around?" Jayne summarized that whole awkward speech. Mann didn't answer, which was answer enough.
"I tried," Mann said unhappily as he held out his hand. Jayne handed over the lemonade glass.
"Ain't your fault," Jayne sighed. Likely it wasn't. Mann had all the spine of a jellyfish, and for all the missus' good cooking, she wouldn't never even meet Jayne. He didn't know her past a glimpse of a female face at a window. And maybe she were right, Jayne wasn't the sort you wanted around if you were going to have little 'uns running around the place.
"I need to go into town," Mann blurted.
Jayne nodded and started to stand, but Mann's hand landed on his shoulder, keeping him in place. Jayne still had to fight a gut-level need to shake off that controlling hand.
"I thought maybe I could let you work the fence while I took the cart in."
Jayne looked up in surprise. When Mann was gone, Jayne spent his time in the slave cage. He'd discovered over the last two and a half weeks that there weren't nothing in this world he hated more than having to sit still with his own thoughts, but it wasn't like anyone had asked for his opinion on the matter.
"Could work on getting the last three posts down before sunset," Jayne agreed casually.
Mann shifted nervously from one foot to the other.
"I ain't going to go and get stupid," Jayne said with a sign. There was stupid and then there was trying to run on a slave world. Jayne's stupidity ran to getting drunk and gambling with his own freedom, not getting himself tortured and broken.
"I'm just counting on the price you'll bring what with the doctor's bills, and if you run, that's the sort of thing that would go in your sale file," Mann admitted slowly, and the discussion of Jayne's price was enough to sour any warm and fuzzy feeling he'd had earlier.
"I'm a mite bit more worried about what they'd do to me when they caught up with me," Jayne pointed out, his anger barely in check. Having Mann talk about his sale like he were a cow did hit that aggravation button pretty hard.
"See, that's the expression that's not likely to inspire trust in any buyers. I know you're just cranky, but they might think you were looking 'bout ready to snap my neck like a twig." Mann gave a weak laugh that ended abruptly.
Jayne didn't answer since whatever he said was likely to get him locked in his cage again. Instead he just tried to push aside the frustration of his coming sale and focus on the nice straight fence section he'd finished as it cast a long shadow in the afternoon light. For heavy minutes, Jayne knelt and endured Mann's hand on his shoulder.
"Right then, I should go," Mann said, uncharacteristically quiet. Jayne still didn't answer. "Jayne," he said softly, "I'm real sorry. I appreciate how much you've done because no way under the sun would I ever have worked you this hard, and you been giving your everything here. Means a lot, what you've done. I know I'm not a good provider for my family, and sometimes I don't rightly know how we're going to make it through another winter, but what you've done here matters. I really am sorry."
Jayne took a deep breath. "Got your own family to worry about. I'll take care of myself, always have," Jayne said shortly. Wasn't much else to say. Mann's hand disappeared, but Jayne kept his eyes focused on this distant fence rather than Mann's awkward heavy-footed walk as he headed for the barn.
Resting on his knees, Jayne watched as Mann drove the cart up the road. Kaylee should look at that engine what with the rattling noise. Jayne shoved that thought as far back as he could. He'd turned his back on them just as sure as he'd turned his back on his ma and Matty. Weren't Matty's fault he was the offspring of that wang ba dan his ma had married, but Jayne still didn't even write him. Yeah, he was good at walking away, about as good as people were at letting him walk away.
Jayne felt an uncontrollable anger rise up that Mal had just let him leave. Didn't make no sense because Mal hadn't ever taken responsibility for anyone on the Serenity. If someone wanted to walk away, he just got that constipated expression of his and crossed his arms. And River hadn't even come out to see him off.
River's words drifted through his mind: he thought too loud. Never thought the crazy girl would be right about anything, but she was right about that. Gorram thoughts just kept bouncing around his head like freight no one had secured before Wash sent the ship into a roll.
Wash, River, Mal. Reaching up, Jayne fingered the blue stone around his neck. Kaylee. It was like they still colored his memories, more than his ma and that long-dead father he still hated for leavin' him, more than a decade of reveling in doing bad. He wondered if those years on Serenity would still feel shiny after a few decades of digging in the dirt because if he got sold on one of the three slave worlds, he were going to die a slave. Least, he'd be a slave until he was too old to work, and then he'd be turned out "free" to starve to death. Feeling old enough to be ready for pasture already, Jayne pushed himself up and picked up the shovel. The next post wouldn't dig itself out of the ground.
He tried to find that place where all that mattered was the shovel digging into the earth, a place where seeing his work was enough to let his mind slide away from that all-powerful fear of his yangwei future. Instead, each shovelful weighted on him, his muscles straining against the dirt and the old wood as his thoughts kept creeping back in. Gorram thoughts just weren't leaving him be.
River had said they shouted in the darkness. Jayne closed his eyes and struggled with some unnamed emotion for a moment. If it weren't for her, he'd still be back on Serenity. He wouldn't be looking at a life of being worked on some farm by some gan ni niang who could do what he pleased. Jayne wouldn't be stuck in no life where he didn't have no recourse, where he couldn’t go complaining to the captain or jumping ship when things got too hard. 'Course, if he could just get sold to some dirt farmer on some border world, he could slip the leash, and stay gorram free as long as he avoided slaver worlds and bounty hunters. That was better than turning his life over to whatever asshole bought him at auction.
Jayne sank the shovel as deep as he could, his arm muscles straining. Had enough of bein' under someone else's power. His ma had given him over to his step-father for disciplining and look how well that worked out. Jayne could almost feel the hot strikes of the belt across his naked butt. Cao. Didn't want to think about that. Should just focus on work.
Time after time, Jayne raised the shovel and brought it down hard against the hard-packed earth. Clods flew as he attacked the ground with all the frustration he felt rising up in his chest. Hadn't felt this gorram helpless since he'd been that kid bent over a chair with his step-father's hand holding him down. Didn't want to feel that helpless now. Just couldn't stop feeling it.
Jayne only dimly noticed the base of the post leaning, the ground yielding to his furious blows. Stomping to the next post, he attacked the ground around the new post, working until his shoulders burned and his elbows ached with the force of the blows against the unyielding earth. The edge of his shovel hit the wood and split it, and Jayne cursed as he struggled to pull the thing free of the divided post. The metal screeched against the wood as he yanked it free. Struggling to catch his breath, Jayne dropped the shovel and sat heavily on the ground, resting his head against his forearms. Cao. Yeah, if Mal could see him now, the cap would have a real good laugh at how much Jayne had fucked his own life.
Closing his eyes tightly, Jayne struggled to just breathe, breathe and focus on the here and now. He couldn't control his gorram future, so he just needed to focus on the fence. Nothin' mattered but the fence. If he could just put that up nice and straight, he didn't need to think about anything else.
Jayne glanced at the distant hills on the far side of the house. A part of him wanted to run real bad. Real bad. He didn't reckon he'd get far, but it'd give him a reason to be playin' such a fucking cooperative little slave. Building Mann his fence, tryin' so hard to do it just the way his father'd shown him. He was fucking weak. Never should've knelt to a fat zhu tou like Killer Mann. If he ran, they'd send soldiers after him. Might even kill him. He could go down fighting someone who weren't fat and stupid and weak.
Jayne stood up and looked at them hills. Really looked. The curtains fluttered at the window, and Jayne could see just one eye. From here, he couldn't even see what color it were. The missus. He wondered what she saw when she looked out her window at him. Obviously wasn't anything too good. Jayne glanced back at the section he was working. One good shove and this post would give, leaving him just one last post standing.
Jayne glanced towards the hills again. He might've done it, but he was just so gorram tired. Picking up the shovel, he headed for the last post. He could get it out and stack them up by the house before dark if he hurried.
Thoughts Colored Ugly 5/?
River/Jayne
Rated: ADULT
Warnings: Dom/sub, slavery, angst.
Previous parts
Jayne brushed the sweat off his forehead before slipping his hat back on. Whole gorram fence was ready to fall apart. Something just felt right about pulling it up and putting the new one in. Leastwise, it was a whole lot better than sitting in the barn twiddling his thumbs doing a whole lot of nothing. He remembered being a boy and replacing a fence on their farm with his father. The old man had pulled the rotting wood from the ground and held it out for Jayne, showing him the tiny white bugs in the crumbling splinters.
Funny how working under the sun brought back memories he didn't rightly even know he still had. His father had shown him where to dig new holes to avoid the bugs, explained how a good fence could last a generation. His own father had put in the fence they were taking down. Jayne didn't have much memory of his grandfather, seemed like the Cobb men were destined to die young. Jayne felt a flash of anger.
Gorram fence hadn't lasted long after all. Gorram thing only lasted about six months longer than his gorram father who'd gone and died on them. Jayne put his shovel deep into the ground and tossed the dirt to one side as he tried to unbury the base. Whoever put this in hadn't packed the bottom with rock, made it too easy for the bugs to come in and eat the wood. Jayne had already fixed that on the first half of the fence line, and hopefully this fence would last longer than that one from his memory. Weren't nothing left of that fence after a year, not even firewood.
His step father had come with money… not enough money to buy the kind of land he wanted, but then he'd found a widow for that part. One of the first things he'd done was hire a rig to come in and rip out the wood fence and replace it with an electrical one. The neighbors had been mighty put out since it was their cows that kept showing up with electrical burns, but Jayne's step father never had been one for caring what other people thought. The man certainly didn't think much of a cryin' child throwing a tantrum, that's for sure.
Jayne had watched that machine destroy in one day everything he'd spent weeks working at building with his father. His ma had tried to sit and explain, Jayne remembered that, but it had just seemed so gorram unfair. Cows getting into the garden didn't seem near as important as erasing something that his father had built, something Jayne's own hands had helped build. He'd held the post as his father had shoveled the rock, and now some chou ba guai machine was rippin' it out.
His step father had slapped him across the face and called him a baby, and not even that had stopped him. Jayne hadn't stopped throwing his fit until he'd seen his ma start crying. He never did stop being angry, even when he told his ma he had. Never lied to his ma before that.
Sinking the shovel into the hard ground, Jayne pried on it again, muscles straining as he tried to get the old post out. The rotted wood gave with a sharp crack and Jayne stumbled back a bit. Felt good, making something give way to him. The wood would make passable firewood once he'd corded it. He might have time for that tomorrow. He figured he'd proved himself enough to be trusted with an ax. If not, he'd leave it for Mann up by the house. The way the man wheezed when he did anything more than walk a dozen steps, the wood would rot to dust before he got around to chopping firewood, but maybe the missus could finish the job after she dropped that pup of hers.
A noise behind him meant that Mann was ready to be noticed. Jayne had given up trying to pay attention whenever the man appeared because apparently other people found it real unnatural how he knew when someone was behind him. Jayne couldn't exactly turn off that sense of danger when people were at his back, but he was getting better at ignoring it. At this point, if it got him dead, Jayne could only count that as a blessing.
He leaned the shovel against the bit of fence that was still standing and sank wearily to his knees. It were getting too easy to do that, and having to kneel for Mann had ruined most of his good bunk fantasies, but Jayne was getting used to that, too.
"I can't believe how much of the fence you have done; it's looking great. I'll go into town and get more posts." Mann held out a glass of lemonade, and Jayne reached for it, ignoring the flare of something warm at the compliment.
"Not smart, letting the wood rot. Once it gets bugs, the things will take out the good wood with the bad," Jayne said. If he couldn’t come right out and call Mann fat and little, he'd settle for getting more subtle digs in. Problem bein' that either Jayne was remarkable bad at being subtle—which very well might be the case—or Mann was unusual thick.
He just nodded with a hint of embarrassment in his smile. "Can't do the work myself, and most of the slaves I get aren't the best. I can't really afford high-quality slaves."
Jayne focused on his lemonade and not the thoughts rattling around in his brain. Fact was, this place weren't bad. The missus cooked good, and the work was satisfying. Okay, not as satisfying as seeing some wang ba dan look at him with fear in his eyes, but seeing the new fence finished along the west side gave Jayne some satisfaction.
"Are you going to be finished in three days? If you can dig out the old posts and set new ones, I should be able to handle the cross pieces, but I don't want the fence down, and with the baby coming, I can't afford a hired hand."
Jayne tipped his hat back before he finished the lemonade. "Could keep me around the place. If you had someone who weren't so sickly, you could put in some cows. That west field would take corn good," Jayne suggested slowly. A little piece of his brain kicked him… hard. He'd never slip free of the leash here on Estias, but if he went and got sold, there weren't no guarantee that he'd be sold to a border-world. Better the owner you know. And Mann was looking thoughtful.
"I really wish I could." Mann took his own hat off and nervously scratched at his turkey neck, something that always meant the man was about to say something that Jayne wasn't going to like none. "I'll never be able to afford anyone as good as you, and I'm really afraid you aren't going to bring full value at market. You have a habit of looking scary when you aren't being careful, so it seems like a good business move, keeping you around the place."
Mann sighed heavily, and Jayne could hear the 'but' in that silence. "The wife really doesn't want a slave around when the baby comes. I mean, she knows you aren't dangerous, and she really appreciates the work you've put in here at the farm. Let me tell you, she doesn't just make her strawberry-rhubarb pie in the middle of the week for no reason. But she's not really okay with slavery. She puts up with me bringing someone home for three weeks every now and then because we need the money." More neck scratching. "I even tried to talk to her about keeping… you know." Mann just sort of ran out of words, which was unusual. Most times, the man could talk until Jayne's ears was hurting.
"So, she's okay with me bein' sold to someone I don't know, but she weren't willing to even consider keeping me around?" Jayne summarized that whole awkward speech. Mann didn't answer, which was answer enough.
"I tried," Mann said unhappily as he held out his hand. Jayne handed over the lemonade glass.
"Ain't your fault," Jayne sighed. Likely it wasn't. Mann had all the spine of a jellyfish, and for all the missus' good cooking, she wouldn't never even meet Jayne. He didn't know her past a glimpse of a female face at a window. And maybe she were right, Jayne wasn't the sort you wanted around if you were going to have little 'uns running around the place.
"I need to go into town," Mann blurted.
Jayne nodded and started to stand, but Mann's hand landed on his shoulder, keeping him in place. Jayne still had to fight a gut-level need to shake off that controlling hand.
"I thought maybe I could let you work the fence while I took the cart in."
Jayne looked up in surprise. When Mann was gone, Jayne spent his time in the slave cage. He'd discovered over the last two and a half weeks that there weren't nothing in this world he hated more than having to sit still with his own thoughts, but it wasn't like anyone had asked for his opinion on the matter.
"Could work on getting the last three posts down before sunset," Jayne agreed casually.
Mann shifted nervously from one foot to the other.
"I ain't going to go and get stupid," Jayne said with a sign. There was stupid and then there was trying to run on a slave world. Jayne's stupidity ran to getting drunk and gambling with his own freedom, not getting himself tortured and broken.
"I'm just counting on the price you'll bring what with the doctor's bills, and if you run, that's the sort of thing that would go in your sale file," Mann admitted slowly, and the discussion of Jayne's price was enough to sour any warm and fuzzy feeling he'd had earlier.
"I'm a mite bit more worried about what they'd do to me when they caught up with me," Jayne pointed out, his anger barely in check. Having Mann talk about his sale like he were a cow did hit that aggravation button pretty hard.
"See, that's the expression that's not likely to inspire trust in any buyers. I know you're just cranky, but they might think you were looking 'bout ready to snap my neck like a twig." Mann gave a weak laugh that ended abruptly.
Jayne didn't answer since whatever he said was likely to get him locked in his cage again. Instead he just tried to push aside the frustration of his coming sale and focus on the nice straight fence section he'd finished as it cast a long shadow in the afternoon light. For heavy minutes, Jayne knelt and endured Mann's hand on his shoulder.
"Right then, I should go," Mann said, uncharacteristically quiet. Jayne still didn't answer. "Jayne," he said softly, "I'm real sorry. I appreciate how much you've done because no way under the sun would I ever have worked you this hard, and you been giving your everything here. Means a lot, what you've done. I know I'm not a good provider for my family, and sometimes I don't rightly know how we're going to make it through another winter, but what you've done here matters. I really am sorry."
Jayne took a deep breath. "Got your own family to worry about. I'll take care of myself, always have," Jayne said shortly. Wasn't much else to say. Mann's hand disappeared, but Jayne kept his eyes focused on this distant fence rather than Mann's awkward heavy-footed walk as he headed for the barn.
Resting on his knees, Jayne watched as Mann drove the cart up the road. Kaylee should look at that engine what with the rattling noise. Jayne shoved that thought as far back as he could. He'd turned his back on them just as sure as he'd turned his back on his ma and Matty. Weren't Matty's fault he was the offspring of that wang ba dan his ma had married, but Jayne still didn't even write him. Yeah, he was good at walking away, about as good as people were at letting him walk away.
Jayne felt an uncontrollable anger rise up that Mal had just let him leave. Didn't make no sense because Mal hadn't ever taken responsibility for anyone on the Serenity. If someone wanted to walk away, he just got that constipated expression of his and crossed his arms. And River hadn't even come out to see him off.
River's words drifted through his mind: he thought too loud. Never thought the crazy girl would be right about anything, but she was right about that. Gorram thoughts just kept bouncing around his head like freight no one had secured before Wash sent the ship into a roll.
Wash, River, Mal. Reaching up, Jayne fingered the blue stone around his neck. Kaylee. It was like they still colored his memories, more than his ma and that long-dead father he still hated for leavin' him, more than a decade of reveling in doing bad. He wondered if those years on Serenity would still feel shiny after a few decades of digging in the dirt because if he got sold on one of the three slave worlds, he were going to die a slave. Least, he'd be a slave until he was too old to work, and then he'd be turned out "free" to starve to death. Feeling old enough to be ready for pasture already, Jayne pushed himself up and picked up the shovel. The next post wouldn't dig itself out of the ground.
He tried to find that place where all that mattered was the shovel digging into the earth, a place where seeing his work was enough to let his mind slide away from that all-powerful fear of his yangwei future. Instead, each shovelful weighted on him, his muscles straining against the dirt and the old wood as his thoughts kept creeping back in. Gorram thoughts just weren't leaving him be.
River had said they shouted in the darkness. Jayne closed his eyes and struggled with some unnamed emotion for a moment. If it weren't for her, he'd still be back on Serenity. He wouldn't be looking at a life of being worked on some farm by some gan ni niang who could do what he pleased. Jayne wouldn't be stuck in no life where he didn't have no recourse, where he couldn’t go complaining to the captain or jumping ship when things got too hard. 'Course, if he could just get sold to some dirt farmer on some border world, he could slip the leash, and stay gorram free as long as he avoided slaver worlds and bounty hunters. That was better than turning his life over to whatever asshole bought him at auction.
Jayne sank the shovel as deep as he could, his arm muscles straining. Had enough of bein' under someone else's power. His ma had given him over to his step-father for disciplining and look how well that worked out. Jayne could almost feel the hot strikes of the belt across his naked butt. Cao. Didn't want to think about that. Should just focus on work.
Time after time, Jayne raised the shovel and brought it down hard against the hard-packed earth. Clods flew as he attacked the ground with all the frustration he felt rising up in his chest. Hadn't felt this gorram helpless since he'd been that kid bent over a chair with his step-father's hand holding him down. Didn't want to feel that helpless now. Just couldn't stop feeling it.
Jayne only dimly noticed the base of the post leaning, the ground yielding to his furious blows. Stomping to the next post, he attacked the ground around the new post, working until his shoulders burned and his elbows ached with the force of the blows against the unyielding earth. The edge of his shovel hit the wood and split it, and Jayne cursed as he struggled to pull the thing free of the divided post. The metal screeched against the wood as he yanked it free. Struggling to catch his breath, Jayne dropped the shovel and sat heavily on the ground, resting his head against his forearms. Cao. Yeah, if Mal could see him now, the cap would have a real good laugh at how much Jayne had fucked his own life.
Closing his eyes tightly, Jayne struggled to just breathe, breathe and focus on the here and now. He couldn't control his gorram future, so he just needed to focus on the fence. Nothin' mattered but the fence. If he could just put that up nice and straight, he didn't need to think about anything else.
Jayne glanced at the distant hills on the far side of the house. A part of him wanted to run real bad. Real bad. He didn't reckon he'd get far, but it'd give him a reason to be playin' such a fucking cooperative little slave. Building Mann his fence, tryin' so hard to do it just the way his father'd shown him. He was fucking weak. Never should've knelt to a fat zhu tou like Killer Mann. If he ran, they'd send soldiers after him. Might even kill him. He could go down fighting someone who weren't fat and stupid and weak.
Jayne stood up and looked at them hills. Really looked. The curtains fluttered at the window, and Jayne could see just one eye. From here, he couldn't even see what color it were. The missus. He wondered what she saw when she looked out her window at him. Obviously wasn't anything too good. Jayne glanced back at the section he was working. One good shove and this post would give, leaving him just one last post standing.
Jayne glanced towards the hills again. He might've done it, but he was just so gorram tired. Picking up the shovel, he headed for the last post. He could get it out and stack them up by the house before dark if he hurried.
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Date: 2008-01-04 03:01 am (UTC)Excellent work. Thanks for sharing.
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Date: 2008-01-04 03:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 03:50 am (UTC)really really liking all this insight into jayne and i love the interaction between him and mann
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Date: 2008-01-04 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 05:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 05:28 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-01-04 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 04:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 03:03 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-01-04 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 08:04 pm (UTC)My heart went out to him when he was looking out to the hills thinking of running and dieing free. Poor Jayne (cuddles and pets him)
Glad to see more of the story, can't wait for more.
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Date: 2008-01-04 08:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-04 08:36 pm (UTC)...and so far, so very good!
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Date: 2008-01-04 08:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-05 04:54 am (UTC)Laurie
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Date: 2008-01-05 04:56 am (UTC)And I"m glad you like Mann. I wanted him at least a little likable since he's the one who's really going to profit from Jayne's sale.
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Date: 2008-01-05 02:54 pm (UTC)Mann is a great character, as is his wife (for all we really don't see her, she is a constant presence, through Mann).
And I'm remembering Jayne getting that crazy hat from his mother and how proud he was of it.
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Date: 2008-01-05 04:30 pm (UTC)