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Nov. 4th, 2012 12:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lit_galDarkening Haze.
Okay, I need some advice. People who have NOT read Gathering Storm, does this make sense to you? I am struggling with that all-important question of backstory. How much do you provide? I've reworked this about three times, and I just need some new eyes.
My concerns include:
I have too little backstory in there so it's too confusing
I have too much backstory in there so it's too confusing
The characters rely too much on backstory and they don't stand on their own for a reader who is new to them.
Of course if you have read Gathering Storm, I would still love your help, too.
Jeff sipped at his coffee and read the paper. The story of Thompson’s crimes and his death had slipped to the back pages, which made him just as happy. Too many people knew Jeff had been involved in the investigation and intimately involved in the death. The water stopped running in the bathroom, and Jeff lowered the paper enough to watch Vinnie come out.
Sure enough, a few seconds later, Vinnie came stumbling down the short hall, his thick, dark hair standing up in messy clumps and his eyes not even half open. Sleep pants hung low on his hips, showing off the dusting of dark hair down his stomach, disappearing under his waistband. His stomach was just starting to show off a newly-developed six pack, the result of long workouts with Jeff.
Retirement gave Jeff entirely too much time to devise new workouts--long runs in the mountains surrounding their Maryland home, bike rides through forest trails, heavy hours lifting weights in the largely ignored apartment complex workout room. Jeff would feel guilty about pushing Vinnie so hard, but Vinnie did seem to enjoy being pushed.
"Coffee," Vinnie muttered as he shuffled past the table, his eyes mere slits. "My brain does not start without either sex or coffee. Or both. Both works." Years in the Army had taught Jeff to keep a straight face. It was hard being an officer if you cracked a smile at the drunken antics of privates on leave. However, he still felt the corner of his mouth twitch. There was something about Vinnie that simply amused him.
"Someone didn't wake me up," Vinnie complained as he came back out of the kitchen, his hands cradling a cup of steaming coffee turned gray with milk.
"Do you think I should have tied you to the bed when you were still asleep and then woke you with a spanking and a hard fuck?" Jeff asked mildly as he reached for his own cup. He'd done that several times. He suspected that Vinnie had faked sleep in order to encourage Jeff to use his body. Vinnie did like being used.
"Well... yeah. It's kinda hot," Vinnie agreed. "Feel free to wake me up that way any time you want." He pulled out the second chair at their tiny table and sat.
Jeff grunted. If he did that every day, or even every other day, it would lose the appeal quickly. Half of keeping Vinnie amused involved finding new ways to use and abuse that beautiful body. And Jeff didn’t plan to disappoint. When he set out to complete a mission, he did have a reputation for being rather single minded in pursuit of his goals.
"Or not. I'm not trying to top from the bottom here," Vinnie quickly added.
"Yes you are," Jeff pointed out. "You wouldn't be Vinnie if you weren't."
That got a quick duck of the head and a glance of dark eyes from behind shaggy bangs. Jeff simply gazed back until Vinnie lifted his head. "Okay, maybe I am." With a put-upon sigh he set the cup down and gave Jeff a searching look. "Not being able to manipulate you... it's equal parts really hot and totally annoying."
Jeff folded his newspaper and looked at Vinnie.
"Definitely no manipulating the great Charleston," Vinnie said with a laugh, but then he cringed at his own slip. "Kalb. Jeff Kalb. Crap." Vinnie ran a hand over his face. "I do know your name. Honestly I do. I’m just not awake, and I got used to thinking of you as Charleston. You have to admit Joshua Sawyer Charleston is a name that sticks in someone’s memory."
“And it’s not my name,” Kalb pointed out. The name and his life teaching in a military academy were both part of a cover FBI agent Dwayne Kaplan had created. One little joke about the name Dwayne, and the jerk had stuck Kalb with the name Joshua Sawyer Charleston. It sounded like some slave owner from the eighteen-hundreds, a man who drank mint juleps and smoked cigars, or something equally ridiculous.
“I know. That’s what I’m trying to get used to. Kalb. Jeff Kalb. Private Citizen Jeff Kalb.” Frowning, Vinnie ran his fingers over the edge of his coffee cup. “Seriously, it feels weird that I keep calling my lover the wrong name.”
Private Citizen. Those words cut into Jeff’s guts. At least he’d gotten his honorable discharge. Putting his life on the line to try and bring down a sadist hiding in the military had earned him some respect somewhere up the line. Unfortunately, that hadn't been enough to save his military career from charges that he was a sexual sadist, especially since the charges were true.
“Seriously, it’s a little ironic that they kicked you out for being gay weeks before the law changed," Vinnie pointed out, but he sounded more pensive than angry about it. Standing up, he took his coffee and leaned against the wall to the kitchen, his body not able to sit still now that he was staring to wake up.
Vinnie had changed so much in a couple of months. He still had the dark eyes and a certain habit of ducking his head and looking up through his lashes that made him look about as fuckable as any man alive. However, that surface now hid something more serious. Not that Vinnie had ever been as shallow as he liked to pretend. He'd been raised with a silver spoon, but he walked away from his father's money and his father's rules to live as an unapologetically gay man. That took balls.
“They would have kicked me out anyway,” Kalb pointed out. “Don’t ask don’t tell never covered my situation.”
Vinnie scratched low on his side. One of Jeff's whips had curled around and left a little mark there, and Vinnie had developed the habit of fingering the mark.
"Is this more of that crap about appearances?" Vinnie demanded. "Because your appearance is that of a man who is all in charge all the time. I'm guessing you were a good officer, and if you're gay in private, that's none of their business."
Kalb raised his eyebrows. They'd had this conversation before, so Kalb knew that Vinnie understood his position. Vinnie had an infinite ability to ignore anything he didn't agree with. Kalb had never before met a man who could match him, stubborn for stubborn.
"They should rehire you, not that I'm encouraging you to go back into the service because I'm used to having your full attention now and I would suck as an Army wife. Seriously, though, they are nuts for not wanting you as an officer."
Kalb didn't argue. Arguing with Vinnie was a little like trying to argue with a waterfall... it just kept right on going without paying much attention to what you did or said.
The fact was that any command Kalb walked into would be a disaster. Now that the story of Thompson and the underground BDSM clubs where Jeff had met the psycho had gone public, everyone would know two things. Jeff had helped bring the asshole down and Jeff only knew about him because they both went to the same clubs when in search of sexual partners who enjoyed a little pain.
The men would look at him and see a gay dominant, a man who enjoyed a little sadism--who reveled in the sight of Vinnie tied tightly to the bed as he squirmed under the lash and made that little strangled squawking noise that meant he'd promise anything in return for permission to come. There wasn't anything quite as sensual as the sight of whip marks criss-crossing white against Vinnie's reddened back. As much as Kalb loved all that in his private life, he understood that the military couldn't put him in a position of authority, not when the men would see him as a kinky sadist first, and an officer second.
"You're never going to see my side of this, are you?" Vinnie asked after several minutes of silence.
"Nope," Kalb agreed.
Vinnie shrugged and then wandered into their small living room. He settled down on the arm of one of the chairs, looking out the sliding glass door at the forests behind the apartment complex. "What are we doing today? I mean, should I be putting on workout clothes or are we hitting the grocery store?"
Kalb delayed by taking a drink of his coffee. Some days he wondered if Vinnie was trying to provoke his more dominate qualities by offering up power like this. While Jeff had played hard in the past, even forcing his subs to call him “master” when the need for that power exchange was greater than rope could satisfy. However, he had never had a partner who turned over daily choices this way. Jeff wasn't even sure it was healthy, but then he wasn't exactly the expert on that. He only knew that he did enjoy the feeling of holding that metaphorical leash that could pull Vinnie close enough to keep him safe and make him squirm in need.
"What do you want to do?" Jeff asked, studying Vinnie for a reaction. Would he be disappointed that Kalb didn't take more power? Vinnie's dynamic was so obviously submissive... he wanted someone to take control and love and praise him. He'd probably adore puppy play if he got past the embarrassment of it. However, Vinnie's bratty side came out so often because there was some part of him that wanted more control.
"Is this one of those trick questions where whatever I say you do the opposite to prove that you get to make the final decision because you're the big, bad dom?" Vinnie asked.
"I'll take your preferences in mind, but I don't promise we'll do what you want."
Vinnie seemed to relax. "Okay," he said slowly. "What if I wanted to spend the day tied to the bed while you used me over and over? Well, at least until I have to go to work."
Vinnie was clearly a little too optimistic about how often a man on the north side of forty could come; however, Jeff had to admit that it was a tempting. However, giving Vinnie what he wanted rarely gave Vinnie what he needed. "If you're tied to a bed, who is having to put in all the effort?"
Vinnie ducked his head, his hair falling in front of his eyes like a veil.
“I have another idea.” Jeff believed in actions more than words. Getting up, he stalked toward Vinnie, stretching his neck from side to side as he thought about how much he was going to enjoy this. Vinnie quickly abandoned the chair and backed up, his pupils growing larger as he watched Jeff. Now he was quiet.
Jeff kept moving forward into Vinnie’s personal space, closer and closer until he pressed his body up against Vinnie’s. Once Jeff used his hip to physically pin Vinnie up against the wall, Vinnie’s hands came up, fingers clutching at Jeff’s shoulders. Catching Vinnie’s wrists, Jeff pinned them against the wall and gave Vinnie a wolfish grin. “I have a very good idea,” he said before he leaned in for a hard, demanding kiss. He could feel Vinnie squirm, but Jeff just leaned more of his weight into him.
Jeff had years of training, first as a recruit, then as an MP and finally as special forces specializing in infiltration and counter-insurgency. Vinnie might have youth on his side, but he couldn’t match Jeff for sheer physicality. Without letting go of Vinnie’s wrists, Jeff essentially manhandled him around, putting Vinnie’s face to the wall.
The helplessness was enough to make Vinnie pant, his breath coming with that little hitch that he got when he would promise a month of cleaning toilets in return for the right to come. He was so very beautifully submissive. Jeff brought both Vinnie’s hands down to the small of his back and pinned them there while he used one hand to pull his robe tie free. While Vinnie would stand still and let Jeff tie him, forcing him was so much more enjoyable—for both of them.
Once he had firmly tied Vinnie’s wrists, Jeff leaned close. He could smell Vinnie’s shampoo and feel the heat pouring off his back. His lips no more than an inch from Vinnie’s ear, he whispered, “Tell me what you want.”
“To come,” Vinnie blurted out. He knew that Jeff wouldn’t give him that… not for a long time. But still, he felt the need to ask for the very boon he knew his lover wouldn’t grant. Jeff smiled and let his hand slide over Vinnie’s bare flank and then inside those loose sleep pants. He teased Vinnie briefly, skimming fingertips over the nest of hair before he finally reached down for that hard, needy dick.
“No,” Jeff whispered in Vinnie’s ear. That earned him a low groan of need. Jeff wasn’t surprised given the hardness of Vinnie’s cock.
Taking a firm hold of Vinnie’s arm and shoulder, Jeff marched him back toward the bedroom. He took Vinnie to the end of their bed. It was taller than a standard bed—just like Jeff preferred. One good shove, and he put Vinnie face down in the middle of the mattress and then kicked his feet apart so that Vinnie lay half-on, half-off the bed.
Jeff took the opportunity to run his hands over that expanse of warm skin. He’d dominated any number of partners in his life… whipped them… fucked them. But the simple act of running his hands over a lover’s bare arms and then down to the vulnerable sides… that was new. Never before had he known another’s body so intimately.
He ghosted his fingertips over the sensitive flesh just above Vinnie’s hip bones until Vinnie squirmed and laughed and twitched helplessly in an attempt to protect himself. “Please,” Vinnie gasped out, but Jeff pressed against Vinnie’s ass, pinning more firmly to the bed as he kept tickling. Never before had Jeff ever feasted on a submissive the way he had with Vinnie. Sometimes he felt like a glutton wolfing down a meal because it tasted so good he simply couldn’t stop. Vinnie writhed, his legs kicking out helplessly. The laughter came now—uncontrolled laughter that rolled through Vinnie’s body and stole his breath.
When Vinnie cried out between the uncontrolled peals of laughter, Jeff finally stopped and then grabbed Vinnie by the back of his neck. He went still. “Now, what am I going to do with you?” Jeff asked in an amused voice.
Vinnie lay, his back heaving as he tried to catch his breath and his skin slicked with sweat from his exertions. Without waiting for an answer, Jeff pulled Vinnie’s sleep pants down and off, tossing them toward the side of the bed before kicking Vinnie’s feet apart again. Jeff could pull out the rope and go for a long session of careful binding. He loved the slow build of working with rope, of getting each strand perfect and watching Vinnie slowly sink under the weight of his own submission. However, this morning he wanted something rough and hard.
“Stay,” Jeff ordered with a sharp slap on Vinnie’s bare ass. This was the hard part for Vinnie. With only his wrists tied, he could stand up, he could move around the room and twitch his ass. Jeff watched Vinnie’s fingers curl into tight fists as he fought with his own urges, but he was learning. Submitting meant yielding to your dominant, not teasing your dominant into doing what you wanted.
Jeff circled the bed and studied the form laid out on the bed. The white terry cloth tie held Vinnie’s wrists firmly, and his arms strained as he fought the bondage. However, he kept his body still, his legs splayed wantonly and his ass open for whatever Jeff might want.
“Beautiful.” Reaching out, Jeff ran a finger up Vinnie’s spine, and Vinnie gave a long, slow sigh, his muscles visibly relaxing under the touch.
Walking to the dresser, Jeff pulled out leather cuffs. For quick and dirty, they worked better than the variety of other tools laid out in the drawers. For years, Jeff had stored these tools away; he’d forced himself to ignore his nature in order to finish his undercover work. Now he was a starving man feasting on good meat.
Crouching down, Jeff wrapped the leather around Vinnie’s right ankle and quickly buckled it before pulling out the chain anchored to the bedframe. Snapping the chain to Vinnie’s cuff secured one ankle. But then Jeff stood.
With almost imperceptible movements, Vinnie shifted until the chain went taut. He wanted to feel the bonds. However, he also had to learn to let go of himself and his own plans. Vinnie had all these thoughts about what he thought he needed, and none of them worked out well. He’d chased all the wrong Doms, including chasing Jeff at a time when Jeff’s entire life had revolved around tracking down a criminal. Although to be fair, Dwayne had been doing the tracking, and Jeff had sat in the middle of the trap as bait. It took every bit of Jeff’s self-control to let himself be sidelines, but Dwayne Kaplan was one hell of an FBI agent, and Jeff had trusted him to close the case.
Now it was Vinnie’s turn to learn a little self-control. As much as he was improving, he still had trouble honestly submitting and following lead. Oh, tie him down so he couldn’t move an inch and he was happy as a clam at high tide. But physically submitting wouldn’t feed that need in Vinnie. He needed to learn to mentally submit.
Jeff brought down his hand on Vinnie’s exposed ass, cupping it so that it would sound loud, even if it was little more than a firm tap.
Gasping, Vinnie started to push himself up, and Jeff caught him by the back of the neck, holding on firmly as Vinnie slowly settled back down onto the bed. However, his legs remained open—his ass vulnerable.
For several minutes, Jeff prowled the room, watching. Vinnie raised himself up onto his toes, but then he settled back down. Jeff rewarded him with two more slaps, this time a little harder. However, he kept his hand cupped so the sound of flesh against flesh filled the room.
“Fuck, yes.” Vinnie sounded breathless. Now that Vinnie’s ass had a pink to it, Jeff laid five hard slaps down. This time he applied them flat handed so that Vinnie would feel the sting of them. On the fifth, Vinnie cried out, his one free leg jerking.
“What do you need?” Jeff asked.
Vinnie lay silent, gasping through his open mouth. His back was covered in a sheen of sweat, and Jeff could see the flesh around the wrist tie starting to turn white. He’d have to switch those out for cuffs soon, but right now, Jeff wanted the submission. He needed it. His own cock ached and pressed out against his boxers so that they tented obscenely. Iron control. He needed it to avoid just shoving himself in that hot and ready hole and rutting until he came. Hell, that’s exactly what Vinnie had asked for, but that’s not what they needed.
“What do you need?” Jeff asked again. Vinnie was all about telling everyone he met about how gay he was. The man started conversations with strangers in grocery store lines in order to share that. But he couldn’t ask for what he needed. He’d hint and pout and tease and sometimes even act out in outrageous ways, but he didn’t ask. Jeff would not allow that.
He brought down five hard slaps, hard enough that Vinnie howled and lost control of that one free leg. Using what little room he had, he rolled onto his side, his free leg curled up as if he was trying to protect himself. He wasn’t. One word and he could end this game, but Vinnie didn’t want to end it… he wanted to play by his rules.
Jeff didn’t share control.
Walking to the far side of the bed, Jeff slid his hand inside his boxers and wrapped his fingers around his cock. He ached with need. Ten years ago, he would have needed to excuse himself to go jerk off before he continued, but age had some advantages. Instead of losing control, he rode that honed edge of need.
Vinnie licked his lips, his free leg slowly uncurling. “I could—.”
“You could what?” Jeff asked after Vinnie fell silent for too long.
The brat persona practically snapped into place. “I could suck that,” he suggested with a leer.
Jeff didn’t even answer that piece of stupidity. He found that ignoring Vinnie’s bad behavior was the best remedy for it. Instead he started stroking his own cock with movements so slow they were a delectable torture.
Vinnie’s gaze followed him as he slowly moved back toward the end of the bed. Without being told, Vinnie rolled back to his stomach and put his free leg back where Jeff had placed it. He didn’t, however, make any other request.
Jeff pulled his hand out of his underwear and four times he brought his hand down on Vinnie’s ass with a sharp smack that left finger-sized lines running across Vinnie’s ass.
Vinnie swallowed his cry, nearly strangling on it, and Jeff leaned his hands against those two round globes, pressing against the hot flesh.
“Gag me,” Vinnie finally pleaded. “Please. I can’t… Oh shit. Yeah.” Vinnie’s words trailed off as Jeff rewarded his honesty with a massage of that abused flesh. Jeff knew the pain was still there, but he ran his thumbs over Vinnie’s sensitive hole, adding more pleasure to the mix.
“Good,” Jeff said approvingly. Vinnie was a crier… and a screamer and a curser and occasionally Jeff suspected that the man fell into speaking in tongues. He was vocal. However, the walls of their apartment were thin, and one awkward police visit was one too many. Jeff was just glad that Vinnie could ask for what he needed because if not… well, Jeff would rather have a second awkward visit than he would allow Vinnie to get away with not asking for the one thing he needed.
Heading back to the dresser, Jeff brought out a gag. It was a full one with a valve that allowed some air through the center holes, but only if the wearer blew softly. A scream would sent too much air through the hole and push the valve closed. Vinnie could try to scream, but the rubber of the full mouth piece would swallow that sound.
Vinnie opened his mouth immediately, and Jeff pushed the gag in and buckled it around the back of Vinnie’s head. Jeff let his fingers trail over the gag and then Vinnie’s cheek before he reached up to finger-comb that thick, shaggy hair that seemed to go in every direction at once. Vinnie blinked up at him, each movement sluggish, and Jeff could see him finally sinking under the weight of his own submission.
“Good boy. You look so beautiful all tied up for me, waiting for me, willing to just lie there because that’s what I want you to do. I need to come so back that my balls ache,” Jeff confessed. Vinnie blinked up at him. If his mouth were free, he’d be talking. But without that ability, he was fading fast. Some men had subspace, some faked it, and others wanted to be brutally and painfully aware for every whip stroke. But Vinnie’s subspace sometimes seemed to swallow him whole.
“I want to mark up this body.” Jeff ran his hands down Vinnie’s damp flank before he turned to get his favorite flogger. “When you dance tonight, every patron in that bar is going to see my marks criss-crossed across your flesh.
Vinnie’s nose widened as he breathed a little faster, but that sleepy look remained in his eyes. Jeff moved slightly to the side and started a gentle swing with the flogger. The soft leather slapped at Vinnie’s ass, touching that sensitive hole and curling around every curve. He ran his arm in figure-eight pattern, and with each downstroke, he brought more color into Vinnie’s cheeks. Lines began to appear, bright white lines where the leather contacted, and then those lines would fill with red, the blood rushing to the surface.
Jeff increased the tempo and the force, and now he could hear Vinnie’s muffled cries, but that one free leg remained in place, he left himself open to whatever his dominant wanted. Jeff reward that with four truly hard strokes that left a clear weave pattern in red whip marks across both cheeks.
Reversing the tool, he let the tip of the handle follow the marks. It followed up one long red track to the top of Vinnie’s ass and then down another to the crack where leg met thigh. Then he let the handle move up the crack of Vinnie’s ass. Vinnie’s body shivered, and Jeff smiled. His own cock was reaching a point of no-return where he wouldn’t be able to come if he didn’t get the show on too. He swung the flogger up and let it drape over his left shoulder.
Crouching down, he unhooked Vinnie’s ankle from the chain without removing the cuff, and then he untied his wrists. Vinnie had definitely lost himself to his own need because he didn’t try to get up or remove the gag. He lay with his arms at his sides, blinking up at Jeff.
“Come,” Jeff ordered as he collected a number of other tools of his trade.
Vinnie pushed up and followed Jeff out into the living room. Sitting on the couch, Jeff pointed to the floor between his feet. “Down.”
Vinnie sank to his knees, his hands fluttered uncertainly for a second before he tucked them behind his back. Reaching out, Jeff ran both his hands through Vinnie’s hair. When he did, Vinnie closed his eyes and rocked closer. After a few minutes, Jeff reached around and unbuckled the gag and pulled it out. The rubber had divots from Vinnie’s teeth.
“I want you to make me happy,” Jeff said. Vinnie looked up at him with those brown eyes that seemed to have an almost olive color at times and in the right light. Like now. With the light streaming in from the sheer curtains that covered their sliding glass doors, his gaze looked almost green. “Silently,” Jeff added. The minute Vinnie started talking, he would lose this peace he’d found.
Ducking his head in a truly submissive gesture, Vinnie ran his hands up Jeff’s bare legs, pushing the robe aside where it had fallen over one thigh. His hands paused at the underwear, and for a second, Vinnie traced the shape of Jeff’s cock through the fabric.
When Jeff lifted his hips, Vinnie followed the silent command and pulled the boxers down and off so that Jeff’s cock stood free. It was starting to purple and get sore to the touch, but when Vinnie leaned closer to place a tentative kiss on the tip, Jeff didn’t care about any of it. His chest ached with an overwhelming need to scoop Vinnie up and hold him close. Vinnie opened his mouth and slowly took Jeff’s cock in it, his hands resting on Jeff’s thighs.
“No teasing. Fast, Vinnie. Understood?”
With his mouth full of Jeff’s cock, Vinnie didn’t answer, but he pulled his head up and then eased down again, sucking so that his cheeks hollowed out. Jeff moaned, and Vinnie started sliding faster, up and down he bobbed. Jeff let his hand rest against Vinnie’s hair, and Vinnie reached down and grabbed the base of Jeff’s cock as he sucked harder.
Jeff clutched at the back of the couch before he lost control and did something like face fuck Vinnie so hard he lost his voice. It was tempting, though. When Vinnie came up and let his tongue swirl around the tip of Jeff’s cock, he came with a shout. His body sang with pleasure and tingles shot through every limb as Vinnie sucked him clean and then stopped.
With Jeff’s softening cock still in his mouth, Vinnie just stopped and looked up through those loose bangs. Jeff stroked the hair out of Vinnie’s eyes and studied him. If he let Vinnie come, Vinnie would start to recover, and the man had a frighteningly short refractory period. However, if he left Vinnie hard and needing, Vinnie could ride this edge all day.
Jeff calculated the number of groceries in the house and compared it to the look of peace and bewitching submission in those eyes. Decision made, he patted his lap. “Up here, your stomach on my lap,” he ordered.
For a second, Vinnie held position, but then he released Jeff’s cock and stood, lowering himself across Jeff’s lap.
“Hands behind your back.”
Vinnie didn’t hesitate, and Jeff fastened leather cuffs around each and hooked them to each other.
“Bend your knees up so I can reach your ankles.”
Again, there was no hesitation, only the sure movements of a submissive who understood the rules. He presented Jeff with his ankles, and Jeff fastened the second ankle cuff in place before clipping the ankles together and adding a short chain between them. It put Vinnie into a very nice hog tie. His body was artwork as it strained against the bonds, but it was perfection when it yielded perfectly. His hard and neglected cock pressed against Jeff’s leg, but his supple limbs relaxed and let the cuffs hold his weight as he submitted to Jeff’s will.
Jeff reached for the remote and turned the late-morning news on before he oiled a butt plug and started playing with it, teasing Vinnie with just the tip. Now this was his idea of a nice morning—he had a lap full of submissive deep in subspace and a willing ass to play with. Jeff settled in for a long morning of television and torture.
Okay, I need some advice. People who have NOT read Gathering Storm, does this make sense to you? I am struggling with that all-important question of backstory. How much do you provide? I've reworked this about three times, and I just need some new eyes.
My concerns include:
I have too little backstory in there so it's too confusing
I have too much backstory in there so it's too confusing
The characters rely too much on backstory and they don't stand on their own for a reader who is new to them.
Of course if you have read Gathering Storm, I would still love your help, too.
Jeff sipped at his coffee and read the paper. The story of Thompson’s crimes and his death had slipped to the back pages, which made him just as happy. Too many people knew Jeff had been involved in the investigation and intimately involved in the death. The water stopped running in the bathroom, and Jeff lowered the paper enough to watch Vinnie come out.
Sure enough, a few seconds later, Vinnie came stumbling down the short hall, his thick, dark hair standing up in messy clumps and his eyes not even half open. Sleep pants hung low on his hips, showing off the dusting of dark hair down his stomach, disappearing under his waistband. His stomach was just starting to show off a newly-developed six pack, the result of long workouts with Jeff.
Retirement gave Jeff entirely too much time to devise new workouts--long runs in the mountains surrounding their Maryland home, bike rides through forest trails, heavy hours lifting weights in the largely ignored apartment complex workout room. Jeff would feel guilty about pushing Vinnie so hard, but Vinnie did seem to enjoy being pushed.
"Coffee," Vinnie muttered as he shuffled past the table, his eyes mere slits. "My brain does not start without either sex or coffee. Or both. Both works." Years in the Army had taught Jeff to keep a straight face. It was hard being an officer if you cracked a smile at the drunken antics of privates on leave. However, he still felt the corner of his mouth twitch. There was something about Vinnie that simply amused him.
"Someone didn't wake me up," Vinnie complained as he came back out of the kitchen, his hands cradling a cup of steaming coffee turned gray with milk.
"Do you think I should have tied you to the bed when you were still asleep and then woke you with a spanking and a hard fuck?" Jeff asked mildly as he reached for his own cup. He'd done that several times. He suspected that Vinnie had faked sleep in order to encourage Jeff to use his body. Vinnie did like being used.
"Well... yeah. It's kinda hot," Vinnie agreed. "Feel free to wake me up that way any time you want." He pulled out the second chair at their tiny table and sat.
Jeff grunted. If he did that every day, or even every other day, it would lose the appeal quickly. Half of keeping Vinnie amused involved finding new ways to use and abuse that beautiful body. And Jeff didn’t plan to disappoint. When he set out to complete a mission, he did have a reputation for being rather single minded in pursuit of his goals.
"Or not. I'm not trying to top from the bottom here," Vinnie quickly added.
"Yes you are," Jeff pointed out. "You wouldn't be Vinnie if you weren't."
That got a quick duck of the head and a glance of dark eyes from behind shaggy bangs. Jeff simply gazed back until Vinnie lifted his head. "Okay, maybe I am." With a put-upon sigh he set the cup down and gave Jeff a searching look. "Not being able to manipulate you... it's equal parts really hot and totally annoying."
Jeff folded his newspaper and looked at Vinnie.
"Definitely no manipulating the great Charleston," Vinnie said with a laugh, but then he cringed at his own slip. "Kalb. Jeff Kalb. Crap." Vinnie ran a hand over his face. "I do know your name. Honestly I do. I’m just not awake, and I got used to thinking of you as Charleston. You have to admit Joshua Sawyer Charleston is a name that sticks in someone’s memory."
“And it’s not my name,” Kalb pointed out. The name and his life teaching in a military academy were both part of a cover FBI agent Dwayne Kaplan had created. One little joke about the name Dwayne, and the jerk had stuck Kalb with the name Joshua Sawyer Charleston. It sounded like some slave owner from the eighteen-hundreds, a man who drank mint juleps and smoked cigars, or something equally ridiculous.
“I know. That’s what I’m trying to get used to. Kalb. Jeff Kalb. Private Citizen Jeff Kalb.” Frowning, Vinnie ran his fingers over the edge of his coffee cup. “Seriously, it feels weird that I keep calling my lover the wrong name.”
Private Citizen. Those words cut into Jeff’s guts. At least he’d gotten his honorable discharge. Putting his life on the line to try and bring down a sadist hiding in the military had earned him some respect somewhere up the line. Unfortunately, that hadn't been enough to save his military career from charges that he was a sexual sadist, especially since the charges were true.
“Seriously, it’s a little ironic that they kicked you out for being gay weeks before the law changed," Vinnie pointed out, but he sounded more pensive than angry about it. Standing up, he took his coffee and leaned against the wall to the kitchen, his body not able to sit still now that he was staring to wake up.
Vinnie had changed so much in a couple of months. He still had the dark eyes and a certain habit of ducking his head and looking up through his lashes that made him look about as fuckable as any man alive. However, that surface now hid something more serious. Not that Vinnie had ever been as shallow as he liked to pretend. He'd been raised with a silver spoon, but he walked away from his father's money and his father's rules to live as an unapologetically gay man. That took balls.
“They would have kicked me out anyway,” Kalb pointed out. “Don’t ask don’t tell never covered my situation.”
Vinnie scratched low on his side. One of Jeff's whips had curled around and left a little mark there, and Vinnie had developed the habit of fingering the mark.
"Is this more of that crap about appearances?" Vinnie demanded. "Because your appearance is that of a man who is all in charge all the time. I'm guessing you were a good officer, and if you're gay in private, that's none of their business."
Kalb raised his eyebrows. They'd had this conversation before, so Kalb knew that Vinnie understood his position. Vinnie had an infinite ability to ignore anything he didn't agree with. Kalb had never before met a man who could match him, stubborn for stubborn.
"They should rehire you, not that I'm encouraging you to go back into the service because I'm used to having your full attention now and I would suck as an Army wife. Seriously, though, they are nuts for not wanting you as an officer."
Kalb didn't argue. Arguing with Vinnie was a little like trying to argue with a waterfall... it just kept right on going without paying much attention to what you did or said.
The fact was that any command Kalb walked into would be a disaster. Now that the story of Thompson and the underground BDSM clubs where Jeff had met the psycho had gone public, everyone would know two things. Jeff had helped bring the asshole down and Jeff only knew about him because they both went to the same clubs when in search of sexual partners who enjoyed a little pain.
The men would look at him and see a gay dominant, a man who enjoyed a little sadism--who reveled in the sight of Vinnie tied tightly to the bed as he squirmed under the lash and made that little strangled squawking noise that meant he'd promise anything in return for permission to come. There wasn't anything quite as sensual as the sight of whip marks criss-crossing white against Vinnie's reddened back. As much as Kalb loved all that in his private life, he understood that the military couldn't put him in a position of authority, not when the men would see him as a kinky sadist first, and an officer second.
"You're never going to see my side of this, are you?" Vinnie asked after several minutes of silence.
"Nope," Kalb agreed.
Vinnie shrugged and then wandered into their small living room. He settled down on the arm of one of the chairs, looking out the sliding glass door at the forests behind the apartment complex. "What are we doing today? I mean, should I be putting on workout clothes or are we hitting the grocery store?"
Kalb delayed by taking a drink of his coffee. Some days he wondered if Vinnie was trying to provoke his more dominate qualities by offering up power like this. While Jeff had played hard in the past, even forcing his subs to call him “master” when the need for that power exchange was greater than rope could satisfy. However, he had never had a partner who turned over daily choices this way. Jeff wasn't even sure it was healthy, but then he wasn't exactly the expert on that. He only knew that he did enjoy the feeling of holding that metaphorical leash that could pull Vinnie close enough to keep him safe and make him squirm in need.
"What do you want to do?" Jeff asked, studying Vinnie for a reaction. Would he be disappointed that Kalb didn't take more power? Vinnie's dynamic was so obviously submissive... he wanted someone to take control and love and praise him. He'd probably adore puppy play if he got past the embarrassment of it. However, Vinnie's bratty side came out so often because there was some part of him that wanted more control.
"Is this one of those trick questions where whatever I say you do the opposite to prove that you get to make the final decision because you're the big, bad dom?" Vinnie asked.
"I'll take your preferences in mind, but I don't promise we'll do what you want."
Vinnie seemed to relax. "Okay," he said slowly. "What if I wanted to spend the day tied to the bed while you used me over and over? Well, at least until I have to go to work."
Vinnie was clearly a little too optimistic about how often a man on the north side of forty could come; however, Jeff had to admit that it was a tempting. However, giving Vinnie what he wanted rarely gave Vinnie what he needed. "If you're tied to a bed, who is having to put in all the effort?"
Vinnie ducked his head, his hair falling in front of his eyes like a veil.
“I have another idea.” Jeff believed in actions more than words. Getting up, he stalked toward Vinnie, stretching his neck from side to side as he thought about how much he was going to enjoy this. Vinnie quickly abandoned the chair and backed up, his pupils growing larger as he watched Jeff. Now he was quiet.
Jeff kept moving forward into Vinnie’s personal space, closer and closer until he pressed his body up against Vinnie’s. Once Jeff used his hip to physically pin Vinnie up against the wall, Vinnie’s hands came up, fingers clutching at Jeff’s shoulders. Catching Vinnie’s wrists, Jeff pinned them against the wall and gave Vinnie a wolfish grin. “I have a very good idea,” he said before he leaned in for a hard, demanding kiss. He could feel Vinnie squirm, but Jeff just leaned more of his weight into him.
Jeff had years of training, first as a recruit, then as an MP and finally as special forces specializing in infiltration and counter-insurgency. Vinnie might have youth on his side, but he couldn’t match Jeff for sheer physicality. Without letting go of Vinnie’s wrists, Jeff essentially manhandled him around, putting Vinnie’s face to the wall.
The helplessness was enough to make Vinnie pant, his breath coming with that little hitch that he got when he would promise a month of cleaning toilets in return for the right to come. He was so very beautifully submissive. Jeff brought both Vinnie’s hands down to the small of his back and pinned them there while he used one hand to pull his robe tie free. While Vinnie would stand still and let Jeff tie him, forcing him was so much more enjoyable—for both of them.
Once he had firmly tied Vinnie’s wrists, Jeff leaned close. He could smell Vinnie’s shampoo and feel the heat pouring off his back. His lips no more than an inch from Vinnie’s ear, he whispered, “Tell me what you want.”
“To come,” Vinnie blurted out. He knew that Jeff wouldn’t give him that… not for a long time. But still, he felt the need to ask for the very boon he knew his lover wouldn’t grant. Jeff smiled and let his hand slide over Vinnie’s bare flank and then inside those loose sleep pants. He teased Vinnie briefly, skimming fingertips over the nest of hair before he finally reached down for that hard, needy dick.
“No,” Jeff whispered in Vinnie’s ear. That earned him a low groan of need. Jeff wasn’t surprised given the hardness of Vinnie’s cock.
Taking a firm hold of Vinnie’s arm and shoulder, Jeff marched him back toward the bedroom. He took Vinnie to the end of their bed. It was taller than a standard bed—just like Jeff preferred. One good shove, and he put Vinnie face down in the middle of the mattress and then kicked his feet apart so that Vinnie lay half-on, half-off the bed.
Jeff took the opportunity to run his hands over that expanse of warm skin. He’d dominated any number of partners in his life… whipped them… fucked them. But the simple act of running his hands over a lover’s bare arms and then down to the vulnerable sides… that was new. Never before had he known another’s body so intimately.
He ghosted his fingertips over the sensitive flesh just above Vinnie’s hip bones until Vinnie squirmed and laughed and twitched helplessly in an attempt to protect himself. “Please,” Vinnie gasped out, but Jeff pressed against Vinnie’s ass, pinning more firmly to the bed as he kept tickling. Never before had Jeff ever feasted on a submissive the way he had with Vinnie. Sometimes he felt like a glutton wolfing down a meal because it tasted so good he simply couldn’t stop. Vinnie writhed, his legs kicking out helplessly. The laughter came now—uncontrolled laughter that rolled through Vinnie’s body and stole his breath.
When Vinnie cried out between the uncontrolled peals of laughter, Jeff finally stopped and then grabbed Vinnie by the back of his neck. He went still. “Now, what am I going to do with you?” Jeff asked in an amused voice.
Vinnie lay, his back heaving as he tried to catch his breath and his skin slicked with sweat from his exertions. Without waiting for an answer, Jeff pulled Vinnie’s sleep pants down and off, tossing them toward the side of the bed before kicking Vinnie’s feet apart again. Jeff could pull out the rope and go for a long session of careful binding. He loved the slow build of working with rope, of getting each strand perfect and watching Vinnie slowly sink under the weight of his own submission. However, this morning he wanted something rough and hard.
“Stay,” Jeff ordered with a sharp slap on Vinnie’s bare ass. This was the hard part for Vinnie. With only his wrists tied, he could stand up, he could move around the room and twitch his ass. Jeff watched Vinnie’s fingers curl into tight fists as he fought with his own urges, but he was learning. Submitting meant yielding to your dominant, not teasing your dominant into doing what you wanted.
Jeff circled the bed and studied the form laid out on the bed. The white terry cloth tie held Vinnie’s wrists firmly, and his arms strained as he fought the bondage. However, he kept his body still, his legs splayed wantonly and his ass open for whatever Jeff might want.
“Beautiful.” Reaching out, Jeff ran a finger up Vinnie’s spine, and Vinnie gave a long, slow sigh, his muscles visibly relaxing under the touch.
Walking to the dresser, Jeff pulled out leather cuffs. For quick and dirty, they worked better than the variety of other tools laid out in the drawers. For years, Jeff had stored these tools away; he’d forced himself to ignore his nature in order to finish his undercover work. Now he was a starving man feasting on good meat.
Crouching down, Jeff wrapped the leather around Vinnie’s right ankle and quickly buckled it before pulling out the chain anchored to the bedframe. Snapping the chain to Vinnie’s cuff secured one ankle. But then Jeff stood.
With almost imperceptible movements, Vinnie shifted until the chain went taut. He wanted to feel the bonds. However, he also had to learn to let go of himself and his own plans. Vinnie had all these thoughts about what he thought he needed, and none of them worked out well. He’d chased all the wrong Doms, including chasing Jeff at a time when Jeff’s entire life had revolved around tracking down a criminal. Although to be fair, Dwayne had been doing the tracking, and Jeff had sat in the middle of the trap as bait. It took every bit of Jeff’s self-control to let himself be sidelines, but Dwayne Kaplan was one hell of an FBI agent, and Jeff had trusted him to close the case.
Now it was Vinnie’s turn to learn a little self-control. As much as he was improving, he still had trouble honestly submitting and following lead. Oh, tie him down so he couldn’t move an inch and he was happy as a clam at high tide. But physically submitting wouldn’t feed that need in Vinnie. He needed to learn to mentally submit.
Jeff brought down his hand on Vinnie’s exposed ass, cupping it so that it would sound loud, even if it was little more than a firm tap.
Gasping, Vinnie started to push himself up, and Jeff caught him by the back of the neck, holding on firmly as Vinnie slowly settled back down onto the bed. However, his legs remained open—his ass vulnerable.
For several minutes, Jeff prowled the room, watching. Vinnie raised himself up onto his toes, but then he settled back down. Jeff rewarded him with two more slaps, this time a little harder. However, he kept his hand cupped so the sound of flesh against flesh filled the room.
“Fuck, yes.” Vinnie sounded breathless. Now that Vinnie’s ass had a pink to it, Jeff laid five hard slaps down. This time he applied them flat handed so that Vinnie would feel the sting of them. On the fifth, Vinnie cried out, his one free leg jerking.
“What do you need?” Jeff asked.
Vinnie lay silent, gasping through his open mouth. His back was covered in a sheen of sweat, and Jeff could see the flesh around the wrist tie starting to turn white. He’d have to switch those out for cuffs soon, but right now, Jeff wanted the submission. He needed it. His own cock ached and pressed out against his boxers so that they tented obscenely. Iron control. He needed it to avoid just shoving himself in that hot and ready hole and rutting until he came. Hell, that’s exactly what Vinnie had asked for, but that’s not what they needed.
“What do you need?” Jeff asked again. Vinnie was all about telling everyone he met about how gay he was. The man started conversations with strangers in grocery store lines in order to share that. But he couldn’t ask for what he needed. He’d hint and pout and tease and sometimes even act out in outrageous ways, but he didn’t ask. Jeff would not allow that.
He brought down five hard slaps, hard enough that Vinnie howled and lost control of that one free leg. Using what little room he had, he rolled onto his side, his free leg curled up as if he was trying to protect himself. He wasn’t. One word and he could end this game, but Vinnie didn’t want to end it… he wanted to play by his rules.
Jeff didn’t share control.
Walking to the far side of the bed, Jeff slid his hand inside his boxers and wrapped his fingers around his cock. He ached with need. Ten years ago, he would have needed to excuse himself to go jerk off before he continued, but age had some advantages. Instead of losing control, he rode that honed edge of need.
Vinnie licked his lips, his free leg slowly uncurling. “I could—.”
“You could what?” Jeff asked after Vinnie fell silent for too long.
The brat persona practically snapped into place. “I could suck that,” he suggested with a leer.
Jeff didn’t even answer that piece of stupidity. He found that ignoring Vinnie’s bad behavior was the best remedy for it. Instead he started stroking his own cock with movements so slow they were a delectable torture.
Vinnie’s gaze followed him as he slowly moved back toward the end of the bed. Without being told, Vinnie rolled back to his stomach and put his free leg back where Jeff had placed it. He didn’t, however, make any other request.
Jeff pulled his hand out of his underwear and four times he brought his hand down on Vinnie’s ass with a sharp smack that left finger-sized lines running across Vinnie’s ass.
Vinnie swallowed his cry, nearly strangling on it, and Jeff leaned his hands against those two round globes, pressing against the hot flesh.
“Gag me,” Vinnie finally pleaded. “Please. I can’t… Oh shit. Yeah.” Vinnie’s words trailed off as Jeff rewarded his honesty with a massage of that abused flesh. Jeff knew the pain was still there, but he ran his thumbs over Vinnie’s sensitive hole, adding more pleasure to the mix.
“Good,” Jeff said approvingly. Vinnie was a crier… and a screamer and a curser and occasionally Jeff suspected that the man fell into speaking in tongues. He was vocal. However, the walls of their apartment were thin, and one awkward police visit was one too many. Jeff was just glad that Vinnie could ask for what he needed because if not… well, Jeff would rather have a second awkward visit than he would allow Vinnie to get away with not asking for the one thing he needed.
Heading back to the dresser, Jeff brought out a gag. It was a full one with a valve that allowed some air through the center holes, but only if the wearer blew softly. A scream would sent too much air through the hole and push the valve closed. Vinnie could try to scream, but the rubber of the full mouth piece would swallow that sound.
Vinnie opened his mouth immediately, and Jeff pushed the gag in and buckled it around the back of Vinnie’s head. Jeff let his fingers trail over the gag and then Vinnie’s cheek before he reached up to finger-comb that thick, shaggy hair that seemed to go in every direction at once. Vinnie blinked up at him, each movement sluggish, and Jeff could see him finally sinking under the weight of his own submission.
“Good boy. You look so beautiful all tied up for me, waiting for me, willing to just lie there because that’s what I want you to do. I need to come so back that my balls ache,” Jeff confessed. Vinnie blinked up at him. If his mouth were free, he’d be talking. But without that ability, he was fading fast. Some men had subspace, some faked it, and others wanted to be brutally and painfully aware for every whip stroke. But Vinnie’s subspace sometimes seemed to swallow him whole.
“I want to mark up this body.” Jeff ran his hands down Vinnie’s damp flank before he turned to get his favorite flogger. “When you dance tonight, every patron in that bar is going to see my marks criss-crossed across your flesh.
Vinnie’s nose widened as he breathed a little faster, but that sleepy look remained in his eyes. Jeff moved slightly to the side and started a gentle swing with the flogger. The soft leather slapped at Vinnie’s ass, touching that sensitive hole and curling around every curve. He ran his arm in figure-eight pattern, and with each downstroke, he brought more color into Vinnie’s cheeks. Lines began to appear, bright white lines where the leather contacted, and then those lines would fill with red, the blood rushing to the surface.
Jeff increased the tempo and the force, and now he could hear Vinnie’s muffled cries, but that one free leg remained in place, he left himself open to whatever his dominant wanted. Jeff reward that with four truly hard strokes that left a clear weave pattern in red whip marks across both cheeks.
Reversing the tool, he let the tip of the handle follow the marks. It followed up one long red track to the top of Vinnie’s ass and then down another to the crack where leg met thigh. Then he let the handle move up the crack of Vinnie’s ass. Vinnie’s body shivered, and Jeff smiled. His own cock was reaching a point of no-return where he wouldn’t be able to come if he didn’t get the show on too. He swung the flogger up and let it drape over his left shoulder.
Crouching down, he unhooked Vinnie’s ankle from the chain without removing the cuff, and then he untied his wrists. Vinnie had definitely lost himself to his own need because he didn’t try to get up or remove the gag. He lay with his arms at his sides, blinking up at Jeff.
“Come,” Jeff ordered as he collected a number of other tools of his trade.
Vinnie pushed up and followed Jeff out into the living room. Sitting on the couch, Jeff pointed to the floor between his feet. “Down.”
Vinnie sank to his knees, his hands fluttered uncertainly for a second before he tucked them behind his back. Reaching out, Jeff ran both his hands through Vinnie’s hair. When he did, Vinnie closed his eyes and rocked closer. After a few minutes, Jeff reached around and unbuckled the gag and pulled it out. The rubber had divots from Vinnie’s teeth.
“I want you to make me happy,” Jeff said. Vinnie looked up at him with those brown eyes that seemed to have an almost olive color at times and in the right light. Like now. With the light streaming in from the sheer curtains that covered their sliding glass doors, his gaze looked almost green. “Silently,” Jeff added. The minute Vinnie started talking, he would lose this peace he’d found.
Ducking his head in a truly submissive gesture, Vinnie ran his hands up Jeff’s bare legs, pushing the robe aside where it had fallen over one thigh. His hands paused at the underwear, and for a second, Vinnie traced the shape of Jeff’s cock through the fabric.
When Jeff lifted his hips, Vinnie followed the silent command and pulled the boxers down and off so that Jeff’s cock stood free. It was starting to purple and get sore to the touch, but when Vinnie leaned closer to place a tentative kiss on the tip, Jeff didn’t care about any of it. His chest ached with an overwhelming need to scoop Vinnie up and hold him close. Vinnie opened his mouth and slowly took Jeff’s cock in it, his hands resting on Jeff’s thighs.
“No teasing. Fast, Vinnie. Understood?”
With his mouth full of Jeff’s cock, Vinnie didn’t answer, but he pulled his head up and then eased down again, sucking so that his cheeks hollowed out. Jeff moaned, and Vinnie started sliding faster, up and down he bobbed. Jeff let his hand rest against Vinnie’s hair, and Vinnie reached down and grabbed the base of Jeff’s cock as he sucked harder.
Jeff clutched at the back of the couch before he lost control and did something like face fuck Vinnie so hard he lost his voice. It was tempting, though. When Vinnie came up and let his tongue swirl around the tip of Jeff’s cock, he came with a shout. His body sang with pleasure and tingles shot through every limb as Vinnie sucked him clean and then stopped.
With Jeff’s softening cock still in his mouth, Vinnie just stopped and looked up through those loose bangs. Jeff stroked the hair out of Vinnie’s eyes and studied him. If he let Vinnie come, Vinnie would start to recover, and the man had a frighteningly short refractory period. However, if he left Vinnie hard and needing, Vinnie could ride this edge all day.
Jeff calculated the number of groceries in the house and compared it to the look of peace and bewitching submission in those eyes. Decision made, he patted his lap. “Up here, your stomach on my lap,” he ordered.
For a second, Vinnie held position, but then he released Jeff’s cock and stood, lowering himself across Jeff’s lap.
“Hands behind your back.”
Vinnie didn’t hesitate, and Jeff fastened leather cuffs around each and hooked them to each other.
“Bend your knees up so I can reach your ankles.”
Again, there was no hesitation, only the sure movements of a submissive who understood the rules. He presented Jeff with his ankles, and Jeff fastened the second ankle cuff in place before clipping the ankles together and adding a short chain between them. It put Vinnie into a very nice hog tie. His body was artwork as it strained against the bonds, but it was perfection when it yielded perfectly. His hard and neglected cock pressed against Jeff’s leg, but his supple limbs relaxed and let the cuffs hold his weight as he submitted to Jeff’s will.
Jeff reached for the remote and turned the late-morning news on before he oiled a butt plug and started playing with it, teasing Vinnie with just the tip. Now this was his idea of a nice morning—he had a lap full of submissive deep in subspace and a willing ass to play with. Jeff settled in for a long morning of television and torture.
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no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 07:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 08:04 pm (UTC)... In essence, if the big storyline in the series demands full knowledge of the first book; then yes then you should put in more information about it. If not... the hints you've given should be enough to make the reader want to buy the first one.. and thats it.
... And even if those that reads the book do not fully get the characters at first... you are brilliant enough as an author that the character development that you hint to here (and probably throughout the story) is enough for them to still be intrigued by them and the plot (... hint to... SHOW I mean...). ... just make sure the buyer is aware that this is the second book in a series with the way you write the summary on the book so that its not a 'surprise'... At 'worst' you could give a very brief summary (one thats like 'Vinnie gets in trouble with the case Jeff is working on and ... well - without revealing anything that ruins the first one that is) at the start of the book. ... But then I dislike stories where they dedicate a lot of the first chapter to 'go over' what happened in an earlier story... So too much backstory might ruin the first book for new readers while this one could make them intrigued. (kinda want to reread the first one now).
... Thats my opinion at least. :)
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Date: 2012-11-04 08:10 pm (UTC)... but then you ARE a favo author of mine so... :P
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Date: 2012-11-05 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 07:44 pm (UTC)There isn't a lot of backstory here but there is hope that we will learn more about these wonderful characters before the fic is ended.
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Date: 2012-11-05 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 01:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 08:23 pm (UTC)You know, you did it again here!! Caught your reader, I mean. YAY for you!
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Date: 2012-11-05 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-04 10:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-05 12:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-06 07:21 am (UTC)Zaz
no subject
Date: 2012-11-06 01:35 pm (UTC)