Hello! First off, I love the story set up here, and the setting and stuff. Only towards the end here, I got a little bothered by Stunt being too much Sandburg, know what I mean? Starting with the very Sandburg line, "Oh no. Do not blame me if you get some wild hair and feel like getting into more bondage. This is all about you and your dysfunction." Probably I wouldn't have thought of it if it was another author, but there you go.
You've got witty, likeable, intriguing and, yes, hot characters here, and handcuffs as a bonus ;) and mystery and villains. For me though, there's an issue which detracts from the story: that there's too much sarcastic wittiness and bantering, too much back-and-forth. It gets a little repetitive and is slowing down the story where it shouldn't. The exchanges would be more effective if there was one less reply all the time. It's like when putting on jewelry for a night no the town - put on the things you want, then remove at least one item. Also, it's hard to believe Stunt is terrified when he goes on like that, and likewise Mr Gun quickly loses his desperado vibe. I get that some people will babble under stress, and if someone had a gun to me I'd have no trouble remaining terrified however they talked. I guess it's just harder to make it work in writing... Okay, seems like I'm all about the complaints, but I do really like the story, promise! :)
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Date: 2011-08-29 01:26 pm (UTC)You've got witty, likeable, intriguing and, yes, hot characters here, and handcuffs as a bonus ;) and mystery and villains.
For me though, there's an issue which detracts from the story: that there's too much sarcastic wittiness and bantering, too much back-and-forth.
It gets a little repetitive and is slowing down the story where it shouldn't. The exchanges would be more effective if there was one less reply all the time. It's like when putting on jewelry for a night no the town - put on the things you want, then remove at least one item.
Also, it's hard to believe Stunt is terrified when he goes on like that, and likewise Mr Gun quickly loses his desperado vibe. I get that some people will babble under stress, and if someone had a gun to me I'd have no trouble remaining terrified however they talked. I guess it's just harder to make it work in writing...
Okay, seems like I'm all about the complaints, but I do really like the story, promise! :)