The Cost of Butterfly Kisses

[lit_gal]

The Cost of Butterfly Kisses, Part 16

Fandom/Pairing: BtVS, Spike/Xander


Rated: TEEN (we're still in the manipulation stages here)
Summary: Spike wants to be the one who is there for Buffy, but life has never been that kind to him..

Buffy season six is just not all that fun to play with.  It's dark and full of pain and good intentions and not-so-good consequences.  After the events of "Normal Again," Xander has an epiphany that fits right in with this season.  It's dark and full of pain and all his good intentions are going to lead to maybe not-so-good consequences.  And when a soulless vampire can see that, you know it's not good.   

(Chapter One... )  ( Chapter Two... )  ( Chapter Three... ) ( Chapter Four... ) ( Chapter Five )   ( Chapter Six )   ( Chapter 7 )  ( Chapter 8 )  ( Chapter Nine )  ( Chapter Ten )   ( Chapter Eleven )  ( Chapter Twelve ) ( Chapter Thirteen ) ( Chapter 14 . ) ( Chapter 15 )

Chapter Sixteen

Spike struggled to not show his gameface as Buffy sat on the bottom step of the basement trying to explain why she'd tied up her friends and tried to feed them to a demon. Actually, she mostly seemed to be explaining to Anya since Buffy had already told the others about the demon who had infected her with the delusion that her whole life was part of a hallucination that she needed to kill.

Bloody fucking martyr. Everything had to be about her, that was for bloody sure. All this because she wanted to pretend that none of them mattered. That he didn't matter. That Dawn hadn't ever existed. All this because she wanted to imagine that she meant it when she told him they were done. He'd been through that song and dance once already, and he hadn't bloody liked it the first time around.

Actually, he'd been through it twice. Angelus and Drusilla had both treated him like he was a soddin' chess piece to move around. "Oh boyo, it's just us men tonight," Angelus would promise with that idiotic smile of his. Yeah, until Angelus felt like fucking Dru right in front of him and calling him weak.

William had followed Angelus around like a fucking puppy, and when Angelus had finally given in and pushed William over a table and fucked him raw... well William thought that meant something. He thought he'd earned the keys to the fucking kingdom and that he would finally be part of the clan. Instead, Angelus had pretended it never happened. William had sat with drying semen and blood streaked across his legs, and Angelus pretended that none of them could smell it. Darla had just smirked, and all William's stupid, silly confidence had just vanished. And Drusilla. As much as he bloody loved her still, he hated her. She would push him one way or another just so she could pretend he was her precious Daddy. He lived for the days when she looked at him and saw him, but there were too damn many days when her eyes would glaze over and she'd imagine Angelus' hands holding her down.

It was ironic that the gits in the Watchers called him one-quarter of the Scourge of Europe because he'd never been anything more than their fucking toy. And now, Queen Buffy was tending her court, apologizing for just about feeding her little minions to a demon, and she couldn’t even spare him a look. When he stood too near, he could still smell her desire, and she wouldn't even fucking look at him. Spike bit the inside of his lip hard enough to taste blood.

"Spike's right," Anya said. That distracted Spike from his inner monolog. "You're making this all about you. You did not imagine me. I was alive and cursing men's genitals before you were even born." Anya crossed her arms and glared at Buffy. "And if you call me over to ambush me again, I will find a way to make you pay." Coming from a bint like Anya, Spike would suggest Buffy take that threat seriously. Instead she just rested her elbows on her knees and hung her head.

"Hey, how about we all play nice here? I mean, it's not exactly Buffy's fault what with the demon venom," Willow hurried to say. "So maybe we should all go find some aspirin and ice packs and x-rays." Willow said the last with a look over toward Xander.

His eyes were still a little unfocused, and Spike was guessing he had a good concussion going. Getting clocked by a slayer was tough, even on a vampire, so the puppy boy's head was no match for a frying pan swung by an insane Buffy. Spike shifted uncomfortably. Xander was hers to do with what she wanted, and if she wanted to gut him and hang him out for some demon, that shouldn't bloody matter to him. The problem was the git spent so much time submitting to Spike and hiding things from Buffy that Spike was having trouble remembering exactly whose minion he was. If he were a proper vampire minion, Spike would stake him just for making things uncomfortable by blurring the lines of ownership.

Anya looked down at the demon. "Wait. This is the demon you killed?" She sounded pretty brassed-off about that.

"He tried to kill us first," Xander pointed out. Anya gave him a withering glare.

"He's Glarghk gu'ul kashma'nikt, innit he?" Spike asked from his spot at the top of the stairs.

Anya gave him a look that, once upon a time, he would have disemboweled her over. Soddin' chip. "Which means he isn't predatory. Glarghk gu'ul kashma'nikt are reality demons. Some people say that D'Hoffryn is half Glarghk gu'ul kashma'nikt."

"Vengeance demons are part Glargy gull Kashmir?" Xander looked from the demon to Anya like he was trying to see a family resemblance.

"No, you idiot. Anyone who can impress D'Hoffryn can become a vengeance demon. D'Hoffryn is just part Glarghk gu'ul kashma'nikt." Anya gave a very unladylike snort. "I don't have time to explain this to people who are clearly incapable of understanding. And I'm losing money." With that she headed for the stairs. Spike leaned to one side to let her out.

Xander groaned. "This whole conversation is giving me a headache."

"That's probably the frying pan lump," Willow said. She reached up and touched his head where Spike could see swelling from the far side of the room. When Buffy decided to cure her delusions by killing all of them, she'd done a bang up job of getting started.

"I'm so sorry," Buffy repeated for the tenth time.

"Hey, none of this is your fault." Willow glared at everyone in the room, making sure that they all knew the script she expected them to follow. Right then, time to pretend that Queen Buffy could do no wrong. She sure as hell wouldn't be knocking boots with him, would she now? Irony of it was that puppy boy and Tara both knew about him and Buffy. Willow was so caught up in her own drama that he doubted she cared, and Dawn.... Spike watched as Dawn hovered near the far wall like a wounded beast. He liked to think she wouldn't mind. Spike wasn't even sure who Buffy wanted to hide from anymore.

"Hey, I know you would never say that about me," Dawn said, her voice shaky. "Not without something being really wrong."

Buffy looked up. "I really wouldn't. You know I love you," Buffy told her. She held out her hands and Dawn nearly threw herself at Buffy, allowing herself to be pulled into a tight hug. Spike looked away. He bloody loved the Bit, so it hurt to feel so fucking jealous of her.

"Are you okay?" Willow asked Tara softly.

Tara nodded. She was pale, but then she'd thrown a lot of power around. Spike could still feel her magic like spiders over his skin. Willow inched closer to her, desire rising from her like a mist.

"Right then. I'm off." Spike stood up to leave.

"Spike, wait!" Xander sort of stumbled forward before he got his legs coordinated enough to cross the basement. "The sun's up."

Spike shrugged. "Got a blanket, don't I?"

"Oh." Xander looked dazed, but that was probably the concussion. "I should... you know..." Xander just fell silent. The man was crap at hiding things. It was a wonder that the others hadn't found Bonnie yet, but Spike figured they weren't actually paying much attention to Xander.

"Come on, then," Spike said, rescuing the puppy from his own idiocy. Xander hurried up the stairs, and Spike headed out into the main house.

"Thank you for coming to the rescue," Xander said once they reached the kitchen.

Spike grabbed his blanket off the floor where he'd dropped it. "Didn't actually rescue anyone, mate."

"No, but you showed up when I called, and considering the big ball of light in the sky, that means a lot, Spike."

Spike snorted. He'd been too bloody late to do much more than sit on the sidelines while Buffy ignored him.

"So, sewers or car?" Xander asked cheerfully, and the boy never did cheerful when talking about the sewers. Spike'd never seen anyone who complained about a little shite as much as Xander.

Spike stopped and really looked at puppy-boy. "What are you hiding?"

"Me?" Xander blinked, all exaggerated innocence and big brown eyes.

"Yes, you. I'm not in a mood for games, so just spit it out," Spike warned with a glare.

"Oh... it's not bad. I just...." Xander sighed. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

Spike just stared at Xander, not sure what the hell he was supposed to think about that. He assumed they'd gotten past surprise gifts like a sudden stake to the heart, but he wasn't entirely sure. Sometimes Xander was remarkably hard to understand. Instead of explain, Xander held up a finger. "Wait here," he said before he darted out the back door. Swearing, Spike leapt backwards to avoid a stray sunbeam.

He didn't have long to wait before a white panel van pulled up. Xander jumped out of the driver's side and opened the back doors. Spike could see a heavy curtain hiding whatever he had in the van. With a huge smile, Xander waved.

"Come on!" he called with excitement in his voice. Reaching in, Xander pulled the curtain aside to show an empty van. Spike looked at the distance, and he could feel something suspiciously similar to fear in his guts. If he ran for the van, that took him in the opposite direction of any shade. All Xander had to do was block his way, and he'd be dust before he could even protest.

"Any day now, Spike." Xander's excitement was turning to frustration now. The boy had no patience, but Spike pulled the blanket up over his head, braced himself and ran for the van. His skin was smoking, and he could feel the heat soaking into him by the time he leaped into the back of the van. The heavy thud of a slamming door followed, and Spike threw the blanket off, pounding at his own body to put out the fire he could feel threaten to eat his flesh. After a second, he realized that he was only smoking, and he sank down onto an uncomfortable bench bolted to the side of the van.

"So, what do you think?" Xander stuck his head through a second dark curtain that divided the cab from the cargo area.

"I'm not on fire," Spike commented. Other than that, there really wasn't much to say.

"No, about the van."

"It's a van, Harris."

"It's my van. The company was buying two new vans, and I thought that with our sun problems, we could use something without windows, and can I just say again that Angel is an idiot. A vampire with a convertible really is just about as stupid as they come. Oh, but before you even think it, if you paint the windows, I will put holy water in your blood supply," Xander threatened.

Spike opened his mouth, not even able to quite figure out what the bloody hell was going on before Xander disappeared into the front cab and started the van. The git had bought a van because of Spike? And then he'd threatened Spike with holy water. His words were playful, but then his body smelled of contained anger and uncontrolled grief.   "Bloody barmy wanker," Spike muttered as he looked around. The van's engine sounded solid, and the interior could be fixed up to be a little more comfortable. If a minion had gotten this for Spike back in the day, he might have lived another day before Spike dusted him just because he didn't bloody like minions.

"Drop me by the sewer entrance to our tunnels," Spike ordered.

"Um... I was hoping...." Xander stopped.

"Just spit it out, Harris."

"Do you know someone who could sell me a gun?"

Spike looked at the curtain separating them. It was about bloody time Xander did something other than bloody whine about Warren, but Spike hadn't imagined he'd reach his breaking point today. The road noise under the van changed and then the van stopped. Spike was guessing they were in a parking lot. This was better than a trunk, but it was still pretty damn annoying.

The van shifted into park and then Xander turned it off before pushing the front curtain back. He'd parked in the shade of store so Spike could see all the little happy meals toddling around the parking lot with their carts of food. "Well?" Xander asked.

"You ready to shoot Warren, then?"

"Enough's enough, Spike."

"It's been more than enough for a while now. Why get your knickers in a twist now? I thought your big plan was to find evidence." Spike crossed his arms and tried hard to not point out that Xander was an idiot who should have listened to him a long time ago.

Xander clenched his jaw, and Spike saw a flash of something hard and angry under the surface before Xander just sighed. "When Riley arrested Andrew, do you know what he was saying?"

"No, no, I'm too pretty of a nancy-boy for prison," Spike sing-songed in a high pitched voice. That forced a rough laugh out of Xander.

"Okay, something like that might have come out. But Spike, "Xander looked up at him, "Andrew said it wasn't fair because soon enough Buffy wouldn't be the slayer anymore."

Leaning back, Spike ran a tongue along the inside of his lower lip where he'd bit. He could still taste the blood.

Xander's voice got dangerously quiet, but every breath was louder and more strained than the last. "Andrew and Warren did this. They did something to make that Glargy demon go after Buffy because they wanted her to not be the slayer."

"Could be," Spike agreed. It was the sort of sad little plan those two would come up with.

Xander's breath was so ragged that Spike thought he might start sobbing. "Spike, Anya said that the demon was something like D'Hoffryn."

"And?"

When Xander looked up, he had a wild expression Spike had never seen on the boy. "Anya said that wish universes have lives of their own. It's like digging a new channel on a river. You can divert the water, but then you can't control where it goes or force it back into the same river."

Spike raised an eyebrow and waited for the part of the explanation that actually made sense. Xander's face twisted and he turned away, slapping his hand against the side of the van so hard that he must have hurt himself.

"Somewhere out there, some version of Buffy is still in that asylum because Warren and Andrew did this. She's alone and hurting and she always will be because someone she never met ruined her life." Xander stopped, the rage pouring from him. If Spike had any doubts about Xander's willingness to kill, and he had a lot of them, this version of Xander pretty much answered any doubts. Spike suspected that Xander was having trouble not just rushing over there and choking Warren with his own two hands. As far as Spike was concerned, his Buffy was safe and any other Buffys were on their own, but if this was the motivation to get Xander off his arse, he'd use it. Warren needed to die.

"Right then, so we need a weapon. You any good with a gun?"

"I can use one." Xander's expression was blank, but the fury still poured from his skin. Any demon in a mile would give the boy a wide berth right now.

"Anyone can use one, Harris. Pulling a trigger isn't difficult. However, are we looking for a rifle so you can take him at long range, a pistol, or a shotgun? You might have to take a couple of shots with the shotgun because those pellets aren't always good at penetrating the vital organs, but anyone can hit a target with one of those."

"A pistol," Xander said softly. Spike studied the boy wondering whether lack of confidence or a need to be up close and personal with his kill was inspiring that choice.

"I can get you that," Spike agreed. "In the basement, you had a regular armory. What happened to that?"

"I sold it when I was trying to keep the apartment and still pay Bonnie's mom," Xander said. "Where do I go for the gun?"

"Franklin cemetery... just north is an abandoned church. Demon I know runs a business out of the basement."

"Of a church?"

Spike shrugged. "Keeps the minions and fledges away, and Buffy doesn't usually go in churches."

With a nod, Xander got behind the wheel again, letting the dark curtain fall shut. As he started the van, Spike called home to Clem. Might be best if Clem took Bonnie out for a bit. Spike had a feeling that Xander was going to be out of sorts for a while, and Bonnie didn't need to see that.  Yeah, she saw Spike ranting about as often as not, but Xander was her da.  Xander never came home smelling of blood and death, and Spike just preferred to keep it that way.

Comments

[lit-gal.livejournal.com]

Spike doesn't have a soul here, and I really am trying to keep these two in character... which makes the slash so very difficult at this point. Xander just would not fall for someone who didn't have a soul. But he certainly is starting to feel something for Spike, which is why he bought the van.