The Cost of Butterfly Kisses

[lit_gal]

The Cost of Butterfly Kisses, Part 15

Fandom/Pairing: BtVS, Spike/Xander
Prompt: Chattel

Rated: TEEN (we're still in the manipulation stages here)
Summary: Spike wants to be the one who is there for Buffy, but life has never been that kind to him..

Without Jonathan, Warren is getting more desperate.  So, when an old friend returns to town, he finds that the Scoobies are struggling in more ways than one.  However, Xander also sees an opportunity to try and fix two of the problems still plaguing the group.

(Chapter One... )  ( Chapter Two... )  ( Chapter Three... ) ( Chapter Four... ) ( Chapter Five )   ( Chapter Six )   ( Chapter 7 )  ( Chapter 8 )  ( Chapter Nine )  ( Chapter Ten )   ( Chapter Eleven )  ( Chapter Twelve ) ( Chapter Thirteen ) ( Chapter 14 . )

Chapter Fifteen

"Harris!"

Xander turned off the saw and pulled his ear protection off. "Hey. What's up?" Johnson poked a thumb toward the ground level. "Boss said someone was looking for you."

Looking down through the bare-stud walls, Xander tried to see who it was. The lack of cat calls meant it wasn't Tara or Willow or Buffy, but the sun would keep Spike away. Xander just prayed that Jonathan wasn't coming to visit.

Leaving his eye and ear protection at the table saw, Xander fingered the cell phone in his pocket as he headed down the stairs. With Jonathan gone, Warren seemed to be panicking, and Xander braced himself to run like hell and dial for help if the twerp was trying another one of his crazy schemes. Of course, Xander wasn't exactly in a whole lot of danger, not unless he was standing near Buffy.

Xander was ninety percent sure that Warren had set the fire the night that Dawn's wish trapped them all in Buffy's house. That could have been so very, very bad. The worst part was that he, Spike, and Tara were all in the house, trapped and watching a fire take out a good chunk of Buffy's backyard.

Xander should have been worried about himself or his friends who were facing death by fire, but all he could think about was that Bonnie was going to be left with Clem. Not that Clem was a bad guy, but Xander would rather not have his daughter raised by someone who considered hiding under a pile of rotting trash an effective fighting strategy. His lecture on the various types of garbage smells and using that as camouflage had made Xander totally skip dinner. Even Spike had turned a little green.

When he came around the corner, Xander stopped and started at the familiar face. "Riley?" he called. He headed for the hard-hat line before pulling his hat off.

Riley stood near the manager's trailer. "Hey, Xander." He was smiling, but Xander could just feel something wrong. Considering just how many secrets Riley might have discovered, Xander wasn't sure he wanted to talk to Riley. Had they even told Riley about the whole bringing Buffy back from the dead?

Xander plastered on his best smile. "Hi, Riley. Long time no see."

"It has been a while. I was wondering if maybe we could... go out to lunch." Riley didn't even bother to hide the awkward pause in the middle that suggested he had an agenda that didn't include food. Well, that and he was wearing his camouflage uniform. He wasn't being subtle.

"We can hold the fort, take off," Paul called from the window of the manager's trailer. Xander opened his mouth to protest because he needed the money, but the fact was that he really didn't. Spike was cheaper to keep than Anya had been. He just didn't want to spend a whole lot of time with Riley. Unfortunately, Riley caught him by the arm and was hurrying him off the site before Xander could even stage a token protest.

"It's my treat," Riley said, his voice making it sound like he was best friends with Xander, and Xander really couldn't protest without things getting really weird really fast.

"So, how's life been treating you?" Xander asked. "You aren't here for any..." Xander stopped and looked around for any eavesdropping coworkers before he finished. "demon problems, are you?"

Riley steered them out one of the gates and toward a chicken shack set up on the corner. Most of the guys ate here, but lunch was over, so the tables were empty and the woman in the shack was wiping down the same bit of counter over and over. "Actually," Riley said quietly, "we had a Suvolte demon egg infestation, but it's taken care of now."

"Demon eggs. Ick."

"They weren't fun," Riley agreed.

"They weren't fun last time, either. Last time they burrowed into people's brains and made them serve the momma demon." Xander sat at one of the bent metal benches attached to the table. He looked up to find that Riley was looking at him with a vague sort of horror. "I'll take a soda and some fries," Xander said.

Riley shook his head and then headed over to buy the food. The town was quiet this time of day. Xander had a few more hours on shift before he could go home. He'd promised Bonnie a zoo day, which meant he was probably going to have to pass on patrolling tonight. He'd thought they were demon free, which is why he was skipping the Scoobie thing, but maybe he should drop by Buffy's instead.

"So, is there still an egg issue?" Xander asked when Riley sat down with the food.

"It's all taken care of."

Xander grabbed one of the fries. "So, it's all good. Good." And with that, Xander was pretty much done with the small talk. Riley used a French fry to push some ketchup around on his paper plate.

"Spike knew about the Suvolte and hadn't told anyone."

"Color me unsurprised." Xander shrugged.

"He's working with you, and he withholds information. You're okay with that?" Riley mangled his French fry and glared at Xander.

"It's Spike. Spike would fight tooth and fang to protect Buffy or Dawn, but if there's someone eating John Doe right in front of him, he's not only not going to care, but he's not going to understand why you do."

"And you're okay with that?" Riley was looking way too tense for someone who was just concerned about Spike's ethics in general.

"Okay? No. But Riley, he's one of our strongest fighters, and I guess it's like working with someone who's blind. You just get used to making sure you steer them around the furniture. Spike's just Spike, so if you have some moral rule that really bothers you, you just have to tell him because he's never going to get it." Xander thought about that for a second. "Actually, you and I would tell Buffy or Dawn and THEY would talk to him. If we're unhappy, Spike would consider that a bonus."

"And you're okay with that?" Riley asked the question softer this time.

"Okay would be too strong a word." Xander sighed. "It's complicated, Riley."

"Is it complicated for Buffy, too?"

Xander stopped chewing and just stared at Riley. His brain started spinning, planning lies and denials.

"You know," Riley said quietly.

"Know?" Xander tried for ignorance, but Riley wasn't biting.

"You know about Spike and Buffy. I walked in on them, Xander." Riley made a disgusted face, but in Riley's defense, Xander made that same face every time he thought about it too much.

"Oh. That." Xander swallowed and then started pulling one of his French fries into little tiny potato bits. "Yeah. I just try really, really hard to repress."

"But... Is she..."

Xander held up a hand to stop Riley from verbally flailing into territory where Xander just didn't want to go. "Whatever you're about to ask, the answer is probably going to be 'no.' As in 'no' she's not thinking right, but also 'no' that she's not getting taken advantage of. Weirdly, she seems to be doing more of the taking than the getting taken in the advantage department."

"Oh." Riley's face twisted in disgust.

"Yeah. Oh." Xander's expression matched Riley's.

"Xander, is there anything I can do to help? I just... I never wanted any of this for Buffy. I understand that she just couldn't love me, but—"

"She came after you," Xander interrupted.

For a second, Riley just blinked at him. "She what?"

"The night you left. She came after you, Riley."

Most of the blood left Riley's face. "Oh god."

Xander shrugged. "Sometimes she just takes a little longer when it comes to boys. Men." Xander laughed grimly. "Men shaped vampires."

"So me showing up here probably is not helping." Riley ran his hands through his hair and leaned back.

"Why?" Xander asked suspiciously. Riley's face had a whole lot more guilt in it than it should. A whole lot. "Didn't things go well with her?"

Riley gave a feral laugh. "I introduced her to my wife."

Xander cringed. "Ouch."

"I didn't know, Xander. I thought that she let me go over a year ago. And I really thought she would never sleep with Spike." Riley fell silent, and they both stared at their French fries. This was going down in Xander's list of all-time most uncomfortable conversations, right up there with the Jesus talk he'd had with Bonnie.

"Buffy sleeping with Spike," Riley muttered unhappily.

"I don't think they sleep much."

"Yeah, I got that. In Technicolor." Riley grabbed his soda and drank as if the very thought put a bad taste in his mouth. Xander could relate because he found himself decorating cupcakes with Bonnie every time he spotted a new hickey or trail of fingernail marks on Spike. "Xander, are you sure he's not using her somehow? I've seen a lot of stuff in the last year—mages that can make people see things... spells to control people."

"I've been seeing that shit since I was 15, Riley," Xander said before Riley could really get going and convince himself he had to save Buffy. "Trust me, this is good old fashioned screwy in the head stuff. Spike's not using her; she's using him. She's going to wake up one of these days and realize that beating the shit out of Spike isn't exactly a nice thing to do, and then the shit and the fan are going to have an up close and personal relationship." Xander stopped. His voice was getting high and fast, and he was breathing hard, and he had to take a second to really get control. It was like being on a train that was headed straight for a cliff and knowing that you couldn't do a damn thing but stay quiet and hope the engineer stopped the train before it turned into a brilliant ball of fire in the bottom of a ravine. "But Buffy's going to have to come to that conclusion on her own," Xander added. "For once in my life, I am staying out of it."

"Even if she's hurting?" Riley's question made Xander look up, but Riley's expression wasn't accusatory, just confused.

"Especially if she's hurting. I don't know what to do without hurting her more, so I'm going to wait and then help pick up the pieces after shit and fan have that meeting."

Riley stared at Xander sadly. "I am sorry. I really had no idea that things were so bad here."

Xander laughed. "You know the weird thing? They really aren't. I mean, last year we were in all kinds of hurt because Spike was our only fighter, and he was running himself ragged trying to keep everything together when that chip was like the biggest handicap ever. Before that, we had a goddess trying to end the world. Before that, we had... well, you know. If anything, it's quiet around here."

"So, it's not as bad as it looks from here?"

"Oh no. It's way worse," Xander quickly corrected him. "I just can't quite figure out why, but it's way, way worse. I'd be telling Buffy and Dawn to take a long vacation anywhere other than here, but I'm pretty sure the hellmouth would implode because everything feels like this big balloon that's about to explode, and I can't figure out how to stop people from blowing more and more air into it. Even Spike's getting twitchy, and anything that makes Spike twitch pretty much terrifies the rest of us."

Riley sat up. "Spike's twitchy?" Yep, that was proof that anything that made Spike twitch terrified everyone because Riley was looking alarmed. He hated Spike, and he still didn't dismiss Spike's instincts.

Xander nodded. "In a Spike sort of way. It's like he's always looking around and ready for something to jump at him, but that might be because of Warren. For Spike, having our villain of the day be a human is just a little uncomfortable."

"Warren? What's going on, Xander?"

"Buffy didn't give you the sitch?" Xander wasn't sure what to think of that. Yeah, Riley wasn't exactly one of them anymore... if he ever was... but she'd always been share-girl with Riley.

"She said there weren't any problems other than employment and broken plumbing. She didn't even know that someone was raising Suvolte demons. She said that was the most demonic activity she's seen since—" Riley fell silent. There were a lot of awkward silences in this conversation.

Yeah, he and Riley had never exactly been buddies, but Xander thought that they understood each other. Now they were just two guys who didn't understand each other at all. Xander could see that Riley expected something out of him. Since Xander was the one still in Buffy's circle, he should be the one to do something to help get Buffy out of this hole she was digging for herself. Maybe it was his desire to keep Bonnie safe or maybe it was just his growing realization that he couldn't live other people's lives, but Xander really didn't think there was anything he could do. He'd help pull her out of heaven, and now there was nothing he could do. But maybe there was something Riley could do.

"The evil these days is coming in a human package. Did you see Buffy's backyard?" The fire that had almost taken the house with everyone trapped in it had scorched the grass and left black soot stains all over the back. Warren was getting desperate, and Xander was starting to think that he just needed to shoot the duo of destruction as they were calling themselves now.

Riley cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Buffy said a barbeque got out of hand."

"Actually, a barbeque missed its mark since we were the main course. Warren tried to burn the house down when we were trapped inside. Weirdly, it was Anya that saved us."

"Anya?"

"She knew a demon—you know, nevermind. Long story." Xander sighed. There was so much going on, but none of it really mattered, not when it came to Warren. "But the short version is that Warren has killed a girl, attacked Buffy, robbed banks, summoned demons, and is now going for the ever-popular arson. He's pathetic as far as evil minions of hell go, but Buffy won't confront a human, and Spike can't."

"Are you asking me to turn the chip off?" Riley's voice was slow and careful.

"God no. Riley, Spike has been staying with me, and you know how much fun that always is. Exactly how long do you think I'd live if you took that chip out?"

Riley seemed to sag in relief. "Thank god. I thought maybe you wanted me to help turn it off."

"Could you?"

Even though Riley didn't answer right away, Xander could see the truth without Riley saying anything. There was a way to get the chip out. And he had no idea how he felt about that. Eventually, Riley nodded. "If there were a good reason, yes. But it doesn't sound like this Warren is a big enough problem to warrant taking that risk."

"Which leaves me." Xander couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. He didn't want to be in this position, but if Spike couldn't and Buffy wouldn't do anything, then he had to do something.

"Xander?" Riley sounded worried.

"Can I ask you a hypothetical and confidential question?"

"One that's not so hypothetical, maybe?" Riley leaned forward and gave Xander his best psychology major expression.

"Maybe," Xander agreed. "How do you decide when you have to use deadly force? I mean, I still have little fragments of my soldier memories, like little floating bits of information that don't really make all that much sense anymore, so I have this sense that soldiers talk about these things, but I don't have any useful memories at all."

"Whoa." Riley leaned back and blinked. "That's a big question. Xander, is this problem with Warren that serious?"

Xander rubbed a hand across his face and vaguely wondered if he was talking himself into a nice long stay in Leavenworth by confessing this. If Warren showed up dead now, Riley was going to ask some really uncomfortable questions. Xander was a little disturbed to realize that he trusted Tara and Spike to look after Bonnie if worse came to worse. "He was threatening one of his friends, Jonathan. Warren got Jonathan to use some pretty strong magic to attack Buffy."

"Crap."

"But I talked Jonathan into going to work with a friend who would teach him magic without the blackmail. So, that's all unpromblemy."

"Good thinking. That sounds like a good solution. But from your expression, I'm guessing the rest doesn't end as well," Riley said.

"Not really. Twit number two is really good with demon summoning and controlling magical beasties. I talked his brother, Tucker, into trying to get Andrew to leave, and Andrew turned his brother into a hell mouse."

"A what?" Riley's voice rose an octave and something that sounded suspiciously like a laugh slipped out at the end.

"A hell mouse." Xander held up his hands to indicate something really small. "Like a hell hound only really extra tiny and weirdly cute. It took Tara a week to change Tucker back, and he is definitely not interested in talking to Andrew again."

"So, we're talking a major threat."

"Hugely. And our only two fighters are out for the count," Xander said. "Oh, Spike would love to eat them, but with the chip, that is not going to happen."

"So you're wondering if you should step in."

Xander shook his head. "Oh, I know I should step in, only after that fire, I'm thinking maybe I need to start listening to Spike's plans instead of trying to play nice."

Giving a big sigh, Riley turned and stared at the cars that were passing them on the road. "Xander, that is not an easy call," he eventually said.

"Which explains all my avoidance, but if I wait until Warren actually kills us, that's going to be an even worse call," Xander pointed out. Riley made an unhappy face that suggested that he agreed with Xander, even if he didn't like agreeing with Xander. Considering that Xander wasn't so hot about having to kill someone, he didn't mind Riley being not enthusiastic about it. "So, where is that line when you can call something justified? I mean, if I had shot him when he was setting the backyard on fire, that would be justified, but if I shoot him in his bathroom... I just don't know what to do, Riley."

"Have you talked to Buffy?"

"Hell no. Riley, she's having trouble enough with her own shit, and clearly she's not willing to deal with the duo of dorkitude, so that leave me with Spike and Tara."

"Spike wants you to kill them."

"And Tara is spending so much time not commenting that I'm guessing she kinda agrees. And honestly, if Warren came anywhere near my family, I would not hesitate, but going out with a plan to kill him is feeling not good."

"If it ever starts feeling good, that's when you need to worry about yourself," Riley said seriously. "Right now, it sounds like you're asking yourself the right questions, at least."

"And how about the answers?"

It took Riley a long time to answer. "Those ethics classes that you remember... they didn't give answers, Xander. As soldiers, we have to assess the threat and make the decision, and if people at HQ disagree, we have to live with the consequences. However, there aren't any easy answers."

"You do know that's not what I wanted to hear, right?"

"Sorry about that." Riley gave him a sad smile. "I can do you one favor. If Warren and Andrew are summoning demons, my unit can go over there and ask a few questions—poke around some."

"Arrest them and throw them under the jail?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Not unless I see a felony that I can swear to in a military tribunal. However, if they're as reckless as you're suggesting, having two soldiers show up on their doorstep might provoke a reaction.

"You're using yourself as bait?"

Riley gave Xander a wicked grin that would have made Spike himself proud. "If it works, it means I can take care of this problem for you."

"Or it means you could end up a hell mouse."

Riley's grin faded. "Have Tara keep the anti-mouse spell handy, but I'm going in with an entire team, including a shaman of my own, so Andrew might find me a little more formidable than his brother. And if he tries a hell mouse spell, our shaman will definitely testify in a military tribunal. Andrew could end up under the jail for that kind of an attack."

"Just...." Xander chewed on his lower lip.

"Xander?"

"I don't think Andrew is actually the evil one," Xander blurted. "Warren made it out to be a big game, a chance to live out some comic book and Andrew and Jonathan went along, but their plans are all out of some kid's fantasy: an invisible ray, a mind control devise that gets them women, a time loop to annoy Buffy to death by making her please the world's pickiest customer. Riley, these aren't exactly the plans of someone with a whole lot of good mental hygiene."

"Which is why you don't want to shoot them."

"Well, that and killing people is generally not of the good."

Riley leaned closer. "Xander, no offense, but I've fought next to you. I never had any doubt that you would kill to protect the people you loved. If you're hesitating to use lethal force, it's because you don't think you should. So, my unit will head over there and shake the tree and see if we can't get one or both of them to panic. If they do anything threatening toward us, that will be enough to arrest them."

"And if they don't?"

Riley stared off into the distance. "Collect evidence. Because you aren't in the service, the tribunal will require something in the way of proof because you won't be allowed to testify. So, if you can get enough evidence that five officers would look at the file and believe that these two are a danger to society, you call me back and I'll make the arrest."

Xander thought about sneaking around the duo of dorkitude trying to take pictures or record their stupid fights. "That's sounding more dangerous than Spike's big plan."

"Which is?"

"Shoot them," Xander answered. That was pretty damn obvious. Or not. Actually, Spike's favorite plan involved long detailed descriptions of evisceration and the drinking of blood, but plan A usually ended up with the chip firing, and Spike colorfully cursing as he clutched his head.

Riley nodded. "Xander, you have to trust your instincts. If getting evidence is going to put you or others in danger, then you do what you have to. Killing may not be easy, but it's better than allowing the innocent to die, and you know that. Don't second guess yourself."

"Is it okay if I just pray that they try to attack you so you have to deal with this?"

"No, that's fine. I'm actually hoping the same thing. Look, I should go. We have to ship out in three hours, and if we're going to make an extra stop, we're running short on time."

"Hey, thanks for stopping by. Actually, was there a reason you stopped by? I sort of hijacked the conversation."

Riley stood up and offered his hand. "I just wanted to get your input on what's going on with Buffy. I guess I just wanted some sort of reassurance that someone had her back and understood that she was heading for an emotional cliff."

Xander felt weird shaking Riley's hand like two men making a business deal in the middle of the street. "Knowing that doesn't mean I know how to actually help."

"Like you said, just be there for her when the shit hits the fan." Riley turned to leave, and Xander could feel a tightness in his stomach. He didn't want Riley to leave. He wanted one person in his life who wasn't falling apart—one person who he could be weak around. But Riley just headed down the street. Closing his eyes, Xander tried to banish all these resentments that crawled up through the cracks in his brain. He didn't want to be the strong one. He didn't want to be the fighter. He didn't want to watch his friends for the first signs of a complete emotional meltdown.

Yep, and hell mice in hell wanted ice water. They were all going to have to learn to live with disappointment.