Thoughts Colored Ugly 11
Jan. 8th, 2008 05:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lit_galTuesday chapter! River, Jayne, and Mal got some tensions out between them, but now they need to talk because beating each other senseless only goes so far.
Thoughts Colored Ugly 11/?
River/Jayne
Rated: ADULT
Warnings: Dom/sub, slavery, angst.
Previous parts
Jayne was still tender as he walked down the stairs the next morning. River weren't even flinching as she bounded down the steps, but at least she was showing her marks on her face. The jaw Jayne had hit was purple and swollen, but Jayne refused to feel one whit guilty, especially considering that every bone in his body ached. 'Course the ache was better than the one he had been living with. The feel of a body sore from fighting was familiar, not like the way he'd been sore from swinging a shovel and sleeping on a slave mat for three weeks.
River darted ahead and looked into the dining room and then came back to his side, slipping her arm through his as they headed into the dining room. She held a mite bit too tight for how sore he was, but it weren't worth complaining about, especially not when the smell of pancakes and bacon was drifting through the air calling him, and for once he had enough money in his pocket to order whatever he gorram wanted.
Walking into the dining room, he looked around and spotted Mal sitting in the corner, his back to the wall. He already had a plate, poking things with his fork.
"Food bad?" Jayne asked as he sat next to Mal in the corner. River sat with her back to the door, but then Jayne didn't figure she needed to see the door to actually keep an eye out for it. And even if she were distracted, him and Mal would notice trouble quick enough.
"Don't know. Hurt too much to eat," Mal answered with a dark look at River. She smiled sweetly.
"Ain't feeling springtime fresh myself," Jayne agreed as he stretched his back carefully.
"You both deserved it," River announced. Then she reached up and poked her bruised chin. "Me, too," she added. Mal gave a good snort and stabbed a big of chunk of sausage with his fork before shoving it in his mouth.
"We all messed up, and now it's all forgiven," River finished. She smiled at Jayne, and he had to admit that he was feeling forgiving, especially looking at the purple bruise on her face. Might be he felt just a little bad about that, especially knowing that she'd only been emasculating him cause she were jealous. Been a long time since anyone was jealous of him being interested in someone else. And remembering back to when the doctor first came on board and Kaylee liked him, Jayne had to admit that when he were jealous, he were a good sight meaner than River ever dreamed of being.
The server came and took their order, and got the money off Jayne before he disappeared again. "Don't feel like my insides are quite right," Mal complained as he chewed.
"You're bruised, not broken," River said without much sympathy. "I wouldn't break the captain. But I might have been a little angry." She looked around the room curiously, returning the stares of the other people without even acknowledging that she was sort of offering an apology.
"Just as long as you don't plan on making kicking my ass a regular feature of your spells," Mal sort of accepted.
"Wasn't planning on it. I wasn't thinking clear last night." River spent the entire time looking around the room and several people were now staring at them, some not even trying to hide their aggression.
Jayne sighed as a man from the next table saw River's multicolored face and promptly glared at him. Weren't worth hitting the man over a look, and Jayne didn't figure the captain or River would take kindly to him starting a fight with some dandy in a suit, not even a short fight, but it were aggravating. "Now everyone thinks I'm a woman beater. I ain't never beat on a woman who weren't trying to beat on me," he complained.
"I think River fits into the category of women trying to beat on you," Mal said slowly. "I ain't sure how this is supposed to work when we get back to the Serenity because if you two are going to be settling your problems with fists, I sure can't afford to replace what you'll be breaking."
"Wasn't figuring on this being a regular feature of the relationship," Jayne said without paying the captain much attention. If these dandies were going to glare at him, least he could do was glare right back until they looked away.
"So how do you plan to handle it if River decides to go whaling on you?"
Jayne looked at the captain and slammed his open hand down on the table hard enough that silverware bounced and the quiet murmurings of a dozen conversations all stopped. "Ain't some helpless sort with no say," Jayne growled. Mal looked at him for a long time as the conversations around them slowly restarted.
"I ain't never said you were helpless," Mal said in his verging on being pissed voice. "Obstreperous, annoying, and occasionally untrustworthy, but never helpless. But dealing with River... ain't an easy thing, and being a registered slave kinda presupposes that you don't have no say in it," Mal finally finished.
River just looked at them and smiled and didn't say anything. Turning around in her chair, she put her knees in the seat and grabbed a glass of juice from the tray of a passing waiter.
"River!" Mal hissed.
"Get me one while you're at it," Jayne suggested. River smiled and handed him the glass as she went back to watching the waiters. The one who got his juice stole spluttered a bit and then hurried away to serve his customers what was left. Jayne drank.
"This ain't the sort of place where you do that," Mal warned.
"I ain't the sort of man who cares. And River, not sure she can even wrap her mind around manners, leastwise not most of the time."
"I can this morning," she said over her shoulder. "Last night I wasn't really paying attention to manners or really thinking straight. I got caught up in my own head and said things I shouldn't be saying."
"I didn't notice you doing much talking at all," Mal muttered to her back because she was still watching and waiting for another glass of juice to come her way. The waiters were avoiding her now so she reached over and took the glass back from Jayne, drinking some before giving it back to him.
"I meant before I went down there. I said things and Jayne hit me and it's all okay now." River finally gave up on stealing another juice and dropped back into her seat.
"Ain't as simple as all that," Mal said slowly.
"I reckon it is," Jayne said. "She were acting a little high handed, and we had a meetin' of the minds."
"Wait. I'm confused. Jayne, is she cutting you loose?" Mal sat up and put his fork next to his plate.
"No!" River almost snarled as her smile instantly vanished. "He's mine and I'm keeping him."
Jayne flinched as she grabbed his arm hard enough to make his bruised flesh ache.
"River, you're hurting him," Mal said sharply as he sat forward.
"Ain't nothing," Jayne snorted. "Never knew you were so all-fired worried about me having some bruises. And speaking of, you need to stop acting like you got to protect me from River."
"Someone needs to." Mal crossed his arms as he looked from one of them to the other. "She were out of control last night."
"I was," River agreed before Jayne could say anything. "I got caught up in whispers and I wasn't thinking straight. Sometimes I can hear the whispers of other people's thoughts so clear that I can't find my way back. That's why I like space. All that black and no one's thoughts to push in on me. Just familiar minds sliding past making shadows."
"And it seems like you caught the worst of it last night, captain." Jayne did feel pleasure in pointing that out.
"Seems like half the menfolk at the docks caught the worst of that," Mal shot right back without even a trace of embarrassment.
"Gorram right," River agreed with a smile. Both men stopped and just looked at her. Jayne was finding it hard not to smile.
"Jayne, I do believe you're a bad influence on her," Mal commented as the waiter brought their food. Jayne immediately dug into the huge pile of pancakes. Wasn't but a couple of seconds before he was leaving syrup drips on the front of his new shirt.
"Figure I am," Jayne agreed with his mouth full as he tried to clean himself up with a napkin. "Were a brand new shirt, too," he complained.
"I'm not so young and innocent as you think," River said as she reached over with a damp napkin and helped. Cleaning the drips of syrup involved a bit more rubbing on River's part than Jayne figured were totally necessary, but he just sat and watched Mal's expression.
"Don't reckon I have any idea what you two are up to, but I can't say I think of either of you as all that innocent." Mal shoved half a sausage in his mouth.
"I plan to seduce Jayne," River offered without any guile, and for a second, Jayne thought they were going to lose the captain as he choked on his mouthful. River watched him with an expression of curiosity as he coughed and spluttered and finally drank so much water that a waiter came over to find out if they needed to call a doc. Mal's answer weren't even near decent.
Jayne just ate his pancakes and watched in amusement as Mal's temper finally drove the staff away. Fact was that Jayne didn't think he'd probably hold out too much longer, but it were easier having the confrontations with folk when he could claim his conscious was clear, at least clear on this count. This morning, walking up with a warm body in his arms, her curves pressed against him, for those hazy minutes before the rest of him woke up, his body didn't worry about River being too young or too crazy or too gorram unpredictable. For those hazy minutes, it only cared that for the first time in years, there were a woman who cared enough to still be in the bed in the morning. If she'd woken up before him, if she'd slipped her hand under his shirt and opened his pants... he couldn't claim that he weren't interested in her as a woman.
"Captain's all cranky," River announced softly as she started in on her eggs.
"Her seducin' me is more shocking than her raping me?" Jayne asked, mumbling the words around a mouthful of pancakes.
"Never said..."
River reached out and poked Mal's arm. "Thought it. Thought it loud once Jayne told me what you'd said. I wasn't listening to what I sounded like when I talked to you about Jayne, about him being mine, and you got yourself all twisted. Which is only fair because you got Jayne all twisted, but I hit you for that, so I'm not bringing up how you messed up again."
"Just once, wish I could understand one thing that you're gorram saying," Mal muttered before focusing on Jayne. "But her being the curious sort, and buying those chains and talking about you sleeping with her, weren't an unreasonable assumption to make, but seducing..." Mal trailed off unhappily.
"What?" Jayne demanded.
"Seducing is a mite bit more personal," Mal snapped back.
"It is personal." River's voice was small, confused. Mal sighed and looked at her.
"Maybe so, mei-mei, but seducing sounds like you're looking for something Jayne might not be able to give. He ain't the settling down sort."
"I reckon I'm settled down now seeing as how she owns the paper on me, unless I plan to have the law after me," Jayne shrugged.
"The law been after you half your life."
Jayne stopped and thought about that one because it suddenly occurred to him that he was feeling more law-abiding about following River than he had ever been about most laws. He just dismissed the thought. He weren't one for thinking on his own motives. "Yeah, but ain't like anyone actually cares about smugglers. A runaway slave, though..." Jayne shrugged his shoulders. "Ain't like to go anywhere until River gets tired of me and sets me free."
"I won't ever get tired of you. You're mine, I bought you fair and square. And if you get turned around and run, I'll just chain you up until you remember that I won't ever get tired of you." River's words, so matter of factly given, were pretty much the same thing she'd said the night before, but today they just weren't inspiring the panic. He still had that cautious feeling like he were standing up in a boat that weren't too steady, but not panic.
"And don't you go looking at me with pity," Jayne warned, poking his dinner knife in Mal's general direction.
"I just don't truck with slavery. Ain't right, her owning you. Ain't right for anyone to go owning a man. But the longer this goes, the less likely it seems that this is a passing spell of hers."
"Right, wrong... don't matter. Stopped waiting for the world to be fair a long time ago," Jayne pointed out. "Were ready to accept being a farm slave, and I reckon I don't need no pity for having an owner who wants to seduce me. Mind, I ain't interested in having the doc cut off my balls the first time I have a toothache, which is why I'm hesitating on the gettin' seduced part."
"He wou--" Mal stopped. "Niou-se. He'll want to, but he's a doctor. He'll treat you fair."
"If he thinks I were the one doing the seducing, and that the seducing came before her getting her ideas of making this permanent… well, I ain't assuming the doc's that good a' man," Jayne pointed out.
"Sees me as a little girl," River said unhappily. "Jayne's almost as bad, seeing me one minute and then seeing a little girl the next. He's right, I should have a bigger body, something that shows people I'm not that young or that innocent." River stuck the rest of her bacon in her mouth and crossed her legs up under her in her chair. "If I were bigger, he wouldn't have to worry about all of you blaming him for having thoughts," she finished unhappily.
This time it was Jayne's turn to choke. He grabbed his orange juice and drained it as Mal considered him with eyes about as sharp as any Jayne had ever seen. Cao, she couldn't go and say something like that in front of someone stupid. No, she got to go and say it in front of Mal, and from the expression, Mal weren't going to buy that it was just some random babble.
"Why would we blame Jayne? I mean, apart from him going and getting stupid and selling himself as a slave."
"I gorram lost a game, didn't sell myself," Jayne growled.
"If you'd sold yourself, you would have gotten something out of the deal. You done gambled yourself away for nothing," Mal pointed out coldly. Problem being that Jayne couldn't rightly disagree. "Ain't hearing the part where we would blame him for you takin' up with slavers, mei-mei."
"That's Jayne's. I told him I wouldn't take anything that he hasn't given me, and he hasn't given me that part of himself," she said seriously.
"Aiya! That works better if you don't go hinting at something being there," Jayne pointed out. River considered him seriously, and Jayne just had to sigh. He figured that he'd wanted Mal long enough that River couldn't rightly separate what he were thinking from what he'd said. Wanted Kaylee, wanted Mal, ended up with River, and somehow Jayne weren't sure yet whether the universe had done him a favor or played one more joke on him. River tilted her head, and Jayne just knew she was in his thoughts with him that second. "And it ain't fair, having you rattling around inside my head. Have gou shi in there that I don't rightly want to share," he sighed.
"She's reading you?" Mal asked.
"Were since before I left Serenity."
"That have something to do with her taking to introducing you to walls?"
"Might be."
Mal pushed back his empty plate and crossed his arm, waiting. Still sitting Indian-style on the chair, River looked back and forth between them.
"Ain't going to ask, but if this is something I need to know as captain, I assume you'd be telling me," Mal said quietly, and Mal's quiet voice always worried Jayne more than any yelling the captain did.
He remembered being locked in that air lock, the captain's voice over that radio as he explained why Jayne was going to die, explaining that Mal took it as a personal betrayal that Jayne had tried selling out the Tams, that Jayne had fucked up but good. That were a voice Jayne still sometimes heard in his nightmares. And part of him still didn't understand why Mal hadn't done it. Mal had led him to a quiet place in his own mind, a place where he could look at death and accept that he deserved it, and then Mal had gone and let him live. Still didn't make no sense to him.
"That never made him tell before," River interrupted the quiet that had fallen over their conversation, her eyes still focused on Jayne. Jayne put his fork down and glanced around the room. Weren't anything new to look at, and eventually he focused on Mal again, the captain's arms crossed as he waited with an expression that didn't leave much room for avoiding.
"Figure you already know I got ugly stuff in here, stuff she's been sorting through," Jayne said as he tapped his head.
"Ain't one to talk myself," Mal agreed quickly. "Got memories I wouldn't share lightly if I had a choice in the matter."
Right, this were the embarrassing part. Jayne took a deep breath. "Might be River got some of her ideas about slaving from me."
"From you?" Mal started shaking his head. "Jayne Cobb, I've knowed you to do some right lowdown things, but I ain't never seen you do anything disrespectful to someone who you saw as below you. I can't see you ever having thoughts of keeping slaves."
Jayne glared at the captain. If he were making this hard on Jayne just for orneryness, Jayne was going to hit him right here in the middle of breakfast. River's hand came up, resting on Jayne's arm and holding him in place.
"Ain't funny," Jayne growled.
Mal frowned. "I ain't funning with you, Jayne, but I'm starting to get mighty annoyed."
Jayne didn't answer, emotions pushing too hard as him, and just didn't have the words to say it. Wanted to hit Mal. If he hit Mal, the shame and fear and that terrible quiet nagging at the edge of his words would just vanish. River's hand on his arm tightened.
"You showed him," River said softly. She studied Jayne's face even though she was talking to Mal, her eyes seeing into him so that Jayne feel like one of Kaylee's engines with all the peering into his parts. She fell quiet for a minute before starting again, her voice whisper soft. "You showed him how to lay his strength down for you when he didn't know what were the right direction," River whispered, her voice taking on a rough edge. "He thought he were going to die, and figured that was okay because you told him he should, and it were a relief, not having to figure out the right choice, but knowin' that someone else would make the choice for him. Even if the choice were him dying, it would be better than never knowin' where to turn and never feeling sure anymore. But after you showed him how to not argue, you didn't ever show him that quiet place again. Got confusing." She stopped, her head tilted to the side as she studied Jayne.
Jayne held his breath. Were only the one time that he was so tired he was ready to accept death, and that was a memory he didn't rightly want River wandering around in. But if she had seen that, why hadn't she seen the betrayal? Jayne's guts twisted. He'd been all kinds of fool to think he could keep that from her. His chest ached with every breath.
"Jayne?" Mal asked.
"Seems like she keeps trying to get at my memories of Ariel," Jayne admitted slowly.
"Do she--" Mal stopped.
"I know. I always knew. But he lied to you captain. He didn't get stupid because of the money," River said softly. Jayne looked at her waiting for the anger or the accusations or for her to just get up and walk away and not come back. She just continued to study his face.
"Tsai boo shr," Mal breathed.
"You listened to his words and not his thoughts, and you never knew what you done," River accused Mal, tilting her head in his direction. "He got stupid--afraid for Kaylee, not knowing what I'd do, and I couldn't explain because words slid away like fish and I only told him he looked good in red, and you told him he should die, and he laid down for you. He laid down and accepted his death because you told him he should, and then you didn't never tell him anything that sure again."
"Wait." Mal sat up straight. "You mean--. Cao."
"So I ain't some gorram victim here," Jayne snapped. "She ain't done nothing that didn't come out of my own thoughts, just ain't never had those thoughts about her. Bad enough she looks 'bout twelve, but she were also the one who gutted me, before I even done nothing to deserve it."
"You had fantasies about getting your ass kicked?" Mal sounded shell-shocked. "If I'd known that, I suppose we could have solved this long time ago," Mal finally breathed softly.
"Ain't lookin' to lay down for anyone," Jayne growled. This were beyond embarrassing. This were right up there with mortification. "Wanted to find someone who I could fight with, someone just as strong as me who wouldn't take a runner when I went and done something stupid, because we all know I don't make the best decisions."
"And the captain's an idiot because he didn't see what was right in front of him since Ariel, but too late now because Jayne's mine and I'm not selling." River tightened her grip on Jayne's arm.
Mal didn't seem capable of doing much except blinking. "Ai-yah. Tyen-ah. That what she's had her knickers in a twist over? Me not taking you in hand?"
River glared at him. "Tell, don't tell--you don't ever make up your mind and it makes things all twisty," River complained. Mal just had an expression like some stranger had walked up and slapped him.
"Merciless hell. Weren't never in my mind that you needed that, Jayne." Mal leaned back. "I always figured I'd lose you one day when you had a stake together. Figured you for getting your own ship and your own crew."
Jayne thought about that. He'd had that dream once, but the more he followed other captains, good and bad, the more he'd known that weren't something he could ever do. "I ain't one people follow," he admitted. Felt wrong, admitting that he wasn't ever going to be what a man were supposed to be, but it was the truth. Jayne looked Mal right in the eye, refusing to flinch, even from a truth that was sounding a mite bit like weakness when he said it out loud. "I'm good at covering your back, ain't a better fighter on the crew, excepting River who ain't all that predictable, and I have a code. I ain't never shot anyone who wasn't looking to shoot me, I ain't never hit anyone who couldn't hit back, and I ain't never forced a woman. But I'm not a good man, and I'm not one that people follow."
"You are a good man. All that darkness, whisperings in your ear, and you still don't have the ugly thoughts that sometimes smother all the light," River immediately disagreed.
"Don't think you have the best judgment on whether I'm good or not, not considering you're comparing me against those Reaver thoughts you have bouncing around in that brain of yours." Jayne gave a dark laugh. "Guess compared to a Reaver, I might be good. But even then, I ain't a leader. I ain't a thinker, and we all know that sooner or later I'm going to get stupid again. A captain gets stupid and a crew and a ship dies. That ain't a responsibility I'll ever take," Jayne said firmly.
"You're a good man," River insisted. "And if you get stupid, I'll just sit on you."
"Jayne." Mal still was looking shaken up. "Think I misjudged you. Think I misjudged you quite a lot."
"Ain't like I'm asking for an apology," Jayne shrugged, uncomfortable at how much talking they were doing about things that should have stayed in his brain. Would have stayed in his brain if it weren't for River getting in there and pulling out things that he had buried. It were just hard to stay upset when she had an expression of child-like joy on her face, like she'd just found a new puppy. Even harder when that expression were turned on him.
"Feel like I owe you one anyways. Didn't--." Mal stopped. "If I hadn't been so gorram thick, I would have taken you in hand in a second, Jayne. Would've been proud to know you trusted me with all that."
"I told you," River said without taking her eyes off Jayne. "The captain messed up, but Jayne's mine now and I'm not giving him up."
Mal turned that sharp gaze to River now, studying her for a long time before frowning. "Yeah, well you can explain that to your brother because I plan to be as far from him as possible when he figures out that you're serious about keeping Jayne as a slave." Mal snorted. "Might be helping Kaylee clean the engines that day. Maybe checking the hull from space. But I figure if you're going to be a slave owner, it's your job to keep Jayne and Simon from killing each other."
"Yep," River agreed as she leaned over and put her head on Jayne's shoulder. "I plan to do less messing up than you did," she smiled sweetly at Mal who just sighed and shook his head.
Jayne just watched her, the woman who owned him, who knew that he had tried to sell her out to the feds. Slowly, she looked at him. "Should go now," she said as she stood up and held out her hand. In that second, if Jayne could've run, he would've. Instead, he wiped his mouth with his napkin and dropped it on the plate before getting up and taking River's hand.
Thoughts Colored Ugly 11/?
River/Jayne
Rated: ADULT
Warnings: Dom/sub, slavery, angst.
Previous parts
Jayne was still tender as he walked down the stairs the next morning. River weren't even flinching as she bounded down the steps, but at least she was showing her marks on her face. The jaw Jayne had hit was purple and swollen, but Jayne refused to feel one whit guilty, especially considering that every bone in his body ached. 'Course the ache was better than the one he had been living with. The feel of a body sore from fighting was familiar, not like the way he'd been sore from swinging a shovel and sleeping on a slave mat for three weeks.
River darted ahead and looked into the dining room and then came back to his side, slipping her arm through his as they headed into the dining room. She held a mite bit too tight for how sore he was, but it weren't worth complaining about, especially not when the smell of pancakes and bacon was drifting through the air calling him, and for once he had enough money in his pocket to order whatever he gorram wanted.
Walking into the dining room, he looked around and spotted Mal sitting in the corner, his back to the wall. He already had a plate, poking things with his fork.
"Food bad?" Jayne asked as he sat next to Mal in the corner. River sat with her back to the door, but then Jayne didn't figure she needed to see the door to actually keep an eye out for it. And even if she were distracted, him and Mal would notice trouble quick enough.
"Don't know. Hurt too much to eat," Mal answered with a dark look at River. She smiled sweetly.
"Ain't feeling springtime fresh myself," Jayne agreed as he stretched his back carefully.
"You both deserved it," River announced. Then she reached up and poked her bruised chin. "Me, too," she added. Mal gave a good snort and stabbed a big of chunk of sausage with his fork before shoving it in his mouth.
"We all messed up, and now it's all forgiven," River finished. She smiled at Jayne, and he had to admit that he was feeling forgiving, especially looking at the purple bruise on her face. Might be he felt just a little bad about that, especially knowing that she'd only been emasculating him cause she were jealous. Been a long time since anyone was jealous of him being interested in someone else. And remembering back to when the doctor first came on board and Kaylee liked him, Jayne had to admit that when he were jealous, he were a good sight meaner than River ever dreamed of being.
The server came and took their order, and got the money off Jayne before he disappeared again. "Don't feel like my insides are quite right," Mal complained as he chewed.
"You're bruised, not broken," River said without much sympathy. "I wouldn't break the captain. But I might have been a little angry." She looked around the room curiously, returning the stares of the other people without even acknowledging that she was sort of offering an apology.
"Just as long as you don't plan on making kicking my ass a regular feature of your spells," Mal sort of accepted.
"Wasn't planning on it. I wasn't thinking clear last night." River spent the entire time looking around the room and several people were now staring at them, some not even trying to hide their aggression.
Jayne sighed as a man from the next table saw River's multicolored face and promptly glared at him. Weren't worth hitting the man over a look, and Jayne didn't figure the captain or River would take kindly to him starting a fight with some dandy in a suit, not even a short fight, but it were aggravating. "Now everyone thinks I'm a woman beater. I ain't never beat on a woman who weren't trying to beat on me," he complained.
"I think River fits into the category of women trying to beat on you," Mal said slowly. "I ain't sure how this is supposed to work when we get back to the Serenity because if you two are going to be settling your problems with fists, I sure can't afford to replace what you'll be breaking."
"Wasn't figuring on this being a regular feature of the relationship," Jayne said without paying the captain much attention. If these dandies were going to glare at him, least he could do was glare right back until they looked away.
"So how do you plan to handle it if River decides to go whaling on you?"
Jayne looked at the captain and slammed his open hand down on the table hard enough that silverware bounced and the quiet murmurings of a dozen conversations all stopped. "Ain't some helpless sort with no say," Jayne growled. Mal looked at him for a long time as the conversations around them slowly restarted.
"I ain't never said you were helpless," Mal said in his verging on being pissed voice. "Obstreperous, annoying, and occasionally untrustworthy, but never helpless. But dealing with River... ain't an easy thing, and being a registered slave kinda presupposes that you don't have no say in it," Mal finally finished.
River just looked at them and smiled and didn't say anything. Turning around in her chair, she put her knees in the seat and grabbed a glass of juice from the tray of a passing waiter.
"River!" Mal hissed.
"Get me one while you're at it," Jayne suggested. River smiled and handed him the glass as she went back to watching the waiters. The one who got his juice stole spluttered a bit and then hurried away to serve his customers what was left. Jayne drank.
"This ain't the sort of place where you do that," Mal warned.
"I ain't the sort of man who cares. And River, not sure she can even wrap her mind around manners, leastwise not most of the time."
"I can this morning," she said over her shoulder. "Last night I wasn't really paying attention to manners or really thinking straight. I got caught up in my own head and said things I shouldn't be saying."
"I didn't notice you doing much talking at all," Mal muttered to her back because she was still watching and waiting for another glass of juice to come her way. The waiters were avoiding her now so she reached over and took the glass back from Jayne, drinking some before giving it back to him.
"I meant before I went down there. I said things and Jayne hit me and it's all okay now." River finally gave up on stealing another juice and dropped back into her seat.
"Ain't as simple as all that," Mal said slowly.
"I reckon it is," Jayne said. "She were acting a little high handed, and we had a meetin' of the minds."
"Wait. I'm confused. Jayne, is she cutting you loose?" Mal sat up and put his fork next to his plate.
"No!" River almost snarled as her smile instantly vanished. "He's mine and I'm keeping him."
Jayne flinched as she grabbed his arm hard enough to make his bruised flesh ache.
"River, you're hurting him," Mal said sharply as he sat forward.
"Ain't nothing," Jayne snorted. "Never knew you were so all-fired worried about me having some bruises. And speaking of, you need to stop acting like you got to protect me from River."
"Someone needs to." Mal crossed his arms as he looked from one of them to the other. "She were out of control last night."
"I was," River agreed before Jayne could say anything. "I got caught up in whispers and I wasn't thinking straight. Sometimes I can hear the whispers of other people's thoughts so clear that I can't find my way back. That's why I like space. All that black and no one's thoughts to push in on me. Just familiar minds sliding past making shadows."
"And it seems like you caught the worst of it last night, captain." Jayne did feel pleasure in pointing that out.
"Seems like half the menfolk at the docks caught the worst of that," Mal shot right back without even a trace of embarrassment.
"Gorram right," River agreed with a smile. Both men stopped and just looked at her. Jayne was finding it hard not to smile.
"Jayne, I do believe you're a bad influence on her," Mal commented as the waiter brought their food. Jayne immediately dug into the huge pile of pancakes. Wasn't but a couple of seconds before he was leaving syrup drips on the front of his new shirt.
"Figure I am," Jayne agreed with his mouth full as he tried to clean himself up with a napkin. "Were a brand new shirt, too," he complained.
"I'm not so young and innocent as you think," River said as she reached over with a damp napkin and helped. Cleaning the drips of syrup involved a bit more rubbing on River's part than Jayne figured were totally necessary, but he just sat and watched Mal's expression.
"Don't reckon I have any idea what you two are up to, but I can't say I think of either of you as all that innocent." Mal shoved half a sausage in his mouth.
"I plan to seduce Jayne," River offered without any guile, and for a second, Jayne thought they were going to lose the captain as he choked on his mouthful. River watched him with an expression of curiosity as he coughed and spluttered and finally drank so much water that a waiter came over to find out if they needed to call a doc. Mal's answer weren't even near decent.
Jayne just ate his pancakes and watched in amusement as Mal's temper finally drove the staff away. Fact was that Jayne didn't think he'd probably hold out too much longer, but it were easier having the confrontations with folk when he could claim his conscious was clear, at least clear on this count. This morning, walking up with a warm body in his arms, her curves pressed against him, for those hazy minutes before the rest of him woke up, his body didn't worry about River being too young or too crazy or too gorram unpredictable. For those hazy minutes, it only cared that for the first time in years, there were a woman who cared enough to still be in the bed in the morning. If she'd woken up before him, if she'd slipped her hand under his shirt and opened his pants... he couldn't claim that he weren't interested in her as a woman.
"Captain's all cranky," River announced softly as she started in on her eggs.
"Her seducin' me is more shocking than her raping me?" Jayne asked, mumbling the words around a mouthful of pancakes.
"Never said..."
River reached out and poked Mal's arm. "Thought it. Thought it loud once Jayne told me what you'd said. I wasn't listening to what I sounded like when I talked to you about Jayne, about him being mine, and you got yourself all twisted. Which is only fair because you got Jayne all twisted, but I hit you for that, so I'm not bringing up how you messed up again."
"Just once, wish I could understand one thing that you're gorram saying," Mal muttered before focusing on Jayne. "But her being the curious sort, and buying those chains and talking about you sleeping with her, weren't an unreasonable assumption to make, but seducing..." Mal trailed off unhappily.
"What?" Jayne demanded.
"Seducing is a mite bit more personal," Mal snapped back.
"It is personal." River's voice was small, confused. Mal sighed and looked at her.
"Maybe so, mei-mei, but seducing sounds like you're looking for something Jayne might not be able to give. He ain't the settling down sort."
"I reckon I'm settled down now seeing as how she owns the paper on me, unless I plan to have the law after me," Jayne shrugged.
"The law been after you half your life."
Jayne stopped and thought about that one because it suddenly occurred to him that he was feeling more law-abiding about following River than he had ever been about most laws. He just dismissed the thought. He weren't one for thinking on his own motives. "Yeah, but ain't like anyone actually cares about smugglers. A runaway slave, though..." Jayne shrugged his shoulders. "Ain't like to go anywhere until River gets tired of me and sets me free."
"I won't ever get tired of you. You're mine, I bought you fair and square. And if you get turned around and run, I'll just chain you up until you remember that I won't ever get tired of you." River's words, so matter of factly given, were pretty much the same thing she'd said the night before, but today they just weren't inspiring the panic. He still had that cautious feeling like he were standing up in a boat that weren't too steady, but not panic.
"And don't you go looking at me with pity," Jayne warned, poking his dinner knife in Mal's general direction.
"I just don't truck with slavery. Ain't right, her owning you. Ain't right for anyone to go owning a man. But the longer this goes, the less likely it seems that this is a passing spell of hers."
"Right, wrong... don't matter. Stopped waiting for the world to be fair a long time ago," Jayne pointed out. "Were ready to accept being a farm slave, and I reckon I don't need no pity for having an owner who wants to seduce me. Mind, I ain't interested in having the doc cut off my balls the first time I have a toothache, which is why I'm hesitating on the gettin' seduced part."
"He wou--" Mal stopped. "Niou-se. He'll want to, but he's a doctor. He'll treat you fair."
"If he thinks I were the one doing the seducing, and that the seducing came before her getting her ideas of making this permanent… well, I ain't assuming the doc's that good a' man," Jayne pointed out.
"Sees me as a little girl," River said unhappily. "Jayne's almost as bad, seeing me one minute and then seeing a little girl the next. He's right, I should have a bigger body, something that shows people I'm not that young or that innocent." River stuck the rest of her bacon in her mouth and crossed her legs up under her in her chair. "If I were bigger, he wouldn't have to worry about all of you blaming him for having thoughts," she finished unhappily.
This time it was Jayne's turn to choke. He grabbed his orange juice and drained it as Mal considered him with eyes about as sharp as any Jayne had ever seen. Cao, she couldn't go and say something like that in front of someone stupid. No, she got to go and say it in front of Mal, and from the expression, Mal weren't going to buy that it was just some random babble.
"Why would we blame Jayne? I mean, apart from him going and getting stupid and selling himself as a slave."
"I gorram lost a game, didn't sell myself," Jayne growled.
"If you'd sold yourself, you would have gotten something out of the deal. You done gambled yourself away for nothing," Mal pointed out coldly. Problem being that Jayne couldn't rightly disagree. "Ain't hearing the part where we would blame him for you takin' up with slavers, mei-mei."
"That's Jayne's. I told him I wouldn't take anything that he hasn't given me, and he hasn't given me that part of himself," she said seriously.
"Aiya! That works better if you don't go hinting at something being there," Jayne pointed out. River considered him seriously, and Jayne just had to sigh. He figured that he'd wanted Mal long enough that River couldn't rightly separate what he were thinking from what he'd said. Wanted Kaylee, wanted Mal, ended up with River, and somehow Jayne weren't sure yet whether the universe had done him a favor or played one more joke on him. River tilted her head, and Jayne just knew she was in his thoughts with him that second. "And it ain't fair, having you rattling around inside my head. Have gou shi in there that I don't rightly want to share," he sighed.
"She's reading you?" Mal asked.
"Were since before I left Serenity."
"That have something to do with her taking to introducing you to walls?"
"Might be."
Mal pushed back his empty plate and crossed his arm, waiting. Still sitting Indian-style on the chair, River looked back and forth between them.
"Ain't going to ask, but if this is something I need to know as captain, I assume you'd be telling me," Mal said quietly, and Mal's quiet voice always worried Jayne more than any yelling the captain did.
He remembered being locked in that air lock, the captain's voice over that radio as he explained why Jayne was going to die, explaining that Mal took it as a personal betrayal that Jayne had tried selling out the Tams, that Jayne had fucked up but good. That were a voice Jayne still sometimes heard in his nightmares. And part of him still didn't understand why Mal hadn't done it. Mal had led him to a quiet place in his own mind, a place where he could look at death and accept that he deserved it, and then Mal had gone and let him live. Still didn't make no sense to him.
"That never made him tell before," River interrupted the quiet that had fallen over their conversation, her eyes still focused on Jayne. Jayne put his fork down and glanced around the room. Weren't anything new to look at, and eventually he focused on Mal again, the captain's arms crossed as he waited with an expression that didn't leave much room for avoiding.
"Figure you already know I got ugly stuff in here, stuff she's been sorting through," Jayne said as he tapped his head.
"Ain't one to talk myself," Mal agreed quickly. "Got memories I wouldn't share lightly if I had a choice in the matter."
Right, this were the embarrassing part. Jayne took a deep breath. "Might be River got some of her ideas about slaving from me."
"From you?" Mal started shaking his head. "Jayne Cobb, I've knowed you to do some right lowdown things, but I ain't never seen you do anything disrespectful to someone who you saw as below you. I can't see you ever having thoughts of keeping slaves."
Jayne glared at the captain. If he were making this hard on Jayne just for orneryness, Jayne was going to hit him right here in the middle of breakfast. River's hand came up, resting on Jayne's arm and holding him in place.
"Ain't funny," Jayne growled.
Mal frowned. "I ain't funning with you, Jayne, but I'm starting to get mighty annoyed."
Jayne didn't answer, emotions pushing too hard as him, and just didn't have the words to say it. Wanted to hit Mal. If he hit Mal, the shame and fear and that terrible quiet nagging at the edge of his words would just vanish. River's hand on his arm tightened.
"You showed him," River said softly. She studied Jayne's face even though she was talking to Mal, her eyes seeing into him so that Jayne feel like one of Kaylee's engines with all the peering into his parts. She fell quiet for a minute before starting again, her voice whisper soft. "You showed him how to lay his strength down for you when he didn't know what were the right direction," River whispered, her voice taking on a rough edge. "He thought he were going to die, and figured that was okay because you told him he should, and it were a relief, not having to figure out the right choice, but knowin' that someone else would make the choice for him. Even if the choice were him dying, it would be better than never knowin' where to turn and never feeling sure anymore. But after you showed him how to not argue, you didn't ever show him that quiet place again. Got confusing." She stopped, her head tilted to the side as she studied Jayne.
Jayne held his breath. Were only the one time that he was so tired he was ready to accept death, and that was a memory he didn't rightly want River wandering around in. But if she had seen that, why hadn't she seen the betrayal? Jayne's guts twisted. He'd been all kinds of fool to think he could keep that from her. His chest ached with every breath.
"Jayne?" Mal asked.
"Seems like she keeps trying to get at my memories of Ariel," Jayne admitted slowly.
"Do she--" Mal stopped.
"I know. I always knew. But he lied to you captain. He didn't get stupid because of the money," River said softly. Jayne looked at her waiting for the anger or the accusations or for her to just get up and walk away and not come back. She just continued to study his face.
"Tsai boo shr," Mal breathed.
"You listened to his words and not his thoughts, and you never knew what you done," River accused Mal, tilting her head in his direction. "He got stupid--afraid for Kaylee, not knowing what I'd do, and I couldn't explain because words slid away like fish and I only told him he looked good in red, and you told him he should die, and he laid down for you. He laid down and accepted his death because you told him he should, and then you didn't never tell him anything that sure again."
"Wait." Mal sat up straight. "You mean--. Cao."
"So I ain't some gorram victim here," Jayne snapped. "She ain't done nothing that didn't come out of my own thoughts, just ain't never had those thoughts about her. Bad enough she looks 'bout twelve, but she were also the one who gutted me, before I even done nothing to deserve it."
"You had fantasies about getting your ass kicked?" Mal sounded shell-shocked. "If I'd known that, I suppose we could have solved this long time ago," Mal finally breathed softly.
"Ain't lookin' to lay down for anyone," Jayne growled. This were beyond embarrassing. This were right up there with mortification. "Wanted to find someone who I could fight with, someone just as strong as me who wouldn't take a runner when I went and done something stupid, because we all know I don't make the best decisions."
"And the captain's an idiot because he didn't see what was right in front of him since Ariel, but too late now because Jayne's mine and I'm not selling." River tightened her grip on Jayne's arm.
Mal didn't seem capable of doing much except blinking. "Ai-yah. Tyen-ah. That what she's had her knickers in a twist over? Me not taking you in hand?"
River glared at him. "Tell, don't tell--you don't ever make up your mind and it makes things all twisty," River complained. Mal just had an expression like some stranger had walked up and slapped him.
"Merciless hell. Weren't never in my mind that you needed that, Jayne." Mal leaned back. "I always figured I'd lose you one day when you had a stake together. Figured you for getting your own ship and your own crew."
Jayne thought about that. He'd had that dream once, but the more he followed other captains, good and bad, the more he'd known that weren't something he could ever do. "I ain't one people follow," he admitted. Felt wrong, admitting that he wasn't ever going to be what a man were supposed to be, but it was the truth. Jayne looked Mal right in the eye, refusing to flinch, even from a truth that was sounding a mite bit like weakness when he said it out loud. "I'm good at covering your back, ain't a better fighter on the crew, excepting River who ain't all that predictable, and I have a code. I ain't never shot anyone who wasn't looking to shoot me, I ain't never hit anyone who couldn't hit back, and I ain't never forced a woman. But I'm not a good man, and I'm not one that people follow."
"You are a good man. All that darkness, whisperings in your ear, and you still don't have the ugly thoughts that sometimes smother all the light," River immediately disagreed.
"Don't think you have the best judgment on whether I'm good or not, not considering you're comparing me against those Reaver thoughts you have bouncing around in that brain of yours." Jayne gave a dark laugh. "Guess compared to a Reaver, I might be good. But even then, I ain't a leader. I ain't a thinker, and we all know that sooner or later I'm going to get stupid again. A captain gets stupid and a crew and a ship dies. That ain't a responsibility I'll ever take," Jayne said firmly.
"You're a good man," River insisted. "And if you get stupid, I'll just sit on you."
"Jayne." Mal still was looking shaken up. "Think I misjudged you. Think I misjudged you quite a lot."
"Ain't like I'm asking for an apology," Jayne shrugged, uncomfortable at how much talking they were doing about things that should have stayed in his brain. Would have stayed in his brain if it weren't for River getting in there and pulling out things that he had buried. It were just hard to stay upset when she had an expression of child-like joy on her face, like she'd just found a new puppy. Even harder when that expression were turned on him.
"Feel like I owe you one anyways. Didn't--." Mal stopped. "If I hadn't been so gorram thick, I would have taken you in hand in a second, Jayne. Would've been proud to know you trusted me with all that."
"I told you," River said without taking her eyes off Jayne. "The captain messed up, but Jayne's mine now and I'm not giving him up."
Mal turned that sharp gaze to River now, studying her for a long time before frowning. "Yeah, well you can explain that to your brother because I plan to be as far from him as possible when he figures out that you're serious about keeping Jayne as a slave." Mal snorted. "Might be helping Kaylee clean the engines that day. Maybe checking the hull from space. But I figure if you're going to be a slave owner, it's your job to keep Jayne and Simon from killing each other."
"Yep," River agreed as she leaned over and put her head on Jayne's shoulder. "I plan to do less messing up than you did," she smiled sweetly at Mal who just sighed and shook his head.
Jayne just watched her, the woman who owned him, who knew that he had tried to sell her out to the feds. Slowly, she looked at him. "Should go now," she said as she stood up and held out her hand. In that second, if Jayne could've run, he would've. Instead, he wiped his mouth with his napkin and dropped it on the plate before getting up and taking River's hand.
