Last Mangled Spells bit

[lit_gal]

Mangled Spells
Spander

Okay this is for lusciousxander, but I think I have to apologize. She wanted girl teasing, but Xander's only a girl when s/he gets too worked up, which didn't match the whole idea of girl-bonding, so this sort of turned into something else.

Oh, and who fed my damn ficlet muse the steroids? SERIOUSLY! I used to be able to do a page or two. This is like full blown story here. Oi!

"I'm really thinking this is not such a good idea. Can't we just leave a note and run?" Xander asked as she fingered the edge of her sweater. Thank god she could control the switch back to male once she switched because if she turned into a boy in these jeans, certain body parts would never recover.

"Oi, I'm not running from a slayer," Spike complained. "But if you want ta run, I'd have to follow you, now wouldn't I?" he added after a second.

"I'm not running as much as avoiding. Avoiding for good cause which is not the same as avoiding with freaking," Xander said.

"Oh yeah, and the fact you're in a skirt again… you aren't freaked at all," Faith snorted as she sprawled across the couch. "But with the latest big-bad long-gone, I'm ready to blow this burg."

"Not in a skirt," Xander pointed out. She'd gotten dressed before Spike could pull out the dresses he loved. Some days, Xander had nightmares that Spike would try to get Xander in a dress when Xander wasn't all girlified. Yeah, Xander might be the one with the power of foot-putting-down, but Spike and his smirk and his leer and his hundred years of practice with manipulation definitely got his way most of the time.

"Right, so L.A., New York, Cleveland, or Nepal?" Xander asked the pair.

"Have good memories of New York," Spike said.

"Giles did say there are lots of vamps there," Xander mused.

"Anything more interesting that vamps?" Faith asked as she looked up from her book on medieval weaponry.

"Not bloody likely. The place is so overrun with vamps and vamp hunters that most other demons steer clear."

"Giles said L.A. is pretty nasty with the nasties, and Cleveland and Nepal both have Hellmouths," Xander said hopefully, and since when did he choose future cities based on how many demons were crawling around the city?

"Any idea where Angel is heading?" Faith asked.

"Why? Are we looking to stay near him or avoid him?" Xander asked. Spike snorted, which really wasn't much help in the clarification department.

"Hey, who says I'm going with? If you idiots end up in Cleveland, I'm bailing… Hellmouth or no Hellmouth." Faith grunted.

"Not bloody likely," Spike snarled as he went into game face and snarled at her.

"I'm shaking," Faith said as she held out her hand and mimicked a tremor.

"Hey, no, no, no, no. There will be no more breaking of furniture. If you two want to go at each other, take it outside and break a tree or something," Xander insisted.

"Yeah, don't break the furniture, you don't want your owner getting all cranky," Faith smiled at Spike evilly.

"Oi, someone needs a reminder of who's in charge of who. Besides, been a while since I tasted slayer blood," Spike smirked at her.

"Yeah, well you aren't even in charge of you."

"But I'm bloody well in charge of you, slayer."

"Whatever," Faith said with a roll of her eyes, not even trying to dispute it. Xander just closed her eyes and wondered when her life had gotten so weird.

"Hey, how about we get back on topic?" Xander pleaded.

"You mean how you're totally freaking out at the very thought of telling Buffy and Willow that you're bailing?" Faith asked, and that girl had a serious evil streak for poking at that particular sore spot. Spike must have sensed something because this time his growl wasn't playful. Faith fell silent.

"Not bailing. Just looking for some place where we're actually needed," Xander argued, and she felt tears threaten. She always seemed to cry so much easier when she did the girl thing, but considering the women she normally hung with, she was not even going to think of telling them that girl hormones seemed so much more crying-prone.

"The chit's got Cornbread and Cracker now, she seems to have all the back up she needs, especially since blowing up the Initiative took out most of the demon population. So, if we're looking for new hunting grounds, it's not bloody bailing on anyone." Spike's words, hot and angry, were for Faith, but his hands skimmed over Xander's curves, stroking and soothing. Xander let herself sag back into that support, and for the thousandth time, she wondered why Spike was so willing to follow her lead when she really didn't seem so good with the leading.

"Hey, Xan, you know I didn't mean anything by it," Faith came close to apologizing.

"I'm just a little freaked; not your fault."

"The girl parts kinda gave away that you're not five by five with this." Faith's voice lost that sarcastic edge. "But after we have a girl's night, you can make a few decisions. After all, have you even really talked to Buffy since Riley and Graham 'fessed up to spying on us for the other side?" Faith asked.

"Talked as in 'pass the butter, please'… sure," Xander tried to joke, but his funny bone was obviously unfunny.

"Pet," Spike said softly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Xander insisted as she patted her vampire's leg.

"Well, you'd better get your ass in gear or Buffy and Willow are going to show up with the movies on our doorstep," Faith pointed out, and Xander glanced at the clock. Oh yeah, time was definitely up.

"Come on then, Faith," Xander said with a false cheerfulness. From the way Faith and Spike looked at him, he hadn't fooled anyone. And from the look of horror on Faith's face, she didn't exactly want in on the movie night / bonding-fest. She had probably planned sneaking out and doing the nasty with Graham, and as long as Xander never again had to walk in on them in the basement, he didn't really care where they went to do the dirty. However, tonight he needed the moral support, and as much as Xander loved Spike, Spike plus Buffy in the same room was big with the unsupportive.

"Fuck. Don't even ask me to spend my night playing nice."

Spike laughed nastily.

"I hope you know that I'm not playing nice tonight," Faith complained as she pushed herself up from the couch.

"Do you ever play nice?" Xander asked as she got up to follow.

"I can play so nice you'd never forget," Faith said with a wiggle of her ass.

"Gaaahh! No. Stop planting naughty thoughts," Xander complained as she covered her eyes.

"Yeah, that's my job, innit?" Spike asked a scant second before naughty hands groped Xander while she still had her hands over her face.

"Hey! No naughty touching. God, I have to go face Buffy and Willow." Xander pulled away, and Spike let go with a laugh. Xander let her hands down long enough to glare at Spike who looked sorry in the not at all sort of way.

"Movie night or sex with the vampire, make up your mind so I can make my plans," Faith complained from behind, and Xander turned to the slayer.

"Movie night. Definitely movie night. Maybe movie night," Xander said as she headed for the door.

"Have fun, ducks," Spike called. Faith's answer wasn't even a little bit decent.



Xander sat in the middle of the couch, Buffy crossed-legged on the couch on one side, Willow lay on her shoulder on the other side. Faith had commandeered the chair and she sat on it sideways, her legs thrown up over the arm as she stared at the ceiling instead of the television.

"Okay, why does that guy think he can just sail in with flowers and think she'll just forgive him?" Willow asked as she pointed to the man on the television. Since none of them actually spoke Indian or Hindu or Beejee, or whatever the characters were speaking, Xander wasn't entirely sure he was trying to get her to forgive him. Maybe the flowers just meant the man had found a good sale on roses.

"Men always do that," Buffy agreed. "They think that just because they suck up, we're supposed to just forget all the crappy stuff they've done."

"Hey, not big with the man-bashing. In case you've forgotten, I'm a guy most of the time," Xander protested.

"Yeah, but you're like a guy-lite." Willow poked Xander in the side.

"Yeah, exactly, like a guy, only not." Buffy pointed out. "And look at that. He really thinks some singing and dancing makes up for whatever he did. Men."

"If he wants back on her good side, he should offer her something a little more interesting, maybe a lap dance," Faith said without looking over. She just kept staring at the little white dots on the white ceiling.

"Ew," complained Buffy. Willow's face scrunched up too. "Seconding the ew."

"Oh please. That's what makes a woman put up with all a man's shit," Faith snorted.

"Okay, gay here. I'm not really sure this applies to me."

"Come on, B, tell me that Riley didn't make up for spying by giving you a good tumble in bed."

"Okay, that's just disturbo," Buffy wrinkled her nose. "No more disturbo. So, since it's a girls' night, what girly thing should we do?"

"Maybe we should paint Xander's toenails," Faith teased.

"No. No, there will be absolutely no painting of fingernails, toenails, or any other nails on my body," Xander protested.

"But Xander, it'll be fun," Willow pouted, and Xander closed his eyes against the power of Willow-pout.

"No. no. no. no. And once more for emphasis, no."

"Please?"

"No."

"I have this great new shade, Iceberg Pink," Buffy added. She reached over to the end table and then playfully waved a bottle in front of Xander, who just glared.

"I'm in hell. This is guy-hell," Xander moaned as he let his head fall back to the couch and stared at the ceiling.

"You're not a guy, as far as I can see. You want me to reach in and double check for you?" Faith asked.

"And that would be a bigger NO than the toenail polish," Xander said as he tilted his head toward the smirking slayer. "If you're feeling all horny, why don't you go find Graham?"

"Boy's alright for a tumble, but this is about having a girl's night, isn't it?" Faith said as she reached across the gap between the couch and the chair and stole an enormous handful of popcorn from Willow's bowl.

"Hey, you don't need to hang around here. We're going to be boring all night. Just cheesy popcorn and cheesier movies," Buffy assured her. "I told Riley to take time off, so Graham's probably just patrolling. You could find yourself a nice soft hill."

Xander looked over because that was bitchy, even considering that Faith and Buffy careers out of being to each other.

"Not leaving Xander to go chase after Graham," Faith said. "Some of us know where to put our loyalties."

Oh yeah, that was Faith's extra-special level of bitchiness showing up. Buffy wrapped her fist around the fingernail polish and glared.

"Riley and Graham helped take the Initiative down," Buffy said tightly.

"Which is actually more than I actually did," Xander pointed out. Willow pulled away and gave Xander her best horrified expression along with a slap with the back of her hand.

"You didn't do nothing. You helped. You provided the important back up and first aid." Faith snorted at Willow's comment, and the witch blushed just a little.

"I was exiled to fray-adjacent land," Xander complained.

"You were helping out the best you could," Buffy interjected. "When did this turn into question-the-slayer? I distinctly remember using the words 'night off' and 'relax.' Do you remember those words? Because I remember those words."

"So, the best use of my help was carrying the Gatorade and bandages?"

"And the antiseptic and the magical supplies and being the person to help any people who might have gotten hurt, but no one got hurt, so I can kinda see how you might think you weren't helpful, but you were. If someone had been hurt, you would have been right there with the bandages and the antiseptic and the Gatorade..." Willow trailed off.

"That's pathetic, even for you lot," Faith snorted.

"This is supposed to be about us pulling back together as a team, and you're just being ugly," Buffy said as she glared around the room, and if Xander hadn't already been a girl, that look would definitely have sent him into girlsville. He could feel his guts tighten. "And instead of celebrating Adam being a pile of goo and nuts and bolts like a normal person, instead you have to go all weird and complainy."

"Yeah, because I'm not of the normal," Xander breathed. Okay, he was man enough to admit that stung a little, not that he was a man right now.

"Hey, no one said anything about your gender, which is totally not your fault. Let's not get cranky here," Willow intervened.

Buffy sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Xander. I love you; you know that. This was bad, really bad, and I needed Angel and Spike and Faith with me to take Adam down."

"I get that Buff," Xander answered softly. "I know I'm the guy who showed up to play cavalry with a rock. I know my big move to save Willow when Spike kidnapped her was to get turned into a girl and dragged off to France. I'm not the back-you-up guy."

"Don't even go there," Faith immediately snapped, throwing herself out of the chair so that she stood in front of Xander with her hands on her hips. "You could stake vampires just as well as Captain Cardboard, but she left you behind while trusting Riley and Graham to keep the bad guys off our backs.

"Stay out of this, Faith," Buffy warned.

"Not even, B. You're the queen bee around here, but that doesn't mean that your shit doesn't stink. If I'm going to have someone at my back, I'll pick Xan every damn time."

"I had to--"

"Act like a fucking princess?" Faith mocked her, and Buffy sat up stiffly.

"Hey, movie night. Fun. Popcorn. Mocking of the stupid plots. This is not on the agenda," Willow interrupted.

"I'm starting to wonder what your agenda is," Faith said as she narrowed her eyes at Willow. Willow's mouth dropped open.

"Faith," Xander snapped, standing up so that she stood boobie to boobie with the slayer, and this was much more effective without the boobies. "Willow and Buffy are doing what they think is right."

Faith's jaw tightened and for a half second, Xander didn't think she'd back down. After all, Spike wasn't here to enforce the rules when Xan got around to actually making one.

"Exactly. We're doing what's right," Buffy added. Xander spun on her.

"I didn't say you did the right thing, I said you did what you thought was right," Xander corrected her. Buffy snapped her mouth shut.

"Xander," Willow said in an injured voice. Xander closed her eyes as she struggled to not back down at the sound of that need.

"Willow, I love you, but you guys just don't really see me."

"Xander," Buffy tried to interrupt, and Xander stepped back, holding up hand to hold off the excuses.

"I'm not the same person I was in high school,"

"We never said--"

"But you thought it," Xander interrupted Buffy.

"Not so much with the thinking it. In high school, you were a boy. At least, for most of high school, you were a boy."

"So, I can't fight because sometimes I'm a girl?" Xander looked around the room. Buffy had her mouth stubbornly set, Willow concentrated on staring at the television, and Faith just looked as confused as Xander felt.

"What happens if you switch to a girl in the middle of a fight?" Buffy demanded.

"Then I try not to break a nail when I stake the vampires," Xander quipped. Buffy's mouth tightened more.

"Oh, I know you are not going there," Faith said as she shook her head and backed away.

"I'm thinking of Xander's best interests, unlike some people who put him in danger," Buffy snapped toward Faith.

"I respect the man to take care of himself."

"And I love him enough to protect him... her... whatever," Buffy shook her head in frustration.

"Hey, standing right here, people!" Xander interrupted the potential cat fight. "Buffy, I know you love me, and I really do love you too, but I'm not incompetent."

"I never said..."

"You sure implied it enough, girlfriend," Faith said as she dropped back down into the chair.

"And what with actions speaking louder than words, you're fairly well shouting that you don't trust me at your back even when you say that you do." The minute Xander said the words, she felt the truth of them. She loved Buffy, Buffy loved her, but neither Buffy nor Willow could get past the whole 'we have superpowers, so we're better' roadblock. It was like having two mother hens who refused to notice that the chick had grown up, well, except that he wasn't a chick--at least not a literal one--and he was the same age. Actually, no, he was older.

"This is breaking the rules of movie night. We're supposed to all pull back together. We fight, we get stressed, Buffy kills the bad guy, and then we bond. It's a rule," Willow whispered so softly Xander almost didn't hear her.

"I love you guys, but I'm leaving town," Xander said quietly.

"What?" Buffy nearly choked.

"Oh god. No. No, you cannot do this during movie night. There will be none of this during movie night. There will be popcorn and movies and bonding," Willow said, her frustration clear in her clipped words.

"Willow, I love you," Xander said.

"Then just stop before you say something that we'll both regret tomorrow," she begged.

"I wish I could say I'm going to regret this, but I'm not. You guys are doing good. And now that Riley and Graham are staying, you guys will be doing even better."

"So, this is about Riley?" Buffy demanded.

"Okay, did you listen to anything I just said?" Xander asked in dismay.

"Not like she ever has in the past," Faith said with a snort.

"Okay, officially not helping," Xander hissed at her, and she rolled her eyes.

"You did this," Buffy said as she turned on Faith. "You have been telling him we didn't value him. Xander, she is just jealous of what the three of us have, and she always has been."

"I don't have to be jealous. Xan stood by me when the council wanted to throw my ass in some cell. Xan and Spike and Angel, so I'm not worried about keeping them as friends."

"Hey!" Xander blurted. "No one has to worry about friends. Friends good. We're all friends. I just..." Xander took a deep breath. "I just need to be friends from a little farther away. Far enough away that I'm not quite so smothered."

"We don't smother... we just love you." From the way Willow's voice trailed off at the end, she got it, and Xander hated that her face collapsed into guilt. "I didn't mean to smother."

"Willow, I love you. I just need to have a life, and that needs to be somewhere away from the Hellmouth." Xander stood, and Faith already stood at the door, holding it open.

"But Xander," Buffy said, all the anger and brashness washed out in open grief that made Xander feel like the biggest heel in the world.

"I just need to find myself, and I would so never leave you if you needed me, and you really don't, and if you do, you know you can call me, and I will drop everything to come back," Xander hurried to assure her. "It's just not good for me to be here."

"I think we all need a break.  Let's head home, Xan," Faith suggested, and since when did Faith play peacemaker?

"No. No, we need to talk about this. We can change, can't we?" Willow insisted as she turned to Buffy with her 'back me up or suffer my pissiness for the next month' glare.

"I love you guys like you are, no changing needed. Just a little space," Xander said sadly as he stood up.

"But, Xander," Willow tried one last time.

"I'll let you know where we end up and I'll call with an address and phone number and emergency number and cross-streets," Xander babbled, anxious to cut off any more argument.

Xander hurried through the door, and Faith pulled it closed behind him. Okay, that had officially not gone well. Xander half expected to hear Buffy and Willow come bursting out the house after them, but the chirping of crickets provided the only noise as he walked toward his own home.

"That's why we follow you, girlfriend," Faith said as she slipped an arm around Xander's waist. "You always do the right thing for the right reasons. It's more than most of us can say."