Sorry for the wait. Things have been a bit crazy. I think being out in the field in a tense situation is a great start. It's exciting and gives you a chance to highlight everyone's magical talents. I'm going to be the nudge here though and say I'm still feeling the tension and conflict more than the family. From this bit I'd have very little clue why Darren wants to stay in a situation that makes him so uncomfortable.
Just as a suggestion, as you mention each person have a few words about who that person is to Darren or the team. Such as Davina is the den mother trying to keep everything by the book, or that Rima is like a little sister. It will also help tag the various characters. You're introducing a lot of information very fast. Slow things down just a touch and give as many hooks to each person as you can. There are a lot of characters to keep straight. It's still Davina and Rima who are the least defined. That can be okay, backgrounding a few at the beginning may help but there has to be a reason Darren feels like these people are family.
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Date: 2015-12-20 12:29 am (UTC)Just as a suggestion, as you mention each person have a few words about who that person is to Darren or the team. Such as Davina is the den mother trying to keep everything by the book, or that Rima is like a little sister. It will also help tag the various characters. You're introducing a lot of information very fast. Slow things down just a touch and give as many hooks to each person as you can. There are a lot of characters to keep straight. It's still Davina and Rima who are the least defined. That can be okay, backgrounding a few at the beginning may help but there has to be a reason Darren feels like these people are family.