Flights of Fancy

He really is confused. He's having to sort out what parts of his thoughts are his and which parts are training, and which parts he wants to keep and what he needs to shed. Spike understand this, and I think he understood that if he tried to bully Xander, Xander would have accepted that and in the short run would have been happy. HOwever, in the long run, the guilt and fear would have just kept fester. Like Shakatany said, the boil had to get lanced, and the pus had to drain.