Overdue III (NCIS)
Apr. 23rd, 2011 07:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lit_galOverdue
Part three of three
Things have changed for the NCIS group, and Tony is the one left struggling to find some long overdue balance in his life.
Rated: SAFE
Genre: Pre-slash
Pairing: Tony/Gibbs
Warnings: AU starting with “Aliyah”, therapy, and calling Gibbs out on some of his less attractive character traits.
http://lit-gal.livejournal.com/380875.html (part one)
http://lit-gal.livejournal.com/381038.html (part two)
Tony stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. When he’d gone to Peru, he’d pretty much shoved everything into storage. Now he was having to sort it all. Mice had found his old couch, so that was out. His CD and DVD collection was in good shape, one box of clothes had a corner chewed out by mice, and everything smelled like the inside of an exterminator’s shop, but for the most part, it had survived in tact. All his suits needed cleaning, but after eight months in storage, he’d have to spring for that cost even if the storage facility hadn’t called in the exterminator.
“Hey.”
Tony spun around at the voice, his hand going to his waistband where he didn’t have a weapon. Gibbs’ eyebrows went up.
Tony’s heart started slowing as he realized it was only his… well, he wasn’t sure what Gibbs was anymore. “Gibbs.”
“Tony,” Gibbs returned in the same tone of voice. Tony recognized this mood. This was Gibbs feeling uncomfortable about something. Maybe he’d heard about Vance’s little rant down in Peru. Tony didn’t believe everything Vance said… didn’t believe half of it, even… but he did believe that Vance was describing the world as he saw it. It was a dark and pessimistic place where Gibbs was a bigger bastard than ever, but that was Vance’s reality.
“How’d you know I was here?” Tony asked, going for the easy question instead of the big one. He wasn’t ready to deal with any “whys.”
“Fornell told me.”
“Fornell?” Tony frowned. “How’d he know?”
Gibbs shrugged. The silence dragged on. “Ziva transferred to LA.”
“I got the e-mail,” Tony said. That had come through the day before Tony had decided he needed to quit. Maybe that’s why he did quit; he knew that either Gibbs would ask for him back and he’d have to come back into the same dysfunctional relationship, or Gibbs wouldn’t ask for him. Tony wasn’t sure how he would deal with it if Gibbs had a chance to get him back and he didn’t.
“Vance shouldn’t have accepted your resignation. He knew I was fixing things,” Gibbs said. Most people would say that he looked calm and in control, but Tony could see the anger under the surface.
“Vance told me you’d requested me back before giving me one last chance to withdraw the resignation.”
“He did?” Gibbs took a step into the storage locker. “But then, why?”
And the “whys” were the territory Tony had hoped to avoid. However, he’d gotten over any fantasy that life would give him what he wanted.
“Things were too complicated. I should have moved on earlier,” Tony said.
“Because of Ziva?”
Part of Tony wanted to agree with that. The lie would let the last threads of friendship remain between him and Gibbs. Or maybe it wasn’t friendship but just simple respect. Either way, Tony knew the lie would maintain a balance between them. He also knew that the lies were costing him too much.
“I stopped listening to my own instincts because I was trying too hard to make you happy,” Tony admitted. “I needed to be away from you.”
Gibbs’ mouth almost fell open, and guilt welled up in Tony’s soul.
“You’re a great investigator and I learned a lot. I will always respect you, Gibbs. I just can’t work for you anymore. I have my own style and my own talents, and I’ve been trying to make myself fit into your world when I’m ready to be in my own.”
“I never told you to stop being yourself,” Gibbs said.
“I know.”
“I wouldn’t want you to do that.”
“I know that, too,” Tony agreed.
“Then… why can’t you come back?”
“Do you mean other than the fact that Vance wouldn’t rehire me?” Tony leaned against his dresser and looked at Gibbs.
“He’ll rehire you,” Gibbs said darkly. Tony actually believed that. He’d once told Dr. Verde that Gibbs was a shark, and he still thought that. Gibbs wasn’t infallible, and he needed therapy as much as Tony, but he was the great white shark circling the ocean prey. Tony figured that at least some of Vance’s hatred had to come from the fact that he knew he couldn’t compete with Gibbs. The rest probably did come out of the fact that Gibbs played games with the law too many times. Hell, McGeek actually got used to hacking the CIA.
“Maybe he shouldn’t,” Tony said gently. He didn’t need Gibbs going on some crusade in his name. “I have an interview at Hadak Security. Tom says I have the job if I want it, but I need to see what kind of resources they’re offering.”
“Doing what? Playing body guard?” Gibbs demanded. Tony remembered a day not too long ago when that tone of voice would have shredded his confidence. These days, it took more to shred him. Gibbs’ voice left a little ding in the armor, but Tony could survive that.
“No, investigating internal security breaches. When the police and the feds can’t figure out who ‘done it,’ it’ll be my job to step in. Hadak has a lot of corporate clients, and they rack up a lot of corporate crimes. They even have a few unsolved assaults, a couple of rapes, and one high-profile murder of a CFO outstanding.”
“So, you’re really leaving NCIS.”
“I already left.”
“And you’re letting the resignation stand?” Gibbs looked genuinely surprised by that.
“It’s for the best, Gibbs.”
“I never meant for Peru to be permanent. I was trying to give Ziva time to recover.”
Tony took a deep breath and really studied Gibbs. Dr. Verde thought that Gibbs had cared more about a woman’s pain than a man’s, and that was possible, but Tony suddenly saw another possibility. “Gibbs,” he said slowly, “did you know that the Israelis physically restrained me when I was in the car ahead of you?”
“They what?” Gibbs’ backbone went ramrod straight.
“They restrained me and then spent at least half the drive groping me just to remind me that I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“Shit. Tony, I would have broken their arms, and I don’t care what Vance would have said.” From the tone of voice, Gibbs wasn’t exaggerating. “Is that why you’re leaving NCIS? We can go down and file a formal complaint right now. We can demand that the State Department file a demarche.”
“For me?” Tony laughed. “I doubt they’d go that far. But my point is that I had started expecting you to know everything, Gibbs. I didn’t use good judgment.”
“So, you’re leaving because I didn’t protect you from that?” Gibbs didn’t normally look so confused.
“I’m leaving because I had reached a point where I had unrealistic expectations about what you could and couldn’t do. Ziva laid me flat on my back and put me back in an Israeli hospital, and I found myself resentful that you didn’t stop her. You weren’t even there, Gibbs. How the hell could you stop her when you weren’t there? I lost all perspective because I got used to you fixing things.”
“So, I’m the reason you’re leaving,” Gibbs summarized, his voice flat.
“I’m leaving because I fell in love with you and I couldn’t get my head around the fact that you were just one more boss,” Tony said softly. He didn’t know what to expect. Maybe Gibbs would turn and walk away. Maybe he’d demand Tony repeat what he’d said, and there was no way Tony was repeating that. He’d been practicing that sentence on the plane all the way from Peru on the off-chance he might get to use it, but that was a one-time only sort of statement. He couldn’t say it again. For a long time, Gibbs just blinked at him.
“Gibbs,” Tony said wearily, “I have a lot of sorting to do. Maybe we can talk later.” Tony took a step forward to urge Gibbs to leave, but Gibbs didn’t move. Instead he reached up and let his fingertips rest against the line of Tony’s jaw.
“I sent you away because I wanted to break rule number twelve. I couldn’t, Tony. I broke that rule for Jenny, and she died for it. The woman who tracked her down… I should have confirmed the kill fifteen years ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to question my lover. I couldn’t be your boss and let myself care too much about you. I couldn’t get you killed.” Gibbs stopped, and Tony could hear the sharp edge of emotion in his words.
“It wasn’t because Ziva was a woman? Because you worried more about her pain than mine?”
“No, Tony,” Gibbs said firmly. “No. She can take care of herself, but I had to get the two of you away from each other, and I… rule number six.”
“Never apologize,” Tony said.
“Then listen closely because I’m not repeating this,” Gibbs said. “I’m sorry I ever sent you away. I should have told you why I did it. I should have told you that I was worried that Ziva would find a way to hurt you back. All I can do is tell you now what I should have told you then. I can’t do anything else to fix this.” Gibbs’ hand shifted until his palm rested against Tony’s cheek.
Tony reached up to lay his own hand on top of Gibbs’. “That’s good enough for me,” Tony said, leaning closer. “And rule twelve doesn’t apply. I don’t work for you anymore, Jethro.”
Gibbs took him up on his hint, leaning in to meet him with a kiss. It was a short kiss, little more than a soft promise between two souls. Then Tony leaned back and Gibbs let his hand fall to his side before he looked around the storage unit.
“So, if I help shift all this crap, do you think you’d have time for a late lunch before that interview of yours?”
Tony smiled. “That sounds perfect.”
Gibbs smiled back, and Tony’s heart thumped faster at the expression. God he’d missed Gibbs’ smiles. “Just tell me which box to move first, and let’s get this done,” Gibbs said.
“You grab the DVD’s and I’ll get the dishes,” Tony said grabbing one box while Gibbs grabbed another. Watching Gibbs carry the box out to the waiting moving van Tony had rented, Tony figured this was a good start. If they were both really lucky, it might even be a great one.
Part three of three
Things have changed for the NCIS group, and Tony is the one left struggling to find some long overdue balance in his life.
Rated: SAFE
Genre: Pre-slash
Pairing: Tony/Gibbs
Warnings: AU starting with “Aliyah”, therapy, and calling Gibbs out on some of his less attractive character traits.
http://lit-gal.livejournal.com/380875.html (part one)
http://lit-gal.livejournal.com/381038.html (part two)
Tony stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. When he’d gone to Peru, he’d pretty much shoved everything into storage. Now he was having to sort it all. Mice had found his old couch, so that was out. His CD and DVD collection was in good shape, one box of clothes had a corner chewed out by mice, and everything smelled like the inside of an exterminator’s shop, but for the most part, it had survived in tact. All his suits needed cleaning, but after eight months in storage, he’d have to spring for that cost even if the storage facility hadn’t called in the exterminator.
“Hey.”
Tony spun around at the voice, his hand going to his waistband where he didn’t have a weapon. Gibbs’ eyebrows went up.
Tony’s heart started slowing as he realized it was only his… well, he wasn’t sure what Gibbs was anymore. “Gibbs.”
“Tony,” Gibbs returned in the same tone of voice. Tony recognized this mood. This was Gibbs feeling uncomfortable about something. Maybe he’d heard about Vance’s little rant down in Peru. Tony didn’t believe everything Vance said… didn’t believe half of it, even… but he did believe that Vance was describing the world as he saw it. It was a dark and pessimistic place where Gibbs was a bigger bastard than ever, but that was Vance’s reality.
“How’d you know I was here?” Tony asked, going for the easy question instead of the big one. He wasn’t ready to deal with any “whys.”
“Fornell told me.”
“Fornell?” Tony frowned. “How’d he know?”
Gibbs shrugged. The silence dragged on. “Ziva transferred to LA.”
“I got the e-mail,” Tony said. That had come through the day before Tony had decided he needed to quit. Maybe that’s why he did quit; he knew that either Gibbs would ask for him back and he’d have to come back into the same dysfunctional relationship, or Gibbs wouldn’t ask for him. Tony wasn’t sure how he would deal with it if Gibbs had a chance to get him back and he didn’t.
“Vance shouldn’t have accepted your resignation. He knew I was fixing things,” Gibbs said. Most people would say that he looked calm and in control, but Tony could see the anger under the surface.
“Vance told me you’d requested me back before giving me one last chance to withdraw the resignation.”
“He did?” Gibbs took a step into the storage locker. “But then, why?”
And the “whys” were the territory Tony had hoped to avoid. However, he’d gotten over any fantasy that life would give him what he wanted.
“Things were too complicated. I should have moved on earlier,” Tony said.
“Because of Ziva?”
Part of Tony wanted to agree with that. The lie would let the last threads of friendship remain between him and Gibbs. Or maybe it wasn’t friendship but just simple respect. Either way, Tony knew the lie would maintain a balance between them. He also knew that the lies were costing him too much.
“I stopped listening to my own instincts because I was trying too hard to make you happy,” Tony admitted. “I needed to be away from you.”
Gibbs’ mouth almost fell open, and guilt welled up in Tony’s soul.
“You’re a great investigator and I learned a lot. I will always respect you, Gibbs. I just can’t work for you anymore. I have my own style and my own talents, and I’ve been trying to make myself fit into your world when I’m ready to be in my own.”
“I never told you to stop being yourself,” Gibbs said.
“I know.”
“I wouldn’t want you to do that.”
“I know that, too,” Tony agreed.
“Then… why can’t you come back?”
“Do you mean other than the fact that Vance wouldn’t rehire me?” Tony leaned against his dresser and looked at Gibbs.
“He’ll rehire you,” Gibbs said darkly. Tony actually believed that. He’d once told Dr. Verde that Gibbs was a shark, and he still thought that. Gibbs wasn’t infallible, and he needed therapy as much as Tony, but he was the great white shark circling the ocean prey. Tony figured that at least some of Vance’s hatred had to come from the fact that he knew he couldn’t compete with Gibbs. The rest probably did come out of the fact that Gibbs played games with the law too many times. Hell, McGeek actually got used to hacking the CIA.
“Maybe he shouldn’t,” Tony said gently. He didn’t need Gibbs going on some crusade in his name. “I have an interview at Hadak Security. Tom says I have the job if I want it, but I need to see what kind of resources they’re offering.”
“Doing what? Playing body guard?” Gibbs demanded. Tony remembered a day not too long ago when that tone of voice would have shredded his confidence. These days, it took more to shred him. Gibbs’ voice left a little ding in the armor, but Tony could survive that.
“No, investigating internal security breaches. When the police and the feds can’t figure out who ‘done it,’ it’ll be my job to step in. Hadak has a lot of corporate clients, and they rack up a lot of corporate crimes. They even have a few unsolved assaults, a couple of rapes, and one high-profile murder of a CFO outstanding.”
“So, you’re really leaving NCIS.”
“I already left.”
“And you’re letting the resignation stand?” Gibbs looked genuinely surprised by that.
“It’s for the best, Gibbs.”
“I never meant for Peru to be permanent. I was trying to give Ziva time to recover.”
Tony took a deep breath and really studied Gibbs. Dr. Verde thought that Gibbs had cared more about a woman’s pain than a man’s, and that was possible, but Tony suddenly saw another possibility. “Gibbs,” he said slowly, “did you know that the Israelis physically restrained me when I was in the car ahead of you?”
“They what?” Gibbs’ backbone went ramrod straight.
“They restrained me and then spent at least half the drive groping me just to remind me that I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“Shit. Tony, I would have broken their arms, and I don’t care what Vance would have said.” From the tone of voice, Gibbs wasn’t exaggerating. “Is that why you’re leaving NCIS? We can go down and file a formal complaint right now. We can demand that the State Department file a demarche.”
“For me?” Tony laughed. “I doubt they’d go that far. But my point is that I had started expecting you to know everything, Gibbs. I didn’t use good judgment.”
“So, you’re leaving because I didn’t protect you from that?” Gibbs didn’t normally look so confused.
“I’m leaving because I had reached a point where I had unrealistic expectations about what you could and couldn’t do. Ziva laid me flat on my back and put me back in an Israeli hospital, and I found myself resentful that you didn’t stop her. You weren’t even there, Gibbs. How the hell could you stop her when you weren’t there? I lost all perspective because I got used to you fixing things.”
“So, I’m the reason you’re leaving,” Gibbs summarized, his voice flat.
“I’m leaving because I fell in love with you and I couldn’t get my head around the fact that you were just one more boss,” Tony said softly. He didn’t know what to expect. Maybe Gibbs would turn and walk away. Maybe he’d demand Tony repeat what he’d said, and there was no way Tony was repeating that. He’d been practicing that sentence on the plane all the way from Peru on the off-chance he might get to use it, but that was a one-time only sort of statement. He couldn’t say it again. For a long time, Gibbs just blinked at him.
“Gibbs,” Tony said wearily, “I have a lot of sorting to do. Maybe we can talk later.” Tony took a step forward to urge Gibbs to leave, but Gibbs didn’t move. Instead he reached up and let his fingertips rest against the line of Tony’s jaw.
“I sent you away because I wanted to break rule number twelve. I couldn’t, Tony. I broke that rule for Jenny, and she died for it. The woman who tracked her down… I should have confirmed the kill fifteen years ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to question my lover. I couldn’t be your boss and let myself care too much about you. I couldn’t get you killed.” Gibbs stopped, and Tony could hear the sharp edge of emotion in his words.
“It wasn’t because Ziva was a woman? Because you worried more about her pain than mine?”
“No, Tony,” Gibbs said firmly. “No. She can take care of herself, but I had to get the two of you away from each other, and I… rule number six.”
“Never apologize,” Tony said.
“Then listen closely because I’m not repeating this,” Gibbs said. “I’m sorry I ever sent you away. I should have told you why I did it. I should have told you that I was worried that Ziva would find a way to hurt you back. All I can do is tell you now what I should have told you then. I can’t do anything else to fix this.” Gibbs’ hand shifted until his palm rested against Tony’s cheek.
Tony reached up to lay his own hand on top of Gibbs’. “That’s good enough for me,” Tony said, leaning closer. “And rule twelve doesn’t apply. I don’t work for you anymore, Jethro.”
Gibbs took him up on his hint, leaning in to meet him with a kiss. It was a short kiss, little more than a soft promise between two souls. Then Tony leaned back and Gibbs let his hand fall to his side before he looked around the storage unit.
“So, if I help shift all this crap, do you think you’d have time for a late lunch before that interview of yours?”
Tony smiled. “That sounds perfect.”
Gibbs smiled back, and Tony’s heart thumped faster at the expression. God he’d missed Gibbs’ smiles. “Just tell me which box to move first, and let’s get this done,” Gibbs said.
“You grab the DVD’s and I’ll get the dishes,” Tony said grabbing one box while Gibbs grabbed another. Watching Gibbs carry the box out to the waiting moving van Tony had rented, Tony figured this was a good start. If they were both really lucky, it might even be a great one.
