All right, all right, good. Pulling some things together here. Plot finally shifting from there's a problem to here's the problem.
Two small problems: first scene, I didn't realize Spike had left Xander until Xander was seeing his cord all scrunched down.
Second, this paragraph:
"Um, the situation is creepy, Riley is the only survivor so far. Riley, is there anyone else who survived?" Xander asked the bluish coil on the ground. Yellow still pulsed around the edges of the cord without letting go of the button.
Erm. Well, I leave you to the sentence structure.
But, and by the way, the following line - Spike and Riley's soul cords lay side by side, Riley's hovering slightly above since he was getting carried, but the two cords--Riley's blue and Spike's burgundy and midnight blue double helix-- pushed against each other. - leads me to believe that there's no yellow around Riley's soul cord - so where is that coming from??
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Date: 2007-11-03 07:08 pm (UTC)Two small problems: first scene, I didn't realize Spike had left Xander until Xander was seeing his cord all scrunched down.
Second, this paragraph: Erm. Well, I leave you to the sentence structure.
But, and by the way, the following line - Spike and Riley's soul cords lay side by side, Riley's hovering slightly above since he was getting carried, but the two cords--Riley's blue and Spike's burgundy and midnight blue double helix-- pushed against each other. - leads me to believe that there's no yellow around Riley's soul cord - so where is that coming from??
*shivers*