Kin of the Heart

[lit_gal]

In this universe, Xander challenged Angel right up front--called him a pedophile to his face. And from there, everything changed.

Previous parts:
Part one: Bumbling to a Save
Part two: Family Ties
Part three: Devil in the Details
Part Four: Bad Karma
Part Five: Rust Upon Iron
Part Six: Mending Fences... or tearing them down
Part Seven: Quiet Waters Mirroring Undistorted
Part Eight: Bait, Swindle and Self-destruct
Part Nine: Deaf, Dumb, and Destiny-blind
Part Ten: The Road Not Taken
Part Eleven: Full Circle on the Lesson
Part Twelve: The Care and Feeding of Humans
Part Thirteen: A Little Brutal Honesty with Tea
Part Fourteen: A Slippery Leash
Part Fifteen: Flesh and Blood and Heart

Part Sixteen: A Slender Thread of Sanity

Xander's two worlds are starting to collide, and he finds himself in the middle even as a new big bad appears on the distant horizon.

"Willow, Ms. Calendar, Oz, fancy meeting you here," Xander said with a plastered on smile as he walked up to them in the small park where they'd set up shop. Faith was two steps behind him, and without her, he so would have turned and run for the hills, or in his case, the apartment. Trees waved in the wind, gray against the black sky and they had pentagram and crystals set out on the picnic table in the dull yellow light of a lamp that barely lit the moonless night. Add a guy with a chainsaw and they had the makings of a good horror movie started. Well, except for the freaky suitcase computer sitting on the edge of the table which seemed a little weirdly out of place to him, but with Ms. Calendar, magic and computers were sort of one and the same.

"Xander!" Willow said happily, and then her tone changed as soon as Oz looked at her. "Xander," she repeated, suddenly saying his name the way Mrs. Smythe in fourth grade said his name when he couldn't figure out how to use the dictionary. Oh yeah, unpleasantness ahead. Just great. "What are you doing here?" she asked sternly as she scooted an inch closer to Oz. For his part, Oz was looking distinctly unamused. A couple of weeks ago this would have really bugged Xander, but now he was more with the 'bigger problems' outlook. Although some days Xander officially wished everything would just explode out in the open with Willow and Oz and him. Some days, he thought about walking across and just giving Willow a big kiss on the mouth and making all the ugly just come to a head.

And then he thought of Cordy. He was so not stupid enough to do that to someone as scary as her.

"Where's Cordelia?" Oz asked with a bit of a frown. Faith gave Xander a meaningful look, so he knew he had to get to the point or she would be all point girl, and Faith and diplomacy... not really friends.

"Cheerleading practice, hence the slayerly escort," Xander shrugged.

"Xander," Ms. Calendar said as she put down a jar of something pink. "I'm really sorry, but Willow and I have some very important work to do here."

"Oh," Xander said as he saw his perfect chance to run away like the coward he truly was. He turned and Faith gave him the hairiest eyeball in the history of hairy eyeballs. She had definitely been taking Angel lessons... not that Angel had giving him the hairy eyeball in... oh... a couple of weeks. He turned back to them, and Ms. Calendar was now frowning at him with that little crease between her eyes.

"So, what ya doin'?" he asked.

Faith sighed and walked over to lean on the van where she pulled out a cigarette.

"Didn't Buffy tell you? Or actually, you already know most of it," Willow said, all of her resolve to be all cold to him obviously vanishing in the excitement because she was almost bouncing. "You know those two kids who were killed? They aren't kids. They aren't even dead. They are, however, this really old evil power that Jenny recognized right away."

"What, hunting time?" Faith asked with a sudden interest in the whole conversation.

"It can't be killed until we reveal its true form," Ms. Calendar said with a frustrated sigh. "Xander, why don't you tell us why you're here so Willow and I can get back to this spell," she suggested in that teacher tone of voice that made it clear she was more with the ordering than the suggesting.

"Oh," Xander said. "I was just going to talk to Oz. Maybe Oz and I can..."

"I'm lookout," Oz said, making it pretty clear in two words that he didn't plan on going off with Xander. Right, so Xander was going to have an audience for this. He could do this. He'd done way harder, like look at Cordelia and not think about the way a woman's... nope not thinking that.

Faith glanced over. "So, if a vampire comes up, you ask him to wait a couple of weeks until you come into your wolfy powers?" she asked with just a bit of snide in her voice. For some reason, Faith had decided to take it personally that Oz and Willow were being a bit weird with him, and there was exactly nothing he could do to stop her from being bitchy about it.

"I drive fast," Oz said as he pulled out his van's keys.

"Yep, driving fast and running fast... two survival skills that cannot be overestimated," Xander quickly agreed, and then just stood there as everyone stared at him waiting for him to say something important. He shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"Xander?" Willow asked as she got up from the table. "What's that on your neck?"

"Oh, this?" Xander asked weakly, fingering the neck of his black t-shirt and cursing Angel's name for hiding all his turtle necks. Yeah, he had to deal with this eventually, but he didn't want to be greedy and gobble up all the dealing at once. He had enough to deal with besides the biting, and he preferred to save some deal for later, like when hell froze over.

"Oh my god. That's a vampire bite. Xander, a vampire bit you!" Willow said as she pointed at his scar with one hand and covered her mouth with the other. Ms. Calendar came over and quickly put her hand on his shoulder to get a better look in the dim light and Xander took a fast step back.

"Whoa, hey, it's an old vampire bite; therefore, old news," he argued, only just totally creeped out at teacher touching.

"Not old to me, Mister. Buffy and I thought you were hiding disgusting Cordelia marks under there, not vampire bites! What happened?" Willow demanded, her hands on her hips, and Xander glanced over to see Oz looking more wolfy than he usually looked in the absence of a full moon.

"That'd be a no on the Cordy marks," Xander said clearing his throat. If anything, he was getting way less Cordy marking since her touching him tended to cause inappropriate thinkage that led to either embarrassing stains on his pants or his balls trying to climb back up into his body. And even worse, he couldn't really bring himself to explain why heavy petting was sometimes on the ick list, now. "Hey, it's really kinda a funny story," he said with a grimace.

"Hey, Oz, I hear Devon is back in town after a brief tour of hiding from the Buffster," Xander shifted his focus to Oz. Oz was much less intimidating than Willow, even with the werewolf thing. Oz stood by the open door to his van looking pretty much just confused by the whole conversation which was miles better that Willow eyes or the look of disgust Faith was giving him as she leaned on the front of the van, one boot braced on the bumper as she smoked.

"Yeah, he got in yesterday morning," Oz agreed with a confused frown.

"Um, he might want to, you know, keep touring," Xander suggested. "I hear outer Mongolia is really cool this time of year. He could take up... Mongoli-ing."

Willow crossed her arms. "Xander LaVelle Harris, you are being avoidy about the vampire bite."

Xander backed up another step and took a deep breath. "Not really, Will, it's kinda all the same story. You guys remember Buffy's Christmas party, yes? The food, the chit-chat, the drugging of the Jello?"

Willow scrunched her face up as she turned to Ms. Calendar. "Devon put something in the Jello, and we're all lucky that we didn't get drugged and do something really bad like... well, like anything really bad. But Angel decided to eat a lot of Jello, so he got really stoned and started saying things in front of Mrs. Summers like how it was a good thing he didn't need to breathe. Apparently, he also told her that Scott was gay, which is not really very truthlike, but he was stoned, so I don't think that actually counts as lying. And then Mrs. Summers called the ambulance, but Xander and Angel had already left, and the police showed up and Devon kinda broke through Buffy's window jumping out the second story and a good time was definitely not had by all."

Faith laughed. "Only you losers could make a group of dropouts look like the cool party." She rolled her eyes and took a deep drag on her cigarette so that the end glowed in the dark.

"Hey!" Willow objected. "We were not even trying to be cool, and Jenny and I are supposed to be casting spells on the Bérgan before the little murder victims turn into big old murderers and go after those of us who are practicing our constitutionally protected Wiccan religion."

"Before the... what?"

Ms. Calendar sighed and headed back to the picnic table. "The two children are really projections from a demon called the Bérgan, an ancient enemy of white witches. It mimics a ritualistic murder victim and then uses fear and anger to control a mob of people who kill anyone with magical powers so that the Bérgan can feast on those powers. Now, Xander, can you please quickly answer two questions? First, where did you get the bite, and second, why does Devon need to leave town?" She sat on the bench facing Xander, her back to the spell and her arms crossed in a way that made it clear she was not really with the joking.

"Fuck, just let me tell it," Faith said in an aggravated voice as she dropped her cigarette to the ground and crushed it under her boot.

"No!" Xander yelled. "No, I'm telling!" He took a deep breath and then just turned his brain off so he could say what he needed to say. If he thought about it too much, he would move to Timbuktu or something. "Angel was stoned when we left, and he just kept getting more stoned, and apparently stoned is a whole lot like happy because Angel was not so much soulish any more."

Xander had squinched his eyes together, and now he opened them. Willow was looking at him with horror, and Ms. Calendar was back up on her feet. "Xander," she said as she moved toward him, her face caught somewhere between disbelief and abject horror. "If his soul has been lost, we need to act now, before he can further his evil plans," she said in that same 'I am teacher, thou shalt not argue with me' voice.

Faith snorted. "If someone has to put the man down, it's going to be me. You sure wouldn't get that stick up your ass anywhere near Angel... or Angelus," Faith warned as she crossed her arms. "But that is just not happening, babe. The soul is right back where is supposed to be." It was funny... Ms. Calendar's voice was big with the authority until sixteen year old Faith came in with her slayer 'thou shalt not argue with me' version, and Ms. Calendar suddenly didn't seem so very confident.

"He... he bit you," Willow said, all horror and fear and wide eyes.

"Yes, he did," Xander agreed. "Which hurt, but no one will be doing any staking because the demon's get out of jail card had a timestamp," Xander hurried to say. This was pretty much exactly where he didn't want this conversation to go. He was doing enough freaking out all by himself, so he did not need the Willow freak on top, especially since Willow-freak was so closely followed by Buffy-freak and the closely associated Giles-judgment.

"Excuse me?" Ms. Calendar asked. "The spell doesn't work that way. If he had a moment of perfect happiness, even one, then the soul would separate from the body and return to its eternal destination since it was clearly no longer torturing the demon for his crimes."

Xander looked at her suspiciously, because she was sounding strangely expert on the subject of soul spells, way more than even Giles.

"Drugs... not so perfect with happiness," Oz offered with a shrug. "Happy, but not perfect."

"Not unless you have some seriously good shit," Faith seconded him as she stretched and scratched her bare stomach. "But Xander is off track here. Get to the point, babe."

"Right point," Xander said taking a deep breath. If he were smart, he'd figure out a good way to lie about this next part. "Okay, so Angel's soulless twin Angelus came out, and there wasn't actually as much blood as sex, which is disturbing, but way better than bodies stacked up like firewood," Xander said as he remembered one of Spike's more vivid stories of Angelus and nuns. Spike's way of making him feel better was not actually big with the feeling better.

"Angel had sex? With a girl?" Willow asked, obviously remembering last year's very awkward conversation about Angel and gayness.

"A girl, a boy, another girl, a vampire, two girls, two girls and a vampire," Xander admitted with a shudder, and Willow's horror face turned into her squick face, her arms crossed over her stomach. He totally understood the feeling, especially having had a front seat for things that he really honestly could have lived without ever knowing, although parts were... and that's one more part of the brain he was not going to be exploring tonight or ever.

"But he didn't kill anyone?" Ms. Calendar asked, still confused.

Luckily Faith jumped in before Xander could say something really stupid about a pile of one. "Sounds like Angelus was way more interested in the sex, and who can blame him after a hundred years. All that pent up sexual frustration?" She shimmied, stretching deliberately to make it oh so clear that she would not be trying out the century of celibacy plan. "I'm just seriously sorry I missed that ride," she said with a twitch of her body. Oz's eyebrow went up.

Obviously Faith's boyfriend poaching ranked higher than potential soullessness because Willow quickly hurried to Oz's side. She slipped her arm around his waist so that he draped his arm over her shoulders and looked at her. Faith had a view of the back of his head.

"Five by five, little girl," she said so softly that Xander might have thought Willow didn't hear except for the little frown on her face.

"Still not hearing about the biting," Willow said now that she was safely next to Oz.

"Obviously Angelus bit him," Faith said in a voice that made it pretty clear that she thought Willow was all kinds of stupid. Willow's face hardened into fury.

"Okay, time out!" Xander shouted. "Look, Angelus bit me, we went to a suckhouse, he had lots and lots and lotsandlots of sex while I freaked out in the corner. He called Spike and threatened him if he didn't get back here, and Spike came running because he thought Angel had slipped 'round the twist'—his words not mine—and now Spike is thinking that Devon is too stupid to live. So Oz, it would be a really, really good idea if Devon took a long tour of Siberia because Buffy may be over her mad but Spike definitely isn't. And honestly? I wouldn't mind punching Devon really, really hard myself. Really hard. Really." Xander sort of ran out of steam on the last 'really'.

Faith was smirking, offering him a thumbs up not so subtly while Willow and Oz just looked shell-shocked, and it took a whole lot to shock Oz. Looking over toward the table, Ms. Calendar had the oddest expression Xander had ever seen. He wasn't even going to try and guess on that one, but it definitely wasn't of the good.

"Angelus and William the Bloody?" she asked, sounding way Gilesy.

"Angel. Say it with me people, AAN-GEL," Xander said sarcastically as his last nerve finally snapped. "Angel with soul still attached. And *Spike* who right now is way less with the rampaging and way more with the confused about why Angel and I keep telling him he can't eat Devon. And honestly? I'm only 95% on the 'don't kill Devon bus' myself. But other than that... yeah... kinda," Xander admitted as his anger failed him when he needed it most. It was a really good thing that Ms. Calendar was standing near the picnic table because she just sort of fell backwards onto the bench. For a minute the crickets took center stage as silence fell.

"Well, this was unexpected," Oz finally commented. "So, Spike wants to kill Devon?"

Faith snorted. "Please, Spike is one name on a very long list of people who want to kill Devon, including me," she said, and then she took out a knife and started cleaning her nails, which was either a warning or just really bad timing. She shrugged as she flicked something out from under a nail. "However, Spike is the one most likely to go through with the killing."

"Oh yeah," Xander admitted. He wished he had something to lean on or sit on, but he was not sitting or leaning near either Willow or Ms. Calendar and he would probably look pretty stupid sitting on the swings and yelling across the park.

"William the Bloody?" Ms. Calendar asked weakly. "We should probably call Giles. We should definitely call Giles. We'll need patrols."

Oh great. Yeah, that's all Xander needed to make the night truly perfect. Hey, let the witch killing demon show up, and things would be pretty much perfectly sucky. He was so moving to Siberia. Unless Devon was moving there, in which case he was heading for Timbuktu, because he really was on that list of people wanting to kill the creep.

"Oi, you lot are bloody worthless," an entirely too familiar voice called out. Spike dropped from the top of the van down into the middle of the group. Willow screamed and jumped into open side door of the van while Oz just sort of blinked at him. Ms. Calendar grabbed for the stake tucked into her jeans, and ripped a big chunk of her shirt in the process. She stood there with her stake thrust out in front and a big flap of blue shirt hanging down.

Looking around, Spike was laughing like a loon, his yellow eyes shining in the dark. "Boo!" he yelled in Ms. Calendar's direction, and she jumped back, her knees hitting the bench so that she stumbled and nearly fell. It just made Spike laugh harder. He was still laughing when he passed Oz with a slap on the arm that sent Oz crashing into the side of his van before he walked to the front and leaned next to Faith. "Hand over my fags you soddin' grifter. Pinch 'em at the store like everyone else."

"You're such a sweet talker, Spike. Geez, it's not like you paid for them," Faith complained as she pulled the pack out and threw it at Spike's head. He snagged it out of the air and gave her a nasty smirk. Watching them, Xander just got the really creepy vibe going, but telling Faith to not do something, like sleep with the evil undead, was pretty much a guarantee she'd try it, so he was avoiding stupidity for once in his life and just keeping his mouth shut.

"Oz, get the computer," Ms. Calendar said as she inched forward, her stake in her hand. Spike glanced over toward Oz, but he was pretty much frozen to the spot as he just stared at them all.

Spike turned his attention to Ms. Calendar. "Bloody hell, pet, you're holding that so tight you're losing circulation in the fingers."

"Oz! Get. The. Computer," Ms. Calendar ordered, her voice shrill.

Okay, time for Xander to step in and fix this mess, even if he had been the one voice of reason arguing for just denying and ignoring the whole stupid mess. In hindsight, his plan was so much better than Angel's. Seriously, they should have just mailed Devon a horse head or something. "Ms. Calendar," Xander said, really trying to sound like he knew what he was talking about. "Spike is really annoying... and evil, I'm not saying he's not evil," Xander hurried to amend himself when Spike growled at him. "Totally evil. But, he's not really likely to eat anyone here."

She stared at him like he'd lost his mind, so Xander was calling this whole idea a brilliant failure. "Oz," she said, her voice low and desperate, and Oz was still standing by the open van as he looked from Ms. Calendar to Spike and back. Xander didn't even see Spike move, but suddenly Ms. Calendar was sitting on the grass, her legs sprawled out in front. Looking down at her with amusement, Spike had her stake in hand.

"Bloody well tried ta warn you. If you go holding onto a weapon that tight, you make the fingers go numb," he pointed out.  Then he tossed the stake behind him. Faith caught it and tucked it away as Spike held his hand out for Ms. Calendar. "If I was going to eat ya, I wouldn't be offering you advice. Bloody hell, pet, are all your little friends this thick?" Spike asked as he looked over at Xander with a frown.

"Um..."

"Hey, not thick. Ms. Calendar is not even close to thick," Willow objected from the dark van behind Oz. Spike cast a disgusted look over his shoulder but then he must have seen Willow in the dark interior of the van and he turned totally around.

"Got some darkness and power in that one. All insecurity and need, you'd make a lovely vampire, pet."

Willow gave a little squeak as Ms. Calendar finally scrambled to her feet without Spike's help. "I don't know what you want..."

"To get the soddin' hell out of here," Spike cut Ms. Calendar off. "The fucking minions have just about taken over the hellmouth, and I'm going to bloody well teach 'em to go disrespecting me," Spike snarled, and all of the teasing playfulness was gone. Ms. Calendar stumbled back a step and Spike smirked. "Don't go getting your knickers in a twist, luv. The boy was just trying to make a point, and I got tired of him using words. Now, me, I'm more about actions. For example, Faith doesn't try and kill me, and I don't try and kill her," he pointed out. "Although I may reconsider that if she keeps nicking my fags." He turned to glare at her.

"You and what army, babe?" Faith asked as she gave a smirk of her own and stepped forward, her hips rolling as she stalked gracefully toward him.

"That's disturbing," Oz said quietly.

Spike snorted. "The point is," he said as he turned his gaze back to Ms. Calendar, "that you and the watcher keep acting like there's some sort of war between us." Spike cracked his neck to the side and glided closer to her. "Is there?" he asked, his voice low and sultry. Ms. Calendar swallowed. "I don't remember mucking about in your business, but maybe I did and forgot and that's why you keep mucking about in mine," he suggested helpfully.

"I don't know—"

"You don't know much if ya think you can annoy me for long, especially since ya really don't have cause. I'm not out thinning the human herd around here... much," Spike shrugged. "But ya got hundreds of minions that practically crawl out of the woodwork, and the slayers can't so much as find 'em. Ya have a fucking Bérgan wandering around, some zombies, and the caves around the Hellmouth are just about empty, which usually means something really big and nasty is coming. Personally, I don't much care. World goes to hell, I'll turn Faith and Xander and we'll go on our bloody way. But Peaches is fond of humanity and his humans, and seein' as how he's likely to get more depressed than ever if the whole fucking lot of you gets sucked into a hell dimension, I figure, why not help the sod." Spike pulled out a cigarette and made a big production out of slowly lighting it and drawing in a deep drag before he blew out a cloud of smoke. Ms. Calendar looked about ready to collapse in fear. "I'm not the one you're at war with, and you and the watcher better pull your heads out your arses before you lose the show."

Spike deliberately turned his back on her, standing there for a second in a display that Xander knew another vampire would take as one seriously nasty insult. Spike had turned his back on Angel once, and broken bones had been involved. Apparently, Spike had expected and wanted the broken bones because vampire displays of affection were more than a little seriously disturbing. Of course, guilt was also involved, which Spike didn't understand as well as the broken bones part. Xander'd tried explaining the concept of guilt, but apparently guilt was one of those things that just didn't translate well without a soul.

"Wolf," Spike offered pleasantly, giving a nod to Oz. Oz nodded right back. "Oh, and the boy's right about your mate. He's a fucking waste of human flesh, and I'll break his neck if I see him or catch so much as a whiff of him around me or mine, got it?"

"Very much with the getting it," Oz agreed as he kept right on nodding.

Spike leapt up onto the top of Oz's van, the whole thing banging and shaking under the weight and then he was gone.

"Showoff," Faith proclaimed in a bored voice.

"He impressed me," Oz answered.  He sat in the open door of the van. Xander watched as Willow's pale face appeared behind Oz. She scooted forward, her hands catching at him and fisting his jacket as she sat just behind him.

"It was... different," Ms. Calendar said weakly. She looked around as if expecting him to jump out again.

"Nah, that's pretty much same old, same old for Spike," Faith dismissed the whole thing. "And if I don't get going, he's going to refuse to let me play with any of the minions he finds," she said as she pulled out her stake. "Xander, you good here?"

"Um, yeah, big with the good," he agreed. He wasn't, but at least with Faith gone, the potential for bloodshed dropped significantly.

"Five by five. Wish me luck," she said with an eyebrow wiggle, and then she was off running into the darkness. Xander was so not wishing her luck because he still wasn't entirely sure she was planning on actually staking the vampires she found. Spike was not exactly what you would call a good influence.

"I guess I should leave you witchy types to the spell making, huh?" Xander asked as he backed away a step. "And really... don't go getting Giles all worked up because that soul is tacked on good and tight. They just don't make escape clauses on curses like they used to... although, technically the curse is a 'used to' since they made it so long ago." Xander cleared his throat and really wished they would all find someone else to stare at. "And this is me going."

"Xander, wait!" Willow called as she jumped out of the van. "Oz, don't let him go off into the dark," she said as she turned to him.

Oz blinked for a second. "She's right. I'll give you a ride home," he offered.

"Nah, I'm good," Xander said.  He patted his leg with the blade strapped to it.

"Xander," Ms. Calendar said as she stepped forward. Her hair was going every which way, and with the ripped shirt she was looking very much unteacherish. "You can't just wander off on a hellmouth."

Xander laughed. How many times had he gone wandering off on his own that first year when he didn't even have any training? Here, here's a stake, try and hit the heart. Yep, he was officially surprised he survived. Now, not so much with the being alone... or the being defenseless. Between Angel and Spike, he could swing a mean sword, and he wasn't half bad with a Smith & Wesson double-action. "Hey, the only things on the hellmouth right now are vampires and a couple of zombies. Even Clem's family moved, which really... is big with the calm before the storm creepiness."

"But Xander, vampires," Willow said with a frown.

"Minions. I think I can take a minion or two," Xander pointed out. Why did she assume he was incompetent? "And second, I smell like a three hundred year old vamp bite. I figure the minions are going to smell me and figure..."

"That you're a consort," Jenny finished. "They'd starve themselves to insanity before touching a master vampire's consort.

Xander stared at her blankly for a second. "And again with the consort stuff. I was going to say that if I could survive a bite from a three hundred year old vampire, I must be one seriously bad badass. But yeah, they would probably run away from the Angel smell because of Angel, too. I think I should get going. You know, people to see, homework to not do," Xander said as he turned and started power walking for the far side of the park. Well, that went absolutely horribly. When he hit the swings, he started jogging, his sneakers sinking into the sand of the playground, but he ignored that to hurry toward the darkness of the trees on the far side. Even now, he could feel their eyes on him.

When had they all grown so far apart? When had Willow started being more worried about her boyfriend than a discussion of soul-stealing spells? Part of him still loved her, but part was seriously starting to consider that he was not the only one needing a little therapy. Of course, Willow's parents were big with the psycho-babble which meant they would never believe that they were therapy-inducing parents. Seriously, though, Xander was starting to think that with the exception of Buffy, he had the best parents in the group.

Even as kids, Willow's parents would only give her attention if she did something perfectly, and only if it was something that they wanted her do to. He remembered when she gave up flute after her one and only recital. Yeah, he'd been a kid, too, so his memory was probably a bit wonky, but he remembered her doing a great job. Her parents had made excuses to all their friends who had come over about how she hadn't practiced enough and how she certainly couldn't live up to some other kid that Xander didn't even know. That left way bigger scars than biting. He ducked under a tree branch and came out on Oak Avenue.

The street was quiet, a few barking dogs in the distance and faint music coming from one of the houses. It sounded like someone was mowing their lawn in the middle of the night, and that just had to make the neighbors happy. He started walking toward home, listening to the slightest rustle in the trees beside him. It could be the wind. It probably wasn't, but it could be.

And Angel... no wonder Angelus was so loose with the screws. Angel's dad may have converted to marry a good protestant woman with the right bloodline to get him a little power, but Xander had heard enough stories to know that Liam's friends had all been Catholics, and he'd been pretty well convinced he was going to hell way before he went and got demonized. Of course, it didn't help that his father had gone all Calvin on him. Xander's Catholic friends laughed about guilt being the cornerstone of their religion, and Angel had that, but at least the Catholics believed that you got forgiven. Liam inherited his father's old Catholic guilt and his newly adopted Calvin belief that he was never getting forgiven for it. No wonder Liam finally broke and decided that if he was going to hell, he might as well have fun getting there. All that damage, even without the beatings... not that Angel's dad had skipped on the beatings.

Yep, his folks were saints by comparison. Get a little drunk, scream, make random accusations about how everyone else ruined your life, and fall asleep. It wasn't exactly prime evil. Xander stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Ambush me or come out. You're going to scare some old lady to death creeping through people's yards," he told the bushes. They rustled for a second, and then Angel stood up. Angel might be way better with the one-on-one fighting, but Spike had it all over him when it came to ambushing. After many a near heart attack from Spike's version of "helping" him train, Xander had gotten pretty good at noticing stalkers.

"Xander, you shouldn't be out here alone," Angel said, his face still that weird emotionless mask he seemed to wear all the time anymore. Yep, when they went to LA this weekend, Xander was not the only one getting therapy, Angel just didn't know it yet.

"You being here makes the alone less aloney," he pointed out as he started down the street again.

He could hear when Angel started following a few seconds later. Rather than walking next to Xander, he kept his distance. Part of Xander wanted them to go back the way they had been; he missed the touches and the shoulder bumps and the slaps upside the head. But he had to admit that another part was just as happy that Angel was leaving a little distance.

"So, what's a consort?" Xander asked.

"You thought you were alone, so going off on your own was a poor decision," Angel answered, which Xander was pretty sure didn't answer the question.

He stopped and turned around to face Angel. Right away, Angel stopped, one hand coming up to hold the wrought iron fence in front of a rundown old house. "Faith let me go off alone," Xander started, and right away he could see an emotion on Angel... not a good one, but at least it was an emotion. "Which means," he said loudly, interrupting Angel's little silent pissy fit, "I wasn't alone. No way would she have gone off unless she knew you were right there. For that matter, no way would Spike have taken off and made her pick between hunting with him or babysitting me, not unless you were in the shadows doing your imitation of a stalker."

"With some demon trying to take over the hellmouth, having an escort is not the same as babysitting," Angel said with a frown.

"Yep, getting that since you won't let Faith hunt alone, although I don't know which is scarier, her hunting with Spike and picking up all kinds of bad habits or her hunting with Buffy and potentially saying things that I so do not need for Buffy to be hearing."

"Both options are equally dire," Angel agreed with a sigh.

"Yep. So, what's a consort?"

"A consort?"

"Yep, that was the word," Xander agreed. In the old days, he would have kept walking while needling Angel, but it was hard to talk to someone when they walked six feet behind you... even harder to nag them that way.

Angel frowned. "The husband or wife of a ruler. Queen Victoria's husband was Albert, Prince Consort of England. I don't think people use the word much anymore. They just call Philip, Prince Philip."

"Philip?"

"The Queen of England's husband," Angel said.

"Oh." Angel had been watching the history channel again. Xander frowned. "Okay, why would Giles and Ms. Calendar both talk about me becoming a consort? I mean, I know we call her Queen C, but Cordelia is not really much with the actual queenliness." Xander didn't add that the odds of marrying her were growing dimmer what with the avoiding touching her... and the him annoying her with his current freakiness.

"Because they're idiots who believe anything that some watcher once wrote down," Angel sighed. He turned and leaned his back into the fence. "Xander, they're making some huge assumptions that are absolutely wrong. I just think maybe this conversation should wait for another time." Angel sounded so stressed and tense that part of Xander wanted to agree. It was hard to nag Angel when he was already so depressed that all he did was stare at the floor, or in this case, the street.

"If you don't tell me, I’m so going to use my Spike-taught skills of lock picking and look it up in Giles' books and get misinformed for myself," Xander warned.

Angel didn't answer right away, but from the deep sigh, Xander knew he had won. Now he only had to wait. He walked over to the brick pillar built around the mailbox and leaned back. He could wait. He shifted to his other foot. He really hated waiting.

Luckily, Angel cracked first. "It's from a twelfth century vampire named Erlend. He was courting a witch, and he invented this whole mythology about how a vampire could take a human as a mate, a consort. He promised her long life and said they would have a mystical bond that would reach beyond the grave." Angel looked up. "It was a lie. Darla knew the man, met him years later, and he laughed about how the witch had told others the story, about how the watchers were forever looking for his blood-magicked ceremony, the one that would turn a human into a consort."

Suddenly the idea of trusting watchers to be the almighty keepers of mystical knowledge didn't seem so bright. "Wait," Xander said as a thought came to him. "They think we're married?" he yelped. Memories of Angelus and that man flooded back.

"Ye will like it well enough after I break ye in lad. I'll take my time with ya," he'd vowed, his yellow eyes on Xander as he had thrust into the man below him, holding the man's arms to the bed as the man's back arched and he screamed.

"Xander, it doesn't matter what they think. I wouldn't touch you," Angel was saying loudly. He'd taken a step closer to Xander, and Xander blinked, struggling to focus on the here and now.

"They think we're married," he meant to sound indignant, but it came out kinda squeaky.

"Calendar thinks we're married... Giles thinks we're going to be married," Angel admitted with a wince. "They also happen to think that consorts get some magical powers from a vampire. Think about it. My immortality comes from being dead. How can I share that with you without killing you?" Angel asked. He shook his head fiercely. "No. No, I will never do that do you, Xander. You have to know that."

Angel looked so pained that Xander braced himself and closed the gap between them, resting his hand on Angel's arm. "I know that. See me? This is my not worried face," Xander promised. "Okay, it's my slightly worried face, but my worry has to do with a whole bunch of things, none of which are being afraid of you turning me."

Angel looked at Xander, his eyes almost black in the dim light of the street. "I wouldna do that do you," he said seriously.

"Yep, got that," Xander agreed, and he was so not even going to deal with the Irish accent right now. Yeah, he might need therapy, but he seriously hoped this guy Clem recommended was good with multiple personality disorder because Xander wasn't even the really, really screwed up one here. He slid his arm around Angel's and pulled on him. "Come on, let's go home," he said.

For a second, Angel didn't move, his face dark and full of pain as he looked down at Xander. Then that emotionless mask slipped back in place and Angel allowed Xander to turn him toward home, their arms still entwined as they headed down the shadowed road.