Mangled Spells: Not a bad life.
Jul. 20th, 2007 10:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lit_galOkay, I've really missed Spike and Xander and Angel and the others. I can't go back to Experience Curve right now because I do not have room in my brain for two full sized stories, so the muse started thinking about Mangled Spells.
Last time we saw our heroes, Xander still had the bad habit of turning into a girl when he got stressed thanks to Drusilla's interfering with that mangled spell, and Xander was considering taking Spike and Faith and leaving the Hellmouth. After all, with Adam defeated and Buffy taking up with Riley, Angel had decided to finally leave and Xander thought it was a good time to find some place new, too. So, Buffy, Willow, Tara, Riley, and Graham are left as the Hellmouth crew. And now for Xander in his/her new life.
Go back and read the entire crackalicious series (scroll down to Mangled Spells)
Last time we saw our heroes, Xander still had the bad habit of turning into a girl when he got stressed thanks to Drusilla's interfering with that mangled spell, and Xander was considering taking Spike and Faith and leaving the Hellmouth. After all, with Adam defeated and Buffy taking up with Riley, Angel had decided to finally leave and Xander thought it was a good time to find some place new, too. So, Buffy, Willow, Tara, Riley, and Graham are left as the Hellmouth crew. And now for Xander in his/her new life.
Go back and read the entire crackalicious series (scroll down to Mangled Spells)
Angel stopped in the middle of the warehouse, his head tilted in a way that suggested he'd heard or smelled something, but given how dirty the warehouse was, Xander did not even want to consider just what vamp senses might be picking up.
"Why don't you guys head back to the car," Angel suggested.
"What? Demons… feasting on entrails… protecting the innocent. You know, all Doyle's vision stuff we're supposed to be stopping; that's not going to happen at the car." Xander shifted the armory bag up higher on his shoulder. Yeah, he probably shouldn't have insisted he could do anything the more demony members of Angel Investigations could do, but no way was he admitting that, not to Spike and sure as hell not to Faith.
"Just…. Look, I'll come and get you in a second," Angel said, his voice tight with stress.
"Spike?" Xander immediately turned to his vampire for an explanation since Angel and explanations were definitely unmixy. Stupid vamp acted like his hair would fall out or something if he ever just gave a straight answer.
"Human comin'. Some chit," Spike filled in. Angel cocked his head to the side far enough to glare, but Spike just smirked back and retreated behind Xander.
"Xander, take Spike and head back to the car."
"Hey, Doyle said the bad guys were big with the bad, so I'm not leaving you to fight all by yourself," Xander said as he crossed his arms, his crossbow dangling from one hand.
Angel sighed. "Xander."
"Angel," Xander returned the same exasperated tone. Spike gave a strangled laugh. It really was kinda funny. Angel could break Xander to little bitty bits, but Angel wouldn't. And because Spike was under Xander in the whole hierarchy, Angel kinda couldn't go after Spike without going after Xander. Yep, they were the world's strangest vampire kinda-clan.
"Angel," a woman's voice interrupted Xander's thoughts and Angel's glare. She stood in the shadows of the catwalk, but when she stepped forward into a pool of light created by the florescent lights, Xander recognized the cop who had been turning up at all their cases lately.
"Bloody hell. Look, if Mrs. Joe Friday here wants to play Nancy fuckin' Drew, let her. She can handle the demons climbing out of the sewers, and we can go off for a drink," Spike muttered, but he made sure to do it loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Kate," Angel answered, ignoring Spike altogether. "Kate, you shouldn't be here."
"Demons spewing out of the sewers?" she asked, her eyes going to Spike. Xander also saw her hand going for her waistband, and he was willing to bet gun. As the only officially not-bulletproof member of the team, he backed up a step, and immediately, Spike moved into the space in front of Xander.
"We're taking care of it," Angel answered her tersely.
"Oh, bloody hell. You're sniffing up her skirt, aren't you? Shove a blonde with more balls than brains in your path and you'll fall tits over arse every bloody time."
"Spike!" Angel and Xander yelled at about the same time.
"Shut up. I mean it," Angel warned with a flash of yellow in his eye. "Kate, this is not a good time…."
"So, the vampire is going to save the day again. Do you two know he's a vampire?" she demanded, turning toward Spike who immediately began to laugh.
"Yeah, known that for a century or so, mate. Look, he's doing the boy-wonder bit, God save the Queen and Mom and apple pie, or some such rot as that, so trying to make him look like the villain isn't going to do you much good."
"A century," Kate echoed weakly. Her hand vanished beneath her jacket.
"Hey, before anyone gets to shooting and potentially putting holes in the one member of this team who still has a pulse, can we just call a truce here?" Xander asked.
"You knew too?" Kate demanded, pinning Xander with a stare that would have melted steel, and for not the first time, Xander wondered why Angel always seemed to fall for the scary girls. Okay, Xander didn't have the best record himself being that he'd fallen for Spike and Spike was slightly more scary that a cop with a gun, but still.
"Wasn't real thrilled with it at first," Xander admitted. "I might have even been on the stake-all-vampires squad when I first found out, but after an apocalypse or two, you learn to chill."
"Apocalypse?" Kate swallowed.
"Or two," Xander corrected her.
"Thought you told her," Spike snorted.
"I did. I told her that I'm a vampire and that I'm trying to help."
"So, do you have a soul too?" Kate demanded as her eyes focused on Spike.
"Bloody hell no. Just don't like the idea of someone else comin' in and tryin' to muck up my territory."
"My territory," Angel corrected him with a growl. Xander bit his cheek to keep from smiling because for someone who claimed he just wanted to be left alone and that he didn't want anything to do with vampire hierarchies, Angel sure was spending more and more time staking claims, on LA and on the people who worked in this office.
"Yeah, yeah, you're the big bad vampire boss," Xander agreed, rolling his eyes for Kate's benefit since she seemed more than a little freaked out. "But the point is that Angel has saved the world and the Powers That Be wouldn't have set him up with his very own seer if they didn't think he had a lot more good to do."
"And I'm supposed to take your word for that?" Kate pulled her hand out from under her jacket, but instead of the gun Xander expected, she pulled out a stake. "A thing like this killed my father."
"And a vamp vamped my best friend so that I had to dust him. And then there was this whole apocalyptic theme at graduation, and a bunch of vamps attacked, well, vamps and a giant snake who ate the principal, but we're focusing on vamps, not giant snakes, so you can see that I have plenty of reason to hate vamps in general. But I'm still fighting with Angel because he's okay."
"Okay? He's okay?" she asked incredulously, but Xander ignored her as Angel and Spike flashed into game face.
"Aw shit. You know, the timing, so not good," Xander muttered as he went to one knee and dropped the duffle before unzipping it to reveal the small arsenal.
Loading the crossbow with silver bolts for this species of demon, Xander didn't have to wait long before the hoard of snub-snouted demons spewed from a grate in the floor. Okay, it was more like three demons crawling out, but it was still big with the freaky. Spike threw himself at the first two out, dancing back and forth between them with a flurry of attacks that seemed to stun them as they batted clumsy claws at his head.
Angel took on the third, a demon half again larger than the others, in closer battle, his sword flashing under the florescent light. Xander watched, as Spike lined up one of the two demons and then backflipped out of the way. Xander sank a silver bolt into the lizardy body.
"Take that ya overgrown handbag," Spike crowed as he distracted the other demon with a whirlwind of kicks.
"Angel!" Kate cried out.
"Xander!" Spike called.
"Got him!"
Spike twirled away to help Angel with his demon, and Xander sank a bolt into the second demon while the thing was still trying to figure out where Spike had gone. Pulling his knife, Xander darted forward and grabbed Kate's hand, yanking her back away from the fight.
Angel trailed blood from a deep slash across his cheek, but he and Spike were pummeling the head demon, forcing him backwards in a coordinated attack that left him no hope. Demons one and two slowly gurgled themselves to death as the silver bled poison into their system. And then the fight was over.
Angel came walking back toward them, blood running down his face so that he looked a little seriously scary. Spike, however, had an expression of pure glee. And strangely, that was even more scary.
"That's what you bloody well get for comin' into our territory. Wankers," Spike announced as he gave one of the bodies a kick as he bounced back to Xander.
"Oh my god," Kate yelled so sharply that Xander spun around, knife in hand, looking for another attacker.
"What? What?" Xander asked desperately as he couldn't see anything, but then invisible attackers weren't totally out of the question.
"You," Kate breathed.
"Oi, what got your knickers in a twist, pet?" Spike asked as he slipped his hand around Xander's waist. When he had to look up to Spike, Xander realized he'd gone she again.
"Wow. Didn't even feel that one," Xander admitted with a smile and a shrug.
"You okay?" Spike asked, breathing deeply, and Xander realized that Spike was scenting her.
"I'm fine. Knock it off with the bloodhound." Xander pinched Spike's arm.
"You're a girl," Kate finally managed an entire sentence.
"There was this spell and then there was a spell reversal and then there was this vamp named Drusilla who reversed the reversal."
"Dru was tryin' to help."
"Help with the socially inappropriate gender switching," Xander added wryly.
"Xander, will you please just take Spike and head for the car now?" Angel asked in his best 'put upon' voice. The facial bleeding actually helped with the whole pained martyr image.
"Yeah, we could fool around in the back seat while the caped avenger tries ta impress the girl with his powers of brooding," Spike suggested before nibbling on Xander's ear. Oh yeah, it had actually been a while since Xander had done the girl-sex thing.
"Do not have sex in my car, not again," Angel threatened.
"Hey, you look like you need some privacy, you know, what with all the revelations that you need to discuss," Xander said as she backed away. Spike smirked as he followed.
"Oh," Xander added to Kate, "and the wandering around warehouses looking for boogie men? So not healthy for the totally human sort. You really shouldn't do that without backup and I don't mean the kind out of the police academy."
"Oh, don't even bloody consider it, not either of you. I'm ashamed enough playin' backup to Peaches, but I'm not playing white hat for anyone else, got it?" Spike snapped.
"If it helps, you'll always be the big bad to me," Xander said with a smile that she hoped was more than a little naughty. When all else failed, sexual distraction worked wonders to get Spike's mind off the horror of being one of the good guys.
"Damn straight I'm the big bad."
"How big?" Xander teased.
"Oh for god's… have sex in the car, I don't care, just get out of here," Angel finally snapped.
"Yes, sir," Xander said, throwing the head of their little clan a quick salute before she grabbed the waistband of her jeans and headed for the door, a wiggle in her ass. Behind, she heard Spike grab the weapons bag before running to catch up. Oh yeah, life in LA was pretty damn good.
"Why don't you guys head back to the car," Angel suggested.
"What? Demons… feasting on entrails… protecting the innocent. You know, all Doyle's vision stuff we're supposed to be stopping; that's not going to happen at the car." Xander shifted the armory bag up higher on his shoulder. Yeah, he probably shouldn't have insisted he could do anything the more demony members of Angel Investigations could do, but no way was he admitting that, not to Spike and sure as hell not to Faith.
"Just…. Look, I'll come and get you in a second," Angel said, his voice tight with stress.
"Spike?" Xander immediately turned to his vampire for an explanation since Angel and explanations were definitely unmixy. Stupid vamp acted like his hair would fall out or something if he ever just gave a straight answer.
"Human comin'. Some chit," Spike filled in. Angel cocked his head to the side far enough to glare, but Spike just smirked back and retreated behind Xander.
"Xander, take Spike and head back to the car."
"Hey, Doyle said the bad guys were big with the bad, so I'm not leaving you to fight all by yourself," Xander said as he crossed his arms, his crossbow dangling from one hand.
Angel sighed. "Xander."
"Angel," Xander returned the same exasperated tone. Spike gave a strangled laugh. It really was kinda funny. Angel could break Xander to little bitty bits, but Angel wouldn't. And because Spike was under Xander in the whole hierarchy, Angel kinda couldn't go after Spike without going after Xander. Yep, they were the world's strangest vampire kinda-clan.
"Angel," a woman's voice interrupted Xander's thoughts and Angel's glare. She stood in the shadows of the catwalk, but when she stepped forward into a pool of light created by the florescent lights, Xander recognized the cop who had been turning up at all their cases lately.
"Bloody hell. Look, if Mrs. Joe Friday here wants to play Nancy fuckin' Drew, let her. She can handle the demons climbing out of the sewers, and we can go off for a drink," Spike muttered, but he made sure to do it loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Kate," Angel answered, ignoring Spike altogether. "Kate, you shouldn't be here."
"Demons spewing out of the sewers?" she asked, her eyes going to Spike. Xander also saw her hand going for her waistband, and he was willing to bet gun. As the only officially not-bulletproof member of the team, he backed up a step, and immediately, Spike moved into the space in front of Xander.
"We're taking care of it," Angel answered her tersely.
"Oh, bloody hell. You're sniffing up her skirt, aren't you? Shove a blonde with more balls than brains in your path and you'll fall tits over arse every bloody time."
"Spike!" Angel and Xander yelled at about the same time.
"Shut up. I mean it," Angel warned with a flash of yellow in his eye. "Kate, this is not a good time…."
"So, the vampire is going to save the day again. Do you two know he's a vampire?" she demanded, turning toward Spike who immediately began to laugh.
"Yeah, known that for a century or so, mate. Look, he's doing the boy-wonder bit, God save the Queen and Mom and apple pie, or some such rot as that, so trying to make him look like the villain isn't going to do you much good."
"A century," Kate echoed weakly. Her hand vanished beneath her jacket.
"Hey, before anyone gets to shooting and potentially putting holes in the one member of this team who still has a pulse, can we just call a truce here?" Xander asked.
"You knew too?" Kate demanded, pinning Xander with a stare that would have melted steel, and for not the first time, Xander wondered why Angel always seemed to fall for the scary girls. Okay, Xander didn't have the best record himself being that he'd fallen for Spike and Spike was slightly more scary that a cop with a gun, but still.
"Wasn't real thrilled with it at first," Xander admitted. "I might have even been on the stake-all-vampires squad when I first found out, but after an apocalypse or two, you learn to chill."
"Apocalypse?" Kate swallowed.
"Or two," Xander corrected her.
"Thought you told her," Spike snorted.
"I did. I told her that I'm a vampire and that I'm trying to help."
"So, do you have a soul too?" Kate demanded as her eyes focused on Spike.
"Bloody hell no. Just don't like the idea of someone else comin' in and tryin' to muck up my territory."
"My territory," Angel corrected him with a growl. Xander bit his cheek to keep from smiling because for someone who claimed he just wanted to be left alone and that he didn't want anything to do with vampire hierarchies, Angel sure was spending more and more time staking claims, on LA and on the people who worked in this office.
"Yeah, yeah, you're the big bad vampire boss," Xander agreed, rolling his eyes for Kate's benefit since she seemed more than a little freaked out. "But the point is that Angel has saved the world and the Powers That Be wouldn't have set him up with his very own seer if they didn't think he had a lot more good to do."
"And I'm supposed to take your word for that?" Kate pulled her hand out from under her jacket, but instead of the gun Xander expected, she pulled out a stake. "A thing like this killed my father."
"And a vamp vamped my best friend so that I had to dust him. And then there was this whole apocalyptic theme at graduation, and a bunch of vamps attacked, well, vamps and a giant snake who ate the principal, but we're focusing on vamps, not giant snakes, so you can see that I have plenty of reason to hate vamps in general. But I'm still fighting with Angel because he's okay."
"Okay? He's okay?" she asked incredulously, but Xander ignored her as Angel and Spike flashed into game face.
"Aw shit. You know, the timing, so not good," Xander muttered as he went to one knee and dropped the duffle before unzipping it to reveal the small arsenal.
Loading the crossbow with silver bolts for this species of demon, Xander didn't have to wait long before the hoard of snub-snouted demons spewed from a grate in the floor. Okay, it was more like three demons crawling out, but it was still big with the freaky. Spike threw himself at the first two out, dancing back and forth between them with a flurry of attacks that seemed to stun them as they batted clumsy claws at his head.
Angel took on the third, a demon half again larger than the others, in closer battle, his sword flashing under the florescent light. Xander watched, as Spike lined up one of the two demons and then backflipped out of the way. Xander sank a silver bolt into the lizardy body.
"Take that ya overgrown handbag," Spike crowed as he distracted the other demon with a whirlwind of kicks.
"Angel!" Kate cried out.
"Xander!" Spike called.
"Got him!"
Spike twirled away to help Angel with his demon, and Xander sank a bolt into the second demon while the thing was still trying to figure out where Spike had gone. Pulling his knife, Xander darted forward and grabbed Kate's hand, yanking her back away from the fight.
Angel trailed blood from a deep slash across his cheek, but he and Spike were pummeling the head demon, forcing him backwards in a coordinated attack that left him no hope. Demons one and two slowly gurgled themselves to death as the silver bled poison into their system. And then the fight was over.
Angel came walking back toward them, blood running down his face so that he looked a little seriously scary. Spike, however, had an expression of pure glee. And strangely, that was even more scary.
"That's what you bloody well get for comin' into our territory. Wankers," Spike announced as he gave one of the bodies a kick as he bounced back to Xander.
"Oh my god," Kate yelled so sharply that Xander spun around, knife in hand, looking for another attacker.
"What? What?" Xander asked desperately as he couldn't see anything, but then invisible attackers weren't totally out of the question.
"You," Kate breathed.
"Oi, what got your knickers in a twist, pet?" Spike asked as he slipped his hand around Xander's waist. When he had to look up to Spike, Xander realized he'd gone she again.
"Wow. Didn't even feel that one," Xander admitted with a smile and a shrug.
"You okay?" Spike asked, breathing deeply, and Xander realized that Spike was scenting her.
"I'm fine. Knock it off with the bloodhound." Xander pinched Spike's arm.
"You're a girl," Kate finally managed an entire sentence.
"There was this spell and then there was a spell reversal and then there was this vamp named Drusilla who reversed the reversal."
"Dru was tryin' to help."
"Help with the socially inappropriate gender switching," Xander added wryly.
"Xander, will you please just take Spike and head for the car now?" Angel asked in his best 'put upon' voice. The facial bleeding actually helped with the whole pained martyr image.
"Yeah, we could fool around in the back seat while the caped avenger tries ta impress the girl with his powers of brooding," Spike suggested before nibbling on Xander's ear. Oh yeah, it had actually been a while since Xander had done the girl-sex thing.
"Do not have sex in my car, not again," Angel threatened.
"Hey, you look like you need some privacy, you know, what with all the revelations that you need to discuss," Xander said as she backed away. Spike smirked as he followed.
"Oh," Xander added to Kate, "and the wandering around warehouses looking for boogie men? So not healthy for the totally human sort. You really shouldn't do that without backup and I don't mean the kind out of the police academy."
"Oh, don't even bloody consider it, not either of you. I'm ashamed enough playin' backup to Peaches, but I'm not playing white hat for anyone else, got it?" Spike snapped.
"If it helps, you'll always be the big bad to me," Xander said with a smile that she hoped was more than a little naughty. When all else failed, sexual distraction worked wonders to get Spike's mind off the horror of being one of the good guys.
"Damn straight I'm the big bad."
"How big?" Xander teased.
"Oh for god's… have sex in the car, I don't care, just get out of here," Angel finally snapped.
"Yes, sir," Xander said, throwing the head of their little clan a quick salute before she grabbed the waistband of her jeans and headed for the door, a wiggle in her ass. Behind, she heard Spike grab the weapons bag before running to catch up. Oh yeah, life in LA was pretty damn good.
